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Sun May 6, 2012, 12:32 PM

Holy Crap! I just got the 12 step book.

As they apply to me and my life, The steps are HORRIFYING!

Now I really HAVE to find a meeting to go to, so I can hear how people manage these steps.

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Reply Holy Crap! I just got the 12 step book. (Original post)
Vanje May 2012 OP
Vanje May 2012 #1
seabeyond May 2012 #2
dixiegrrrrl May 2012 #7
tavalon May 2012 #10
oldhippydude May 2012 #3
Rhiannon12866 May 2012 #4
demosincebirth May 2012 #5
Dolly45 May 2012 #6
irisblue May 2012 #8
tavalon May 2012 #9
dixiegrrrrl May 2012 #11
tavalon May 2012 #13
JayhawkSD May 2012 #12
Tripod May 2012 #14
tavalon Jun 2012 #15

Response to Vanje (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2012, 12:33 PM

1. I mean, Damn!

Who'd have thought: Not drinking is the EASY part.

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Response to Vanje (Reply #1)

Sun May 6, 2012, 12:35 PM

2. lol. good luck to you......

the best on this venture. sincerely

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Response to Vanje (Reply #1)

Mon May 7, 2012, 03:22 PM

7. Not drinking is the EASY part.

A common mistake newcomers make is to think they have to work ALL the steps in a short period of time.
But it takes a few months to get your head on straight.
So the first 3 steps are critical, over and over and over and over.
Stay in today, that will work.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #7)

Wed May 9, 2012, 10:17 AM

10. Boy I second that one,

I actually had to go back to one the other day. I thought my life was manageable for about a minute. LOL

Today is the only day I have to work on these steps, the days before were my successes and mistakes, they are gone. Today is all there is. And today, as I am recovering from a long illness, my motto is Easy Does It!

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2012, 12:55 PM

3. welcome to the rest of your life

many of us were bewildered, looking back working the steps has been the most productive thing in my life... welcome aboard

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Sun May 6, 2012, 08:35 PM

4. What you need is an experienced sponsor to guide you.

Do they have any step meetings in your area? And remember, "Easy Does It," there's no rush.

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Mon May 7, 2012, 09:31 AM

5. Don't worry, you have the rest of your life to work most of 'em. It's a daily process.

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Mon May 7, 2012, 10:05 AM

6. I like it

I think you're right!

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Mon May 7, 2012, 03:48 PM

8. vanje, try a variety of meetings....

interestingly the one closest to my house that i could walk to, well, it doesn't speak to me. it's not the people there, i realized it's me. the 6pm meetings at oakland park have women and men who have more...like me-ness there.
and b/c in real life i'm shy ( really) i take a notebook and ask for phone numbers of other women to call...it really has helped.

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Wed May 9, 2012, 10:14 AM

9. We manage them with love, acceptance, comraderie and an understanding that progress not perfection

is the goal. I'm happily ensconced in a home group now, am actively looking for a sponsor and have joined the 10 pound phone club. And I'm healing, faster than others, glacially slow compared to others, but nobody compares because we root and we root loud and boisterously for everyone and we give out bandaids for when you fall down. We all fall down. We all share our stories of strength and hope but what we do not do is give advice.

Way to get started on the program. Welcome aboard the serenity bus.

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Response to tavalon (Reply #9)

Wed May 9, 2012, 10:27 AM

11. Boy, that "comparing" habit is a deadly lil trap, isn't it?

"futuring" ( getting out of today)
and
"comparing" are so automatic, so unconscious behaviors, I finally realized.
I STILL do it!
but I catch myself at it so much faster now.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #11)

Wed May 9, 2012, 07:54 PM

13. Yep

The perfection trap and the control trap and the worry trap are the ones that have ensnared me all my life.

I thought the second two would keep my safe (magical thinking!). And the first one was the only way I could see myself as good enough. They all still catch me from time to time, but now, I get back up, brush off my knees and keep going.

I try hard not to get out of today because 90% of what I think will happen in the future is wrong and the other 10% happens but often differently and all the worry and control in the world won't stop the bad or the good. It's actually very freeing when I can stay there and when I can't, well, wash, rinse, repeat. I also used to beat myself up for not meeting my standards, that was also soul wasting.

Now I look at what I did, what I can learn and I get back up. And every day there is meeting to help remind me.

I feel very blessed to have had an addict in my life so that I went to find my recovery. I hope the addict is recovering, but that's all I do around the addict. He can not be my concern, now that he showed me that I was and am so very emotionally sick. He did his part and now I do my part. I can only change me and only one day at a time.

And cheer on my fellow travelers. We are all working so very hard and it deserves to be noticed and cheered on.



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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Wed May 9, 2012, 11:22 AM

12. No, not really

They look hard, but they become a very natural way of life. Just put one foot in front of the other, and after 11,057 days you will realize that doing them is as natural as breathing. You won't be sure when that happened, it just sort of grew on you somewhere along the journey.

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Thu May 10, 2012, 02:22 AM

14. I'm glad you found a Bible for recovery.

You can do this, get it right.

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Response to Vanje (Original post)

Thu Jun 28, 2012, 04:10 AM

15. One day at a time and one step at a time

And great goddess above, this sucker is not linear, it's choosing to live life on life's terms. If I counted the number of times I did a jig on the steps, I could've been a contender! It's certainly progress not perfection.

The thing I love about all of the meetings I've been to, online and not, is that we are all working, maybe at different stages but everyone is supportive in whatever way is needed.

While this is a self directed program, I'm not sure I would call it selfish - the people at meetings are so supportive to anyone working the steps and quietly solicitous to those tipping their toes in. No advice is given, though, so you're still going to have to figure out much of it yourself, but the serenity to be found in those wonderful souls is worth emulating and as the saying goes, fake it til you make it.

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