A request from your fat friend: what I need when we talk about bodies.

[eridani]

http://www.upworthy.com/a-request-from-your-fat-friend-what-i-need-when-we-talk-about-bodies?c=upw1

But when I talk about fat, I am not talking about feelings or self-esteem or body image issues or inner strength. I am talking about the way individuals and institutions treat me and people who look like me. I need you to acknowledge that you and I have different experiences because I am fat.

I need you to consider your audience. When you say you hate your body for being so fat or that you are afraid of becoming fat or when you say that you shouldn’t have eaten that lunch or dessert or when you announce your New Year’s resolution is to lose 5, 10, 25 pounds — you are saying that you don’t want your body to end up like mine. Your feelings are real and true and valid. And you still should not say them to the fattest person you know.

I know that all of us are affected by body shaming and everyone has real, valid, deep, hard feelings about our bodies.

I still need you to stop perpetuating it, especially when talking about yourself. No amount of caveats or prologues make it hurt me less. I need you to know that I’m taking it personally because it is personal.

I need you to know that I go to great pains to take care of everyone’s feelings when I talk about being fat, and for me, these conversations happen weekly, sometimes daily, and lots of people need lots of attention and care just to be able to hear what I need from them. Sometimes I get tired, frustrated, or angry with the emotional work it takes just to prepare those around me to hear me name who I am and what I need.