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Tue Dec 25, 2012, 05:30 AM

Well, kind of a rough night for me.

My mother is in the hospital again, and I guess the rift between my sister and I is permanent. She was off work yesterday, and was to take my mother to a noontime doctor's appointment.

I tried calling a few times in the afternoon, as they should have been home fairly quickly, but I got no answer.

Finally, while I was driving home before six, she called me to say they were at the ER. She was very cold about it. Got home to find a note on the table, signed with her last name.

She came in later, sat down looking ugly. I told her I've had enough of this, and her response was the same as she has told my mother and other sister, I have changed, she doesn't know me anymore, I'm never home because I must hate them. Blah blah blah, same old garbage I've heard for two months now.

I have been trying to let things slide off my back, be polite to her, etc, but she just keeps blowing up at me. I had hope Christmas would be better, I bought her the new Microsoft tablet in the hopes she would like that.

I guess I'm just done with her, I have enough problems of my own without having to deal with her garbage.

I am going to go to the hospital later and see what is going on, my mother apparently was bleeding in her lower GI tract, and may have either a blood clot or infection in her leg.

So yes, I'm a little blue. I guess in life, you need to make out of it what you want. If she wants it this way, so be it, I'll just have to fill my life with someone and something else.

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Arrow 12 replies Author Time Post
Reply Well, kind of a rough night for me. (Original post)
Denninmi Dec 2012 OP
Tobin S. Dec 2012 #1
Denninmi Dec 2012 #2
Festivito Dec 2012 #3
elleng Dec 2012 #4
Denninmi Dec 2012 #5
HereSince1628 Dec 2012 #6
Denninmi Dec 2012 #8
mopinko Dec 2012 #7
Denninmi Dec 2012 #9
Maraya1969 Dec 2012 #10
Denninmi Dec 2012 #11
Sophiegirl Dec 2012 #12

Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 06:29 AM

1. Keep this in mind

If she wants the old you back, that was the sick you- she wants the sick you back.

Maybe she felt she had an element of control over you before. Maybe now you're not much use to her. Maybe she's trying to make you feel guilty.

Those would be my guesses, but I really don't know for sure.

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Response to Tobin S. (Reply #1)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:12 AM

2. That pretty much meshes with what Deb has said about the situation.

We're all pretty good at psychology after going through the wringer.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:11 AM

3. Hoping your mom will be alright.

I gather you're not home a lot. I'd guess you have a right.

Good luck with the balance between rights and responsibilities.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 02:00 PM

4. So sorry, Den.

As my younger daughter said, about her sister's recent coldness when called about older's grandmother-in-law's recent heart attack, 'It is what it is.' I hope you (and she, my younger daughter) can not only let this stuff slide off your backs, but grow and thrive after doing so. I know how damaging this stuff can be.
and best to your mother.

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Response to elleng (Reply #4)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 02:27 PM

5. Thank you, Ellen.

I just got back from the hospital, my mother is doing reasonably well, probably released tomorrow. I went with my sister, she is here now, moody and sullen but at least talking. It is what it is.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)


Response to HereSince1628 (Reply #6)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 05:58 PM

8. Good for you.

Sounds like you deserved the win.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 04:41 PM

7. you are allowed to walk away.

i walked away from almost my entire family, and lived to tell the tale. i ache some for what "should" have been. but it wasn't and it isn't going to be.
better a hole where someone used to be than that person gauging a new hole.

happy holidays, anyway.

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Response to mopinko (Reply #7)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 06:02 PM

9. Thanks.

What bothers me is that 1) we were always very close until this whole fiasco ; 2) I have doubts about her own mental stability and don't want to be a precipitating factor in another crisis; 3) she, rightly or wrong, was kind of my safety net.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 07:48 PM

10. I don't know the whole story but I'm getting the picture. Here's a hug for you.

Keep being true to you.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Reply #10)

Tue Dec 25, 2012, 08:42 PM

11. Thank you.

Very kind of you.

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Response to Denninmi (Original post)

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 01:21 AM

12. One thing I have learned...

Throughout many years of therapy is that you can't control anyone else's feelings. Only your own. You can choose to let their emotions affect you...either positively or negativly...but it is still your choice. And that can be the most difficult thing to do when dealing with those you care about.

My therapist once told me to get a bunch of Post-It notes and write "It's not about me" on them and stick them all over the place. That was a really great exercise and reminded me that I was not the only one with problems and I am not responsible for how others feel.

I am responsible for myself and my own feelings. Of course, my actions affect others. But, if I am true to who I am - good or bad, I can not, will not, let others make me feel as though I don't have a right to my own feelings.... even if they disagree.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she is doing okay.

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