Can I vent?

[teenagebambam]

My partner of 19 years and I are both employed in higher education. Currently, we teach at the same institution, in the same subject area - he is, in fact, my boss if you get right down to it.

At any rate, there are lots of reasons why this is not a long-term place for us, and so we've both been looking. He had a VERY positive interview last week, lots of "off-the-record" indications that he would be made an offer. Pretty much his dream job. And a great geographic location for the both of us. But nothing yet.

Inevitably, we are both faced with the prospect that, because we would BOTH be making a transition, one of his conditions of employment would be a job for me (spousal hiring is pretty much standard practice in academia). The difference being that, were we different genders, I could accept a part-time job and still be covered on his insurance plan. But since the school in question offers no domestic partner benefits (it's a State school in a State that, likely, never WILL) I would have a hard time accepting a part-time position. Even though we are legally married in ANOTHER state.

Grrrr.

[w8liftinglady]

1. This is the biggest hurdle I see with state-by-state approval.

We need a federal mandate...including Social Security and survivors benefits.Screw the State-By-State approvals... They would love to make GLBT a jailable offense in Texas.You have my support...good luck with the transition...whatever it may be.

[Ruby the Liberal]

2. That is a pretty critical decision point.

Relocating to a red state and working for an employer who doesn't recognize (at a bare minimum) domestic partner benefits? I live in a VERY red county, and even this mind boggling local government voted to approve domestic partner benefits for county/city employees some years ago.

I understand that this is a dream opportunity, but please do give a lot of weight and consideration to the demographic aspect of where you all would call home right now.

Best of luck to you both as you work through this.

[teenagebambam]

3. We're in a pretty red state now

but at a private institution which does offer benefits. But we're both full-time which makes it a moot point - though makes us rather immobile, as we're discovering.

[Ruby the Liberal]

5. Well, disregarding the bullshit that keeps your marriage from being universally recognized,

and all of the legal discrimination that goes along with it, there is a rather serious consideration here.

If you were to get sick, be in an accident, or otherwise become (temporarily) incapacitated - the lack of coverage could bankrupt y'all. In addition, if the area is that regressive, you may not even have the benefit of allowing him to make medical decisions on your behalf.

I know I am not saying anything you don't already know. I guess my thought is 'count your blessings' or 'the grass isn't always greener' or something along those lines.

Your gut instincts will tell you what you need to do here - trust that intuition.

[Fearless]

4. Would there be an opportunity for you to become full time at the new place?

And would it be possible to stay at the old place while your partner works at the new one?

It's a really tough situation and I hope that it works out for the best!!

[Ms. Toad]

6. If there is an opportunity to negotiate on wages,

ask for enough additional wages to cover the premium of your current coverage converted to private pay. Once you are covered be insurance, when coverage is no longer available through that avenue (employment ends, divorce, age out of parents plan, etc) you are allowed under HIPAA to convert the policy to a private policy. The cost is not regulated (so the premium can be pretty high), but you cannot be denied insurance or coverage for pre-existing conditions.

A bump in salary to cover the premium for private insurance policy might work.

(There are restrictions, such as running COBRA (if eligible) out first, and I believe minimum length of time having been covered - AND - even though employers are required to tell you about this option they often don't.)

And - in 2 years, access to insurance under the health care reform act kicks in.