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Tue Mar 13, 2012, 02:01 AM

Damn it all to hell!

I just found out that my niece, 5 1/2 months pregnant, has been doing
cocaine and drinking hard alcohol during her pregnancy.
WTF????????? Is wrong with people?

My sister ran into her in a shit hole scum bar, HIGH as a kite.
Her new husband confessed to my sister what had been going on.

In them mean time, my parents, 82 yo, have been paying for her OB/GYN
bills, while she KILLS her baby.

My dad just lost his brother-
They are so naive and trusting...

I told my Mom tonight- "If her lips are moving, she is LYING"
because that has been my experience with addicts.

She told my parents, after all this came out on Sunday,
that she had met with a "counselor" from her husband's insurance
plan who told her, ""Not a problem, the cocaine and alcohol use..."
Who wants to bet who the LIAR is here?

I told my parents, who are taking her to the doctor tomorrow that
they need to tell him EVERYTHiNG, in case there is something he can do
to help the baby for the remainder of the pregnancy...

Your thoughts and suggestions are appreciated...
BHN

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Arrow 25 replies Author Time Post
Reply Damn it all to hell! (Original post)
BeHereNow Mar 2012 OP
ScreamingMeemie Mar 2012 #1
BeHereNow Mar 2012 #2
BeHereNow Mar 2012 #3
CountAllVotes Mar 2012 #4
BeHereNow Mar 2012 #6
CountAllVotes Mar 2012 #7
BeHereNow Mar 2012 #9
CountAllVotes Mar 2012 #10
BeHereNow Mar 2012 #11
CountAllVotes Mar 2012 #12
tavalon Mar 2012 #15
oldhippydude Mar 2012 #5
BeHereNow Mar 2012 #8
CountAllVotes Mar 2012 #13
irisblue Mar 2012 #14
tavalon Apr 2012 #16
RD1angel Apr 2012 #17
BeHereNow Apr 2012 #18
GObamaGO May 2012 #19
zorro1 Jul 2012 #20
BeHereNow Jul 2012 #21
demosincebirth Jul 2012 #22
BeHereNow Jul 2012 #23
demosincebirth Jul 2012 #24
BeHereNow Jul 2012 #25

Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 02:09 AM

1. I think you are doing exactly what you can do.

Short of going with your parents and niece to the doctor to make sure he knows her situation. My heart is breaking for you. Is her husband using as well? I hate to say it but it might be time to bring in social services if that is the case. That's a tough spot to be in. I hope your niece is able to recover and deliver a healthy baby.

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Response to ScreamingMeemie (Reply #1)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 02:17 AM

2. Yeah- the hubby is using as well...

I'm dealing with trying to find the right med for a bi polar daughter
here in California.
They are in Texas.
I called the DCS in TX and they told me there was nothing they
could do until the baby was born, at which point it would
be tested for drugs and alcohol.
Just a bit late, don't you think, in that the damage would
be done by then...
Talked to my mom tonight about the importance of telling the doctor
EVERYTHING.
They are scared that my niece will be locked up for the safety of the baby.
I said, "And your problem with that is WHAT???"
I tried to explain to them that everything she says is most likely a LIE.
Maybe I need to hop a plane to TX...
Take my daughter and her current BP meds along....
My heart is breaking for that baby...
BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 02:41 AM

3. You know what?

I'm going to self medicate with the TV right now-
My sister is an enabler and I have NO power over this FUBAR situation.
Nite-
BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 03:18 AM

4. nothing worse than a newborn addicted

While I was in the hospital there was a baby crying and screaming, the likes I'd never heard. It was horrid.

I asked what was wrong with the baby (2 weeks old). I was told it was a "failure to thrive baby". I didn't quite understand what that meant.

What it meant it the child was suffering from withdrawals as the mother of the child had been using methamphetamine (a "tweaker" as they are called).

Sad reality there.

My advice to you is to stay away from these people. They are what I call users and that is all they know how to do -- use others to support their habits whatever they may be.

You are right to not be an enabler. That only assists in the process of hitting rock bottom IMO.

Take care of yourself in the meantime please and don't let these foolish people ruin your life. They are ruining their own lives and you can just sit back and watch the show I suppose or simply divorce the lot of them (something I strongly suggest).



