I Choose To Be Gay

[David__77]

Being gay is my choice. I choose to be gay, because I choose to be gay. I embrace it fully, and don't choose anything else.

I'm not subject to some thing that compelled, pressured or forced me to be gay - I choose it.

Being gay has been a wonderful experience (state of being) ever since I came out so long ago.

Stating "I choose to be gay" is sometimes problematic, in my view, because of attacks from those morally opposed to homosexuality, internalized to the point that some might wonder "why would anyone choose that." I choose it because I choose it, and it thereby is integral to me as a person.

[xfundy]

1. Really.

How many times did you get beaten up because of it?

Can you 'choose' to be straight as well? Yes? Then you're bisexual. Congrats.

[David__77]

4. I've certainly been insulted because of it, and threatened as well.

It doesn't lesson my embrace of it - not at all.

I do not choose to be bisexual or straight.

[brush]

27. You may want to consider editing choice of words

"I chose to be gay" plays right into what anti-gay factions have been saying all along — that being gay is a lifestyle choice.

Did you consider "I chose to come out as a gay person" instead?

Or, "I was born gay and chose to come out"?

[Old Union Guy]

22. I "chose" to be straight a long time ago ...

... but it didn't work.

All the way out now.

[Smarmie Doofus]

2. In Logic 101... back in the Woodrow Wilson's first term....

>>>I choose it because I choose it,>>>

...my prof called this a tautology or something.

In any case, it doesn't say very much.

In the early days of the lgbt movement ( the early 70's) this was a common assertion. ( i.e. One's homosexuality was a "lifestyle choice.&quot

Not so much since.

[David__77]

3. I don't think it's tautology.

I'm not repeating myself. And conceptually it doesn't only apply to being gay, but to anything I am. I choose it. In terms of philosophy you could call it many things, but I don't think tautological.

[dballance]

5. I really don't believe anyone chooses to be gay.

I don't recall the day I decided "I'll have fries with that, and, oh, I'll be gay now too."

So you're saying you had the personal choice to be straight or to be gay and you chose the path of scorn, open legal discrimination still to this day and virulent hate by many people. That's not making a lot of sense to me.

"Being gay has been a wonderful experience (state of being) ever since I came out so long ago." Well bully for you. I'm glad you achieved some new state of being. Being gay is not an experience for me that started when I came out as it seems to be for you based on what you've posted. Being gay is who I am, who I always was, and who I always will be.

Your OP just flies in the face of all I know from all the LGBT people I know. All of us, bar none, knew from a very early age we were different. It just took a while to figure it out in most cases.

[dballance]

10. Well, you're just plain wrong. Not to mention ignorant and insulting.

If you think that AIDS is primarily a "gay" disease then you're really living under a rock. Any person who has sex with someone else is taking a risk of contracting various STDs. AIDS, Hepatitis, and others. AIDS is an epidemic in Africa and I can assure you it's not all gay men who have it. You might have missed the stories about the dentists who didn't sterilize their equipment properly between patients and, therefore, spread hepatitis, AIDS and other diseases among their patients. People get those diseases through no fault of their own. Even gay people.

How exactly do you know so much about the motivations of gay people? Who made you the authority on what is "correct?" You obviously don't know shit about gay couples. We don't play "roles." We don't play the role of "husband" and "wife" in our relationships or in our sexual relationships. That's such a silly, ignorant, antiquated perception on the part of some straight people like you.

No, gays do NOT usually admit their relationships are unstable. That's because they are no more unstable than heterosexual relationships.

When you can identify the day you chose to be straight as a deliberate choice I'd like here about that. Otherwise, take your neanderthal, knuckle-dragging, ignorant, bigoted views and go play somewhere else.

[cui bono]

12. They have been sent to play elsewhere.

Posting privileges revoked.

[Aerows]

13. I was proud to serve on this jury. I was #3

JURY RESULTS

You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Wed Oct 23, 2013, 06:25 PM, and the Jury voted 6-0 to HIDE IT.

