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Sun Jun 3, 2012, 02:28 PM

My GLBT family: How did you meet your significant other?

Either your current one, or if - to paraphrase from someone else here who posted a recent thread - you HAD one with whom you broke off a relationship.

I'll start:

I don't talk much about my S.O. for a number of reasons. Honestly, it's basically over now, but we met at a bar in the West Village 16 years ago. We were together 14 years - lots of ups and downs, but the best years of my life were good thanks to him. Though he'd probably say we never were significant others, just friends. Sigh. I guess that means I've lost about 60 IQ points since I was a youngster. Or was I just kidding myself all that time? Or who knows, maybe we WERE just friends, and I'm no good at love and a normal person would have been pursuing a relationship more explicitly about romance and love. (Of course, a gay person back then hardly was treated normally, so how could I pursue a 'normal' relationship with another man?)

Anyway, it was the proverbial love at first sight - full thick head of dark hair, slender build, sharp dresser, hypnotizing glance. He left and I chased him out, lol. But we talked, exchanged numbers and off we went.

So it's over now, and I need to move on, but I'm finding it difficult to let go of the anger and hurt. I will eventually, and survive, but I thought it would be therapeutic for some of us here going through this to share, or even if you haven't broken up with your S.O., just share your thoughts about him/her.

Thanks.

75 replies, 8423 views

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Reply My GLBT family: How did you meet your significant other? (Original post)
closeupready Jun 2012 OP
MinneapolisMatt Jun 2012 #1
closeupready Jun 2012 #10
La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2012 #2
closeupready Jun 2012 #9
Amimnoch Jun 2012 #45
Amimnoch Jun 2012 #3
La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2012 #8
closeupready Jun 2012 #13
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #24
Amimnoch Jun 2012 #46
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #4
La Lioness Priyanka Jun 2012 #5
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #6
closeupready Jun 2012 #14
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #19
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #22
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #23
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #33
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #34
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #35
Marrah_G Jun 2012 #37
Amimnoch Jun 2012 #47
WillParkinson Jun 2012 #61
chervilant Jun 2012 #71
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #74
mitchtv Jun 2012 #7
closeupready Jun 2012 #11
mitchtv Jun 2012 #12
Puglover Jun 2012 #15
msongs Jun 2012 #16
closeupready Jun 2012 #17
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #18
closeupready Jun 2012 #20
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #21
Vanje Jun 2012 #25
closeupready Jun 2012 #27
mitchtv Jun 2012 #29
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #32
Marrah_G Jun 2012 #36
Fearless Jun 2012 #26
closeupready Jun 2012 #28
Fearless Jun 2012 #42
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #30
Fearless Jun 2012 #43
Marrah_G Jun 2012 #31
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #38
closeupready Jun 2012 #56
Behind the Aegis Jun 2012 #39
Rowdyboy Jun 2012 #40
Fearless Jun 2012 #41
Behind the Aegis Jun 2012 #59
dbackjon Jun 2012 #44
closeupready Jun 2012 #50
BeeBee Jun 2012 #48
closeupready Jun 2012 #49
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #51
closeupready Jun 2012 #52
Amimnoch Jun 2012 #55
closeupready Jun 2012 #57
BeeBee Jun 2012 #72
HillWilliam Jun 2012 #73
BeeBee Jun 2012 #75
William769 Jun 2012 #53
closeupready Jun 2012 #54
William769 Jun 2012 #58
WillParkinson Jun 2012 #60
ropi Jun 2012 #62
closeupready Jun 2012 #64
TrogL Jun 2012 #63
closeupready Jun 2012 #65
Prism Jun 2012 #66
closeupready Jun 2012 #68
DreWId Jun 2012 #70
MNBrewer Jun 2012 #67
closeupready Jun 2012 #69

Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 02:59 PM

1. My partner came to a cocktail party I was throwing...

..and 13 years later, he still hasn't left hahaha!