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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #4)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 11:17 AM

6. Trust me- I want noting to do with my niece or her husband-

My parents are the ones I am concerned about, and the baby of course.
My parents are both 82- NO experience with this at all.
Paying all her doctor bills and thinking some how she is telling them the truth.
We all know that is highly unlikely-
I'm really pissed at my sister, who lives there, and is failing to protect them (my parents) from these
nit wits.
I told my mom last night that if the doctor was to be able to help the
unborn child at this point in the pregnancy, then he needed to know EVERYTHING.
I talked to my other niece, her sister, and we both agreed to call the doctor
and tell him what we know- as I think my parents are afraid to.
I think they are just hoping that now that she has been found out-
she will stop doing the drugs and stop drinking.
My poor parents- they have no idea what they have stepped in.
And that poor baby...
I guess my other niece and I are thinking if
we contact the doctor with the truth, maybe he can intervene.
Any one know the law on that?
If we contact the doctor, is he legally responsible to do
what he can to stop her from harming the baby further?
Like call the DCS or police?
I think she should spend the rest of her pregnancy locked up,
for the safety of the child.
BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Reply #6)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 11:38 AM

7. a bit of advice

Being she hasn't given birth to the child yet, I don't know what you can do other than contact her physicians and tell them. They may be unaware of it too.

As for others in your life (your parents), they are a bit younger than mine were.

However, if my parents knew about something like this, they would have called the cops on the niece and turned her in. My late father (a proud Marine he was!) would not have given a sh*t what the consequences would be being a child's life is at risk.

Make a few calls, try social services. If no one will say/do a thing, call the police and report her!

You may be saving the life of an unborn child or worse yet a child born with severe/permanent disabilities!



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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #7)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 12:10 PM

9. That is my instinct- to contact the doctor and police.

My parents on the other hand are so naive.
My dad has always believed things can be handled by love-
like I said , they are clueless about the evilness of cocaine addiction.
They have NO clue as to what they are dealing with.
They just see their grand daughter- and think the way to help is
to be loving and give her a second chance...
I'm going to print out what I have found on the internet
about PCE (Pre natal cocaine Exposure) and send it to them.
Maybe then they will realize that drastic measures are needed.
AND I am going to call the doctor and tell him everything I know.
I have NO problem with her being put in jail- none what so ever.
That is where she belongs.

BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Reply #9)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 12:41 PM

10. Good for you!

I'll tell you something.

Once you turn her in she has a record.

Period.

It will follow her for the rest of her life FYI.

Good for you for being willing to do something.

I would do something too!

It is in my blood and no, I don't let anyone get away with anything w/me.

My late father told me to never take any sh*t from anyone and that if I did, it is my own fault.

Boy was he ever right huh?

May the force be with you!!!

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #10)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 02:49 PM

11. Just called the one and only doctor in her area with the name-

Filed a report- we'll see what happens next.
In the meantime, my parents refuse to talk to me-
Al-anon, here I come.
BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Reply #11)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 08:40 PM

12. You did the right thing!

Regardless of what your parents may think, you know you did the right thing.

Let them live on in their fantasy worlds.

It is so common with the old generation -- don't talk about it, pretend everything is JUST FINE DAMINIT.



Keep us posted!!

for you and may your family be blessed.

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Response to CountAllVotes (Reply #4)

Sat Mar 17, 2012, 08:50 AM

15. Yep, I've helped bring many an addict child through that awful first few weeks.

Breaks my heart everytime. I know that scream only too well. It's a scream of agony.

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 10:43 AM

5. perhaps

al anon... support for family members, you are not alone

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Response to oldhippydude (Reply #5)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 11:54 AM

8. Love al anon- so much support there.

I wish my sister would go.
I can't tell you how many addicts have taken advantage of her over the years.
Detachment is a foreign concept to her- me?
Not so much.
Maybe I could talk to my parents about finding a meeting in Dallas.

Maybe they would meet some other people who are going through similar
situation and learn how to set boundaries with my niece and her dip shit husband.

I did tell them- "DO NOT, under any circumstance, give them any cash."

They call my parents, tell them they don't have any groceries and my parents
hand them 200 dollars to go shopping for food. Right- that's where the money goes, to food- Uh-huh.

It is so disgusting to me that they play my parents like that.
The last thing my parents want is for the baby to go hungry, so they
hand the money over in good faith that my niece will go buy nutritious
food for her unborn child. Like I said- they are elderly and have NO clue
what the reality of addiction is.
And like all other addicts I have known- she is a liar, a cheat, and a thief.

My mom told me a few months ago that she found one of her pain killers
on the floor of her closet, and realized my niece had been helping herself
to my mom's prescriptions- my mom got rid of everything because she
realized what was going on.

So now, my mom, who has legitimate need for pain killers, is going without them
so she doesn't have to worry about this piece of shit stealing them from her and abusing them.

Rant of rage off-
They are taking her to the OB-GYN that THEY pay for, today-
We'll see what happens.
I am hoping I reached my mom when I told her
the doctor MUST be told; that it might save the baby's life as well as my
dumb assed niece.

BHN


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Response to BeHereNow (Reply #8)

Tue Mar 13, 2012, 09:07 PM

13. I'm sure that both of your parents know alcoholics

If they don't, where have they been for the last 80+ years?