Juror #1 voted to HIDE IT and said: No place for this post on the DU!
Juror #2 voted to HIDE IT and said: RW propaganda about gays, does not belong here
Juror #3 voted to HIDE IT and said: Wow. Open bigotry. Good grief.
Juror #4 voted to HIDE IT and said: Seriously, take your bigotry and GTFO. People who express that sort of nonsense do not need to be here.
Juror #5 voted to HIDE IT and said: Disgusting - hide it.
Juror #6 voted to HIDE IT and said: This is really one of the weirdest wrongest things I've read in a while.

Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.

[dballance]

15. I almost alerted but one never knows how a jury will react - so I posted a reply.

I'm very heartened to see the jury results on this. That post made me so angry it was all I could do to keep my reply as civil as possible.

[Swede Atlanta]

6. I am very confused....

As a gay man for the past 40+ years I did not "choose" to be gay.

I was born with a God-given attraction to members of my male gender. I bond with them physically, sexually and in many ways emotionally different than I do women.

Women such as my sister and friends are very much part of my diverse and vibrant life. I would not want a life that did not include the women.

But I did not "choose" to be gay - to be a person who has had to endure ridicule, torment, discrimination and more. I am the person that God chose to make me.

And I am happy. Luckily I have had a family that never questioned their love for me, friends who embraced my honesty and a community from my church to co-workers, etc. that affirm me.

Never would I say being gay is a "choice".

I choose to be positive in myself.

[Zorra]

7. Are you sexually attracted to women? nt

[ehcross]

11. Are you sexually attracted to women?

I am sexually attracted to women that meet certain standards: (1) Clean habits, (2) Romantic, (3) Seducer (4), Adventurous, (5) Ready to explore, (6) Intelligent.

[Zorra]

14. I am a sadistic dominatrix who enjoys torturing RW trolls, whatever flavor. nt

[Fearless]

26. +10000!

I only hope there's a day I can quote you on that!

[Zorra]

29. Well, ok, but please, don't take it out of context!

[Fearless]

30. Deal!

[Zorra]

34. OK. Not biting on that one? So how about this one: When did you choose to be gay?

[nomorenomore08]

8. Sounds to me like it's more a matter of "choosing" to be open rather than closeted.

And that phrasing it the way you have is partly just a matter of semantics.

[TeeYiYi]

16. I didn't choose to be gay. I AM gay. I've always been gay...

I would never choose to be anything other than who I am and who I've always been.

TYY

[David__77]

17. I didn't say "I chose to be gay," I said "I choose to be gay."

It's a different thing...

[TeeYiYi]

19. I don't see being gay as a choice...

It just is. Like being right handed; I just am.

My eyes are blue; no choice in the matter.

I'm trying to understand your point. Maybe you're trying to say that you "choose" to be 'out' as a gay man, as opposed to living your life 'in the closet'.

Please help me to understand the point of your OP because I sincerely don't get it.

TYY

[David__77]

20. I see why you don't get it.

What it is, from another perspective, is that I choose to embrace being gay. To me, that IS the same thing as choosing to be gay. Similarly, if I choose to embrace being left-handed, which I am, I choose to be left-handed. I am, somehow, more dextrous with my left hand. But I could opt to clumsily use only my right, should I choose to do so.

Although my OP wasn't concerned with the origins of homosexual orientation in general, I happen to think that the Kinsey scale has some validity to it: many people are somewhere along a gradation between "pure homosexual orientation" and "pure heterosexual orientation." I happen to think that these "pure" concepts are concepts that do not really exist. For instance, I've had sexual dreams about females, but I am in fact gay.

Choosing to be gay is not merely an affirmation of a state that exists independent of that choice, but it certainly could be the difference between living as a gay man or living as a straight man that secretly has sex with men.

[brush]

28. Saying "I choose to imbrace being gay" . . .

is NOT the same as saying "I choose to be gay."

If you don't get that you're going to keep on opting to make clumsy word choices.

[white_wolf]

18. I never choose to be gay.

I am gay and I went through about a decade of soul searching, denial, and self-loathing before I figured it out and was able to accept who I am. I had no choice over being gay than I had over being born white or male. I can't think of anyone who wakes up one morning and says "you know, I think I'll be gay today."

