Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

momto3

(662 posts)
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 07:01 PM Dec 2011

Hello.

I have been a member of DU since 2006, but an infrequent poster. I would like to post here more often. I am in desperate need of a place to vent and decompress at times. It is hard to discuss these things with the people I am in contact with daily, since they do not understand. I also need someone outside of my family, that has to deal with the repercussions of mental illness daily, that can provide an ear for listening and empathy.

I have suffered from depression since I was a teen and have just recently been diagnosed as type 2 bipolar. I generally manage quite well.

My daughter was diagnosed as type 1 bipolar 2 years ago when she was 10 years old. She was hearing voices telling her to stab people and herself with knives. She was on suicide watch and all sharp objects were removed from our house. She became violent. She slammed my fingers in a door and stabbed her grandmother with a pencil. That was probably one of the worst times of our lives. It took us almost a year to get her cocktail of meds in order. We went through I think 6 medications before finally putting her on Geodon, which works well for her. During this time period, she was on meds that made her so jumpy she could not sit still, others that made her so sleepy that we could not wake her for school, one that put her in such a fog that she could not put together a coherent sentence and still another that made her put on 15 lbs in 3 weeks. You can imagine what this does to the self esteem of a preteen girl.

She has been "stable" for over a year. Any one that deals with mental illness knows that "stable" does not mean normal, it just means a bit easier. Now she is 12 and full steam into puberty. Her med cocktails are constantly needing to be changed to match her growth and hormone changes. She has become aggressive and sometimes violent.

Did I mention that she has 2 younger brothers? This meme is the story of their lives as well. They are often the brunt of her anger and are deprived of the attention from us that they deserve. Trying to protect them from her, and trying to teach them what a "normal" family is like is extraordinarily difficult. We live very close to my parents, which has proven to be a godsend. My boys can go there when necessary and get the safety and attention they need.

How can anyone that has not experienced mental illness understand these things? How can they possibly know what it is like to know that some day soon I will have to call the police to have them take her to the hospital? To be committed? How can they know how it feels to see this person that you love so terribly much be in such pain? Know that they will have to live with this for the rest of their lives? How can they know what it feels like to take self defense classes so that you can restrain your child before they hurt you or themselves? To know the fear that my baby, my son, my 5 year old suffers from the same illness she does? Is it too much to ask for happiness for my children?

If you have read this far, thank you. I have an intense need right now to communicate with people who may understand and at the very least will not be judgmental. We are in much pain now. I know that it will pass and things will once again stabilize. But, often it feels that I will not be strong enough to make it.

Tracy

13 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Hello. (Original Post) momto3 Dec 2011 OP
My ex-husband used to decompensate and violently for hours, days, even weeks EFerrari Dec 2011 #1
I am sorry to hear about your pain. momto3 Dec 2011 #6
I don't know what all this is like but you have my support. dem4mylyfe Dec 2011 #2
Thank you. momto3 Dec 2011 #7
You are strong enough. What you describe maximusveritas Dec 2011 #3
I've looked into NAMI, but there is not much in the way of local support. momto3 Dec 2011 #8
HelloTracy, Tuesday Afternoon Dec 2011 #4
Thank you. momto3 Dec 2011 #9
i know what it is like to leave a kid on a locked psyche ward. mopinko Dec 2011 #5
Yes, exactly. momto3 Dec 2011 #10
You are not alone. BeHereNow Dec 2011 #11
Thank you. momto3 Dec 2011 #12
Support is what is all about! BeHereNow Dec 2011 #13

EFerrari

(163,986 posts)
1. My ex-husband used to decompensate and violently for hours, days, even weeks
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 07:08 PM
Dec 2011

and there was very little help for us.

Thankfully, most people will never know that kind of danger or pain or sorrow. But it does make you feel like the world is empty when you realize the way you live is beyond the understanding of most people. On 9/11 I thought, the country is feeling the same way I've felt every day for years.

Strength to you, Tracy. This is a good place to find kindred spirits.

momto3

(662 posts)
6. I am sorry to hear about your pain.
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 10:37 PM
Dec 2011

Living through this makes me much more empathetic and sympathetic to the problems of others. Maybe that is a bonus.

Tracy

maximusveritas

(2,915 posts)
3. You are strong enough. What you describe
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 07:52 PM
Dec 2011

would be enough to break most people and yet you've done a remarkable job in getting your daughter the help she needs while also looking out for the rest of your family as best as you've can. Hopefully, this forum can be of some support to you. You may already be aware of NAMI, but in case you're not, it can be a great resource for families depending on where you're at.

momto3

(662 posts)
8. I've looked into NAMI, but there is not much in the way of local support.
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 10:41 PM
Dec 2011

I've thought about starting a support group in my area, but I honestly do not have the energy now. I love DU and was hoping to find a good place here. It looks like I have. I really appreciate your kind words.

Tracy

Tuesday Afternoon

(56,912 posts)
4. HelloTracy,
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 07:57 PM
Dec 2011

Please post more often on DU, if only here in this group in order to vent. There are understanding and knowledgable people here who can offer support.

Peace.

momto3

(662 posts)
9. Thank you.
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 10:42 PM
Dec 2011

Just the process of writing this down has made me feel better. I hope that I will be able to provide support to others as well.

Tracy

mopinko

(69,806 posts)
5. i know what it is like to leave a kid on a locked psyche ward.
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 08:08 PM
Dec 2011

and then do it again 5 years later with the baby girl (18yo) you thought had it all.
i know what chaos looks like, sounds like, and smells like. i know about trying to explain why there are 2 sets of rules, one for your daughter and one for your boys.

vent away.

momto3

(662 posts)
10. Yes, exactly.
Sat Dec 17, 2011, 10:45 PM
Dec 2011

Thank you, mopinko for your words. It is so good to hear that others understand at least part of my life. I often feel stranded and alone, even though I know many others have lives that are like mine. I also know it could be worse. Thanks again.

Tracy

BeHereNow

(17,162 posts)
11. You are not alone.
Sun Dec 18, 2011, 03:39 PM
Dec 2011

Taking care of yourself is VERY important.
When my daughter was diagnosed during a vile manic cycle-
I just about lost it.
I now take medication to help my constant state of fear
and battle with the depression that comes with loving
a bi polar child. It is very hard to know there is no cure
and it is a lifelong sentence.
Mopinko has been a very supportive person in my life.
Take her hand- she knows the road all too well.

I also HIGHLY recommend Just Fast.
Her website has made a HUGE difference in my life
and her books are incredibly useful too.
http://www.juliefast.com/
BHN

momto3

(662 posts)
12. Thank you.
Mon Dec 19, 2011, 10:04 AM
Dec 2011

I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have the support of others facing a similar situation as mine. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. It is good to know that you are not alone.

I am looking forward to getting to know all of you.

Tracy

Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Mental Health Support»Hello.