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Response to MinneapolisMatt (Reply #1)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 06:39 PM

10. What, is he waiting for a ride or something?

LOL

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 03:22 PM

2. i met lisa on friendster

i sent her a smile, she sent me her phone number. we've been together since our first day almost 6 years ago.

if 6 years ago someone had told me if that i would be in a monogamous relationship for 6 years, i would have laughed at them.



sorry, it's over. Maybe you'll meet a new person you like over pride!!

happy pride sweetie

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Response to La Lioness Priyanka (Reply #2)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 06:00 PM

9. Thank you. And dang you - you know how to

pull my heartstrings.

So happy for you and Lisa.

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Response to La Lioness Priyanka (Reply #2)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:45 AM

45. I can totally relate to the Monogamous relationship comment.

I never thought it would be for me either. I was a total tramp, loved it, and make no apologies for it!

I will never judge others on how they live their own lives, but for me, it's really wonderful when you are in that kind of relationship, enjoy being in that kind of relationship, and don't even have the desire to stray from it. We're monogamous, not because we have to be, not because some invisible deity demands it, not even because we demand it of each other.. we do it just because we enjoy each other so much, we just don't feel any need or desire to seek pleasure of that nature outside of us.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 03:40 PM

3. Picture it, New Years Eve, Dec 31 1996..

I had just got out of the US Navy in June that year, and after a couple months back in my home town of Lafayette, Louisiana, I landed a job in Houston, TX and moved there in September. Even then, I always attempted to use GLBT family businesses and people for services or goods, and my real estate agent invited me to his, and his partners New Years Eve party in the Heights of Houston.

It was around 7pm when I arrived at the party with a couple that I'd befriended. It was still early, so there weren't many people there. It was at the BBQ pit that I met my Rudy. A few looks, a few light flirts, and the rest of the night we laughed, and brought in 1997 together in each others arms, and midnight was our very first kiss.

From that very first night, there was a chemistry I'd never felt with anyone. Before January was even over with we could often finish each others sentences. Many of our friends were apprehensive about our relationship. It was moving too fast, and many would tell us "too soon" all the time. Thing is, Rudy and I KNEW we were moving VERY fast.. but it just felt so damn right, so we decided to ignore our heads and just follow our hearts. It didn't mislead us. In April of that same year, I flew my mother from Seattle, and Rudy's sister, Rudy and myself to Montreal for a suprise vacation. I'd bought Tepan Rouge (VIP) front row seats at the Cirque Du Soleil performance of Quidam. I'd arranged limo service for the evening. On the way to the show, with my mother and Rudy's sister in witness, I dropped knee and proposed.

We had our commitment ceremony in Houston in May of that same year.

In May, 2006 (one year after it was legalized in Canada) I flew the 4 of us back to Montreal and Rudy and I had our full marriage ceremony at the site where we'd watched the Cirque Du Soleil show.

Today, over 15 years later, I couldn't love someone more, and I can't imagine life without him in it.

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Response to Amimnoch (Reply #3)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 05:08 PM

8. love the story!

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Response to Amimnoch (Reply #3)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 06:58 PM

13. Very happy for you, Amimnoch!

Thanks for sharing.

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Response to Amimnoch (Reply #3)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:11 PM

24. When I lived in Baton Rouge

I was in Lafayette and Breaux Bridge pretty often.

(Love the Sophia reference!)

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Response to Amimnoch (Reply #3)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:48 AM

46. Thanks all!!



(HillWilliam, I was waiting for someone to mark up the Sofia comment... It breaks my heart all of the girls save "Rose" are gone )

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 03:42 PM

4. Today is my guys 63 birthday....we met 23 years ago (3/7/89) on a Monday night at the only gay bar

in Jackson Mississippi. He was 39, I was 35; it was his first night out as on openly gay man after a somewhat troubled 18 year marriage (they're still close friends-we spent Christmas with them).