[David__77]

21. Are you sure people don't wake and say "I'm going to be gay?"

And is that so different than saying "I realize that I'm gay?"

When I was 14, I was reading a book on human sexuality in 8th grade English, and afterwards decided that I would have sex with a guy to get a sense of what that was about for me. I did have afterwards have a "I'm going to be gay" moment, albeit with a brief transition of talking about "bisexuality."

[uriel1972]

23. Sounds like you chose to follow your orientation...

rather than the one laid out for you by society. You may have had a "road to Damascus" epiphany about the nature of your true orientation and chose to follow it to it's logical conclusion. However, that doesn't make your orientation a choice.

It seems to me that most of the posters are talking about your underlying orientation and you are talking about the form it takes. That is why we seem to be arguing. YMMV though.

I didn't choose thirty years of confusion and misery about my gender. I have now chosen to accept it for what it is. That you woke up to it so early is great. Good for you.

The thing is there has been so much fighting, within ourselves and with the outside world to recognise that we are what we are and that it is an integral part of our being, not some whim. The "Chose to be Gay" argument is a rw talking point and an attack on our very being.

I know you did not mean to hurt others, but your statement did. So it might be time to stop fighting and both sides agree to disagree and let the whole thing drop out of sight.

[Zorra]

24. Hi, white_wolf!

Have you been taking a break from DU? I've wondering where you were.

[Fearless]

25. Why?

Why would a man in Iraq, for instance, choose to be gay?

Why would anyone choose to live in such a way that could end in their anuses being glued shut with industrial strength adhesives and fed diuretics leading to their deaths but not until after dozens of hours of suffering?

http://www.towleroad.com/2009/04/report-iraqi-militia-killing-gay-men-with-painful-form-of-anal-torture.html

Why wouldn't they just "choose" to be straight?

Because they can't. Being gay isn't a choice. Neither is being straight.

You can choose to date men if you are bisexual, or women. And you are able to feel sexual feelings about both. You can choose who to be with. But you can't choose what sex you love.

You can choose to take actions. But you cannot choose who you are attracted to. Believe me, millions of people have tried to stay in relationships with people, straight and gay, in which they don't have any sexual attraction to. They don't work.

[NCLefty]

31. I'm happy for you. I didn't choose it, but I'm still fine with it.

(and it has made me a better person :p)

[nightscanner59]

32. I choose to be honest with myself and others

But as both my older brothers can tell you, they saw I was attracted to other males long before I even admitted it to myself. Despite daily physical and psychological abuse growing up in a redneck town, I stood in front of a mirror as a youth and proclaimed to myself "I am gay". It is deeply ingrained in my psyche, my body and mind. The few understanding peers taught me about being a two-spirit, and how that works. My male spirit inhabits, the female surrounds. Yet any need for the male/female bond is already satisfied in me. Some are opposite, bodily male, female spirit inhabits, male surrounds, and wish to transgender. As I've aged it becomes all that much more apparent how all these things work together.
The right wingers want me to be dishonest, to reject who I am and live a lie. I simply cannot.

[WildClarySage]

33. Did I choose, did I not choose...

I dunno, I don't really care. There's nothing wrong with how I live my life, and it doesn't matter to me if I'm choosing this for myself or was born this way. If it matters to someone else, that's their problem, not mine. I do understand the politics of the question, but for myself, its irrelevant. If I did choose to be a lesbian, so what? Its my business, and there's nothing wrong with it anyway.

I have a partner I love, fantastic kids who I am responsible for, and a life that I couldn't imagine being any better. Some of the things that make my life great were the result of destiny, some were genetics, some came to me from my choices, and some from the grace of the gods. The family members who disowned me when I came out are the ones who lost a fantastic person from their lives, all I lost were people who made me question myself and who tried to drag me down to their level. If people like that can only accept me if they believe that I'm not fundamentally responsible for being gay, then I don't need them in my life.

Research shows me that being gay is not a choice. Introspection shows me that it wouldn't matter if it was; I'm not doing anything wrong in loving my wife.