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Internationalist

(27 posts)
Sat Jan 14, 2017, 11:12 PM Jan 2017

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I need help with staying off alcohol.

I realized I had a problem a year or so ago when I came back from a social event and I blacked out on the train ride home. I vomited yellow bile for the first time since my early 20's. I had also been asked to leave a former share house I was living in due to my drinking (among other things) prior to this. It was at that point I asked my wife for help. With her help, I then was able to get through a pretty decent year with the occasional drink without me getting drunk (as I live in Japan, a lot of that was socially enforced).

However, life has become more and more stressful. I am holding my wedding in April. I am also looking for a new job as I don't believe my current one will allow me to support my family. In addition to my current job (which I am unsatisfied with), my life has been challenging. I have been drinking at home, last night I went to a local izakaya and got pretty drunk and the night before that, I sneaked off to a bar for a beer after work.

While some may not consider this to be the ideal place to bring this up, I feel that it would be helpful to receive advice from those from a more Western perspective. I live in Japan and alcoholism isn't taken seriously at all. Drinking alone is considered a useful way to escape from in what many ways can be a very oppressive culture.

As much as I love my wife, there are cultural differences between us (though she is a non drinker) in which emotions are rarely discussed. If they do get discussed, it usually is because things have reached boiling point, like the situation described in the second paragraph. I would prefer not to reach that point ever again.

I want to reach out to my family back home but I think that in some way that I will be judged over it. I also find that we have had a history of alcoholism through the generations and in most cases, those people's problems have been dismissed.

If anyone can let me know how they have stayed off alcohol then I would be grateful. I have seen some here have been abstinent from all kinds of substances for ten years or more so there are posters here with experience in these kinds of matters.

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Relapse (Original Post) Internationalist Jan 2017 OP
I quit 34 years ago with AA. rug Jan 2017 #1
Thanks rug. Internationalist Jan 2017 #2
Too bad the meetings are so far way. rug Jan 2017 #3
We really are not into religion.. Stuart G Jan 2017 #4
I rely on AA cally Feb 2017 #5
 

rug

(82,333 posts)
1. I quit 34 years ago with AA.
Sat Jan 14, 2017, 11:26 PM
Jan 2017

All I can say is find a meeting and keep going until you figure out a better way. No one goes to a meeting unless they want to stop. I can't think of a better place to talk about a relapse.

If you're in Japan you may find a meeting near you.

http://aatokyo.org/findameeting.html

Internationalist

(27 posts)
2. Thanks rug.
Sun Jan 15, 2017, 12:18 AM
Jan 2017

I have bookmarked the site. I will discuss it with the wife. I will need to explain my absences as well as the commuting costs. The closest meeting will cost about 20 USD return.

Are you religious rug? If not, how did you reconcile yourself to the acceptance of religion as part of the 12 steps?

 

rug

(82,333 posts)
3. Too bad the meetings are so far way.
Sun Jan 15, 2017, 01:00 AM
Jan 2017

I would almost guarantee that if you get to a meeting, and get a temporary sponsor, you will get a ride. The trip would just be another meeting.

One thing I did hear in meetings many times is that nothing would stop me from getting a drink. Nothing can stop you from reaching out to other alcoholics.

Meanwhile, there are real-time on-line meetings.

http://www.aaonline.net/

I never went to one but I'm glad they're there.

I am religious. I'm a Catholic but not very good at it.

When I stopped drinking the "God" aspect didn't concern me too much. For one thing, the whole notion of a higher power for me boiled down to a realization that, whatever it is, it wasn't me. That came along with the realization that, dead or alive, the world continued without me and I should let go of trying to control everything about my life. Whether it is simply the huddled masses of humanity or a conventional notion of God, life goes on and I should stop worrying and battling.

The other point about God and AA is that I needed and desperately wanted to stop drinking. The last thing I wanted was to discuss theology in a roomful of drunks. And we didn't. There is a lot of wisdom in the rooms that comes solely from shared personal experiences. For me, God wasn't the main point of AA at all.

Finally, what it boils down to is how badly you need to stay sober. When I began that was what I needed above all else. Because if I didn't get it, there would be nothing else.

Do what you can to get started. Everything about AA is voluntary. Take what you need and leave the rest. After a while, when you regain the luxury of thought and choice, you can argue about God and religion all you want. I do and it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Meanwhile there are a whole bunch of atheist and agnostic meetings, not all of which are officially connected with AA.

http://aaagnostica.org/

http://www.aabeyondbelief.com/

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-84_manypathstospirituality.pdf

Don't get all twisted up about getting sober. It really is only one day at a time.

Stuart G

(38,328 posts)
4. We really are not into religion..
Sun Jan 15, 2017, 03:36 PM
Jan 2017

Some kind of higher power helps us to stay sober. Each person picks his or her own higher power.. For me, it is the essence of people caring about each other..So, as I walk through the food store, and I pass the booze, and I think about it for a moment, I ask me if it would be really caring for me if I bought and drank that..Or, If there were 50 grandmas from all over who were the essence of caring, what would they recommend to me to drink that bottle and get smashed...

Well, they would say no...and I get a choice to listen or not listen. The additional message they would tell me is that I probably could not stop at a bottle and there would be a lot more. So, I say no. No bottle today and it is just for today.

Is that too much religion for you? Remember, you pick your higher power. Many pick God, but any idea will do. Love, peace and caring, the power of not hurting people, anything greater than me. You need something.,but remember this, and this is most important................................................

the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.............So It does not say you need a higher power, it does not need you to stay perfectly sober......... yes, at meetings ..please you cannot drink...but most meetings have seen people who cannot get off of the booze...But , if you give it a chance, and ..listen as best as you can, AA can help..so..it won't hurt to go to a few meetings..good luck...

cally

(21,589 posts)
5. I rely on AA
Thu Feb 2, 2017, 10:58 AM
Feb 2017

Look up a meeting. If none close to where you live then there are online meetings. I need the help of fellow alcoholics to stay sober. It has saved my life.

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