They are in denial, that is where they are.

That is part of the whole thing right there.

Back to Step One for them.

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Wed Mar 14, 2012, 05:28 AM

14. in my opinion

calling the doctor was the right thing. that fetal brain (and body for that matter) was developing in a mix of toxic chemicals. there might be a small chance for that kid now, very small that it may be. it will not be the first nor the last that doctor has heard this from family members far away. heartbreaking...{side rant..... why can't addiction make you infertile? not cool nature}

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Response to irisblue (Reply #14)

Sun Apr 22, 2012, 01:33 AM

16. As a NICU nurse,

I have to say I second your wish. It breaks my heart every time I have to help a baby withdraw. OMG, they hurt so bad, it hurts to be near them.

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Sun Apr 22, 2012, 08:37 AM

17. Something is very wrong here!

As I read through this thread, It truly upsets me, to here how most of you talk about this girl. I agree, she CANNOT be using while she is pregnant. However, if any of you really knew of addiction, the tone of this thread would be very different.

Reading this thread, I had to look at which web site I was on? I thought that somehow I got switched to a different web site. Like Sean Hannity, or that Glen Beck was back on the airwaves again??????

5 1/2 months along, and the doctor hasn't figured out that something might be going on? With the blood work that they do? Granted, it can happen, but I would doubt that she is the low bottom scum bag that you describe. And if it is happening, you want to lock her up???? Why? What is that going to do? Other than put a smile on your face? It is obvious that you are very ignorant with it comes to alcoholism and drug addiction. You make your conclusion off of ??? Because it is not an educated response.

If this girl is truly doing what you say? And if you care about the baby, because it is obvious that you don't care about the niece, sounds like you will just throw her to the curb, she needs an intervention, and be sent to treatment. But no, you want to make sure she has charges that will follow her for life? And it sounds like you would be happy about that? And your family?

People don't grow up and say, "hum, what do I want to do in life?? Oh, I know, I want to be a junkie, and an alcoholic so I can slowly destroy myself, all those around me, and ooh, and a baby in the womb" Really.........

I know that ACTIVE alcoholics and addicts are a pain in the you know what to deal with. But do you truly know how much pain they are in? And if they are that, then addiction is addiction. A person CAN NOT STOP WITHOUT HELP. Thank goodness that your parents don't have the same attitude as you.

And Ala-non...... that would be a good place to start, although you will be in a big surprise when you learn that Ala-non has nothing to do with the alcoholic in your life. And no, you won't learn new ways of becoming Judge, Jury and Executioner.

And to the response from the NICU nurse...... you know damn well that there are protocols in place with a addicted infant, to allow for the infant to receive medications that won't let them go through all those withdrawals.

So, if you are truly open to suggestions, and not just niece bashing, then here:

Reach out to her, quit being so judgmental, although you may have already ruined any ability you had at getting a connection with your niece, you may have to allow someone else to do this. Do an intervention on her. Get her into treatment.

Boy what a surprise it would be to look into the future and see that you niece and her child are well adjusted, productive citizens in the community. Thanks to a loving family who did a intervention. Lets hope the current charges that you are gleaming at doing will be dropped, if she goes to treatment now.

If you wonder how I can say all this...... your niece...... that was me in my late teens, early 20's. Since, I have had a very successful 22 year career as a critical care nurse, and ALL my children are doing super! Thank you to my family, whom truly loved me and knew that I had potential. That took the risk of making me mad, and feared that I would run, I say, thank you for being there. After all isn't that what family is all about?



“Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.”

― Craig Ferguson, American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot















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Response to RD1angel (Reply #17)

Mon Apr 23, 2012, 11:45 PM

18. Welcome to DU; and from 25 years in the music business, and countless dead friends

Here is what I know:
You can lead a horse to water...

What you are missing in the story is that this has been going on for YEARS
with this girl. My brother has tried to help, I have tried to help- I have reached
out to her several times since this latest shit hit the family fan.

She doesn't think she has a problem;
her problem, in her mind, is that she got caught.

The doctor is ON it and my prediction is this:
She behave for the rest of her pregnancy because it has
been made clear to her that she will go to jail if she does not.

After that, all I can tell you is family members are preparing to give the child a home
in the event she does not stay clean and will not accept help.
None of this brings a "smile to my face;" quite the opposite-
however, I am breathing a sigh of relief to know the child will be taken
care of no matter what she decides to do.
I do know the family will not fail to involve DCS the first time she shows
up high after the baby is born.
BHN

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Response to RD1angel (Reply #17)

Wed May 23, 2012, 01:59 AM

19. Thank you for this post

Most actively using addicts' behavior is scummy, no doubt about it, but they are still human, and while they are still alive, there is still hope for change.