I had moved to Jackson the previous year because I was sick of being alone in rural Mississippi. At least Jackson had a gay bar and it quickly became my "Cheers". After a year I was pretty depressed, pretty much convinced that I would end up alone. I overheard a conversation where this guy made a disparaging remark about George Bush and that caught my attention (an astonishing number of gay men in Mississippi are conservative Republicans-its sickening the crap they take in order to 'fit in"). He was cute, 5'9" with salt and pepper hair and a mustache. I zeroed in and kissed him before he left the bar (his two gay "escorts" were scandalized!

The next night we had dinner at my trailer-beef stir fry. One thing led to another.

Now we live a wonderful old home in a historic district with a Jack Russell, two yard cats (their choice not ours), a garden with 49 heirloom tomato pants, and a good friend on the city council. We hosted last years neighborhood adult Halloween and will probably do it again this year. We're both retired, spend all of our time together and somehow make it work. At the risk of rubbing it in, life is good.

Not perfect though. I found out 14 years ago that I was HIV positive (he isn't-it happened before we met). We're very lucky that my insurance keeps costs within reason-at least so far.

Every morning I wake up happy because I'm the outside of the "spoon". Every night I go to bed and hope that I get one more day with him. He's the best friend I've ever had and he smells good too....

I know it doesn't happen often but just know that it can happen. It happened to me...

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 04:04 PM

5. omg. that is such a lovely story

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Response to La Lioness Priyanka (Reply #5)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 04:29 PM

6. Thanks for your kind words....I've been happy for so long I've almost forgotten how

unhappy I was most of my adult life. I was stuck (voluntarily) in a rural area during my twenties. I had wonderful friends, even a god-daughter, but no hope of a relationship and I finally realized I had to move on or die. So I asked for a transfer at work. The rest is history (see above).

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 07:01 PM

14. I just love that story - you are a witness to the fact that

even in the face of adversity, a gay man can not only survive but thrive.

and prosper, probably, too - but I guess George Takei is the expert in those matters, lol.

anyway, thanks!

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 09:08 PM

19. Happy birthday, Rowdyboy!

I know your stompin' grounds pretty well. My ex's family is from the thriving metropolis of Petal. You probably know his family if I mentioned a surname.

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #19)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 09:52 PM

22. I lived in Petal briefly when I was 6 (1960).....its about 25 miles from where I grew up....

Know the name? Hell, I'm probably closely related. My folks have lived in Jones county since 1817. I'm related to EVERYONE!

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #22)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:08 PM

23. Well, given the size of the area you're in

if you're kin to Barrilleaux or Atkins, you might be. His mom was an Atkins (they're sidewise kin to Trace and you can see the family resemblance). Their Louisiana kin are Chose. (I always thought that was funny; it's French for "thing".)

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #23)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 11:14 PM

33. Hard to believe but you picked two names I have absoluely no known connection to....

And thats hard to do in rural Mississippi! Regardless, his folks and my folks had to be acquaintances-they had to be!

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #33)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 11:21 PM

34. No doubt

His parents had lived in the same spot for decades. It was certainly worth a shot!

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #34)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 11:48 PM

35. My great grandfather ran a small town restaurant there until 1932....Who knows....

They had their time and loved as they chose. Now we're doing the same....Hope we're carrying on like they hoped.

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 11:58 PM

37. That is an amazing story!

You are so lucky. Your life sounds wonderful!

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:50 AM

47. Beautiful story Rowdy!

I can totally relate. It's beautiful, wonderful, and scary at time when someone touches you that deep.

One of my favorite quotes:

"nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands"

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 03:03 PM

61. Happy birthday to him!

And lovely story.

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #4)

Tue Jun 5, 2012, 10:12 AM

71. Wonderful!

The way to a partner's heart--beef stir fry? lol Long term LGBT relationships are the rebuttal I use whenever anyone goes all heterosexist around me.

