We like our hot guys stupid

[TexasTowelie]

By Emerson Collins

[font color=green]This young man is a contributing writer to the Dallas Voice and is producing some very insightful articles that are gaining him some notoriety. Warning: He isn't a bad looking chap either![/font]

The scene: A gaggle of gays, bedecked in their Sunday Funday finest, stand sipping top-shelf cocktails at the bar. One gay stops abruptly halfway through his forty-seventh scan of the crowd, his jaw drops, and he exclaims, “Oh my god! Check that one out, he is goooooooorgeous!” The rest of the circle turns to check the object of affection, and a second gay banters back, “Yeah, but he’s probably dumb as a box of hair.” The first gay, undeterred, responds, “I do not care. I would (insert appropriately graphic analogy here) to him.” Fin.

It’s a scene that occurs with clockwork frequency at gay bars, parties, gatherings or fundraisers, for where two or three gays have gathered together, eye candy shall be judged in their midst. I think it’s in the gay Bible. It’s also a fascinating insight into how we judge ourselves and each other. I’ve never once heard the opening commentary about an attractive man be followed by, “And I bet he’s brilliant.” We just aren’t open to that possibility. Why is that?

We’re open to intelligence and witty conversation from those who are deemed cute, attractive, handsome or quirky, but when someone is that unquantifiable kind of gorgeous where everyone kind of has to acknowledge their beauty, whether they are your personal type or not — we do not like them smart.

It can be seen in the nonchalant and regular judgment of gogo boys, porn stars, models, shirtless runners and those guys at the gym with the annoyingly low body fat and eight-packs that are visible through the bulkiest of sweaters. Entirely too regularly, there’s the assumption that if they look like that, they must be stupid.

More at http://www.dallasvoice.com/hot-guys-stupid-10172495.html .

[TreasonousBastard]

1. Fragile egos can't handle the thought of...

someone being gorgeous and bright. This has been true of women all along, where the hot ones just have to be bimbos.

And it's men and women both who make this mistake.

[Jesus Malverde]

2. It's animal attraction, not a job interview or a quest for a LTR.

[TeacherB87]

3. This is true but...

what about all of the gay men that don't sip on top-shelf cocktails at the gay bar. There are many of us that do not, and have never, fit the mold described in the article above. This article doesn't tell us anything new about the gay archetype. It just repackages what we already know into something that appears superficially novel because of its wording. The more we focus on the gay men like that, the more we forget the rest of us (the vast majority of gay men).

[TexasTowelie]

5. I don't believe that he is singularly focused on only "hot guys"

but let's face it--how many people would read his story if it focused on nerdy, gay dweebs instead? He wrote a headline and a story that would catch the reader's attention--that is all. I also believe that Collins shows a remarkable amount of maturity for his age, (I'm assuming he is in his young to mid 20s based on his photo).

I’m more concerned about what the assumption says about the rest of us. If we need them to be stupid in order to feel equal, or superior, to them as a total package, we’re looking at it wrong. It means that in the split second leading to the need to decide, without knowing them, they must be a moron, we’ve looked at them, compared ourselves to them and found ourselves wanting on a purely aesthetic comparison. Then we searched for something to even the playing field — and called them stupid.

We shouldn’t do that to them, sure, but far more importantly, we shouldn’t be doing that to ourselves. Would it be nice to be that top tier level of attractive? The narcissist in me says absolutely. There was a time in late adolescence where I legitimately had the thought that I would trade all of my other gifts and talents to be that Abercrombie V-shaped perfect specimen, even if I was below average in every other way. And I meant it. I thought it would be so much easier not to have to reassure myself continuously that “once they get to know me, it usually gets better.”

I don’t feel that way anymore, but I still have to aggressively resist the urge to look at those I perceive as hotter than me and compare myself to them, totally objectively of course. It’s one of the strange aspects of homosexual attraction and dating. We can do a one-to-one comparison with potential paramours of everything from intelligence and talents to knowledge to athletic ability to … well, sizes — all of them, and that one. We should really, truly, definitely not do that to each other or ourselves.

It’s ultimately about our confidence and perception of others, but it starts with how we view ourselves. It’s looking in the mirror and not seeing the traumas of bullying or adolescence, but acknowledging the man standing there now. It’s seeing the things that make him beautiful, both inside and out, and loving and truly embracing the uniqueness of him as a total package.

Finally, if you haven't receive this message yet then let me be the first: welcome to DU!

[Fearless]

4. In my case: I like my hot guys, stupid.

Just a comma, but much difference in meaning.




For the record, I would love to find a brilliant, attractive guy with one stipulation... he needs to be humble and not arrogant. To me that's one of the least attractive qualities, hot or brilliant or not.

[TexasTowelie]

7. A reasonable stipulation and good luck finding him.

I don't mind a little arrogance (as in "pride&quot , but it also important to admit to being fallible and/or modest since no one should be placed upon a pedestal and worshiped.

[House of Roberts]

6. Julie Brown was way ahead of you, in

Earth Girls Are Easy.

[theHandpuppet]

8. I think smart girls are hot

A brain is a beautiful thing.

[Rowdyboy]

9. When my partner and I are dining out together we frequently comment to each other

on the physical beauty of some of the young guys, both customers and staff, but we don't ever prejudge their intelligence based on physical appearance. I've known very intelligent men who were good looking, and some who weren't. Their attitude is much more important.

Most of the wait staff at our favorite restaurants are young college students who are usually very friendly. If they're a pleasure to look at, thats just lagniappe.