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Sun Jul 22, 2012, 06:42 PM

20. Hope all goes well...for babies sake

Your story shows how powerful addiction can be. Sad to say the only way to beat addiction is for one's own self. You can't do it for your family, friends or even unborn child. She has to do it for herself. In the short term I pray she can stop for her child, in the long term she will have to do it for herself. She'll need help. It sounds like you're a good person, be there for her if you can.

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Response to zorro1 (Reply #20)

Sun Jul 22, 2012, 07:56 PM

21. Thanks Zorro1 and Welcome to DU, glad you're here. Update on the baby!

She was born about a month ago- severely under weight and addicted to methadone.
The DCS had taken over at this point and discovered she had been doing MASSIVE
quantities of cocaine, among other opiate drugs a week up until the baby was born.
My niece just missed going straight to jail because the methadone was the only drug that showed up
in the babies blood, and it had been physician ordered.

She has screamed in agony from the withdrawal medically supervised and DCS set up
a wonderful family meeting that included call in lines for out of state family members
to join in the intervention discussion- the lady handling the case is a whiz- truly.

Well after about two hours, the father said, I want to go to rehab- right now!
Everyone was thrilled...after a few of the usual excuses as to why my niece couldn't go,
she too, agreed to go.

The case worker immediately began setting up intakes for both of them that and it
appeared to be a done deal.

It was explained to my niece that this move was the BEST way to assure she could
get custody of the baby later, when she was well enough to take care of the child.

Well, every one went out to the parking lot, ready to help the couple get over to
the rehabs that had agreed to take them. The young father got in the car with my niece
who promptly raced out of the parking lot leaving everyone standing there with their jaws
on the ground. The couple returned to their apartment, turned off their phones and
refused to answer the door.

At this point, the DCS case manager started the legal motion for my sister to
be given custody.
She signed the papers Thursday and we are all thrilled.

I don't think my niece actually wants the baby; she would interfere with her lifestyle.

So my sister and everyone else is THRILLED that it worked out this way.
My sister never married, always wanted a child, has a good job, a beautiful home
and an amazing support system of friends and family, myself included.

The baby is still hospitalized and will remain so for at least three more weeks.
In the meantime, there is a beautiful nursery being put together at my sister's house,
I just bought a ton of BEAUTIFUL, like new, clothes and shoes etc at a local consignment shop...that I will be mailing tomorrow.

I have talked to my niece and told her I pray she doesn't wake up in ten years and realize what
she lost, but maybe that will be the very thing that provides her "moment of clarity" and sets her
on a road to recovery.

The couple will be allowed 1 hour visits, once a week, supervised and that is all until a
judge says otherwise.

I am so happy for my sister, and weep for my niece.

You see she lost another child ten years ago to the system; at least this one
will be staying in our family in a loving home.

My sister is SO in love with the baby, who she rocks for hours and hours, even after
working 10 hour days.
The baby recognizes her voice and they have bonded.
I can't wait to go out and help!
I miss having a baby since mine is all grown up.

Just wanted to update every one and thank you again for helping me walk this
journey. I know I was never alone and that is why I love my DU family too.

BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Original post)

Wed Jul 25, 2012, 10:51 PM

22. Isn't that against the law in some states? If not, it should be.

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Response to demosincebirth (Reply #22)

Thu Jul 26, 2012, 02:52 AM

23. It is against the law, yes- doctors are required to report it as soon as they know.

The doctor did contact the officials- the baby was treated before birth, with methadone.
Since nothing other than the doctor prescribed methadone was detected, my niece was
not arrested at the time of delivery- HOWEVER, testing showed she had done massive amounts
of cocaine before the delivery- since it did not show in the baby, she walked.


Good news I got today- they have successfully weaned the baby from methadone, she as gained
a pound plus some, and will be going HOME, to her legal guardian, my sister, in a few weeks!

YAY!

My niece and her husband, in the meantime, have refused all court orders to attend AA, out patient
and all other directives- SO my sister is the MAMA!
BHN

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Response to BeHereNow (Reply #23)

Thu Jul 26, 2012, 02:21 PM

24. CPS in that county should get involved and do their job to remove that poor child out of the

clutches of your niece and the father. Druggies have absolutly no concern about the welfare of their children and many grow up to the same life and their parents. They don't have a chance unless interventiion is taken by CPS. The earlier the better. And hopefully those children will never have the opportunity or be in the position to take drugs, because they are already recovering addicts.

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Response to demosincebirth (Reply #24)

Thu Jul 26, 2012, 02:51 PM

25. They already have- maybe you should read my post about the update on the baby?

Just a thought....it's just a few posts up thread.
BHN

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