BTW, do you keep and/or share your heirloom tomato seeds?

(Smelling good is such a fundamental plus...)

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Response to chervilant (Reply #71)

Tue Jun 5, 2012, 12:28 PM

74. This is our first year growing them...I bought Michael 7 little packs of seeds and apparently every

single one came up. We sold nearly $100 worth at a yard sale, gave away plenty and finally planted the last fifty (one has since died). We've got "Black Krim", "Black Sea-man", "Pink Brandywine", "Aunt Ginny's purple", "Costoluto Genovese" (sounds like a crime boss!), "Peron" and "Southern Nights". Hopefully we'll keep (and share) what we have. PM me if interested.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 04:51 PM

7. I first met Ed at the Badlands at 18th near Castro

35 years ago. I had just come from the dirty bookstore and was bemoaning it to myself as to its meaninglessness. He was with his ex, who wanted to talk to me. Anyway he stiff armed the ex, or should I say cockblocked him and bought me a drink, I was ready to change my life, and we made a life together. We got 'married" two weeks later on St Valentines day. We had to officiate a local officer of the US-China Peoples' Friendship Association do the ceremony. That group alone dates us.

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Response to mitchtv (Reply #7)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 06:40 PM

11. I've been to Badlands - back in '92.

is that still around?

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Response to closeupready (Reply #11)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 06:45 PM

12. I thought you might have

The last time I was in SF it was there, but that was years ago. we since moved to Sonoma Valley and from there to Coachella Valley

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 07:20 PM

15. Oh geez I am not sure I should share but what the heck.........

I met my husband on a phone line that was for anonymous hookups. His "ad" caught my attention and I left a message for him.

He called me the next day and by that I time I was busy cleaning the house and not in the "mood" But I agreed to meet him at a local coffee house. I really did NOT want a blind date. Blind dates are hard with guys. So many of them decide in the 1st millisecond whether or not they are interested before you even have a chance to open your mouth. I had really arrived at the point where I was not looking for love as much as a good time. "Good times" are much much easier to come by. Soooo when I pulled up to the coffee house he was sitting at an outside table. And he was just about the most attractive man I had ever (up to that point) laid my eyes on. I remember thinking "oh that's right, what I got up for today was a rejection" So I stomped up to the table and asked it were him. It was. We talked for abit and he LOOKED AT HIS WATCH. "Alrighty that's it" I thought. He asked if I wanted to take a walk around one our lakes. I did. I kept thinking, "be cool be cool, don't yap out your life story" By this time our "quick hook up had evolved into a 1st date" We went to an Ethiopian joint for dinner. I was watching him scoop up some lentils with his injera and considered crying out "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!" Thankfully I resisted the urge.

We didn't kiss for a month and 1/2.

That was August 1997. I love him still, with all my heart.

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Response to Puglover (Reply #15)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 07:42 PM

16. these days it's play with their cellphones that tells u forget about it nt

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Response to Puglover (Reply #15)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 08:01 PM

17. Refreshing - you actually waited, lol!

I'm so used to rushing right in to things - if you know what I mean.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 08:58 PM

18. Gawd, CloseUp

I'm so sorry anyone would break your heart. I had to go through a series of really sorry ones before I met Rob. The last one before Rob put me in the ER, pretty badly banged up. When I finally got him out of the house and out of my life I swore that was it. For the first time in my life, I was good with ME. If I needed a little string to, uh, keep myself together, that would be fine.

I think in order to find the other half of your soul, you have to be good with the half you got. There's a whole back-story I won't go into here; suffice it to say it took a long time to see what was inside me was alright and worthwhile.

A month later, I ran into Rob. We had met a year before when I was in Ft Lauderdale. He was going through some pretty hard changes and I was still yet to go through my episode in Baton Rouge. He was a doorguard at a club I used to go C&W dancing regularly. One night whilst I was on my way out the door to go home, he just reached out and hