I don't know why really. I have another surgery on Friday and for some reason I have this fear about it. I had surgery in March and I was fine about it. This one is a more complicated but no big deal. And even though I've been told the aftermath will be quite painful, that's not a huge deal. I'm used to pain. I'm in a lot of it most of the time.
And all this stems from a broken leg. As some of you know, I smashed my left leg up badly last September. Then a few months ago I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is a neuro vascular condition. And the tibia and fibula never fucking healed, so on Friday, they're taking out the titanium IM rod that's inside the tibia, reaming out the bone, replacing the rod with one of a larger diameter and putting a metal plate on the fibula.
The only good thing about all this has been my son. He's such a peach. He moved back to Vermont from CO even though he loved it out there and had just gotten a terrific job. He comes over to my house at least twice a week and does the things I can't do anymore- mows the lawn, works on the garden. He brings me flowers and plays scrabble with me. Honestly, I don't know what I did to deserve him.
Anyway, I don't want to let him know how freaked I am about this surgery. A lot of is that I don't want to be put under. I hate that. But they won't let me go with a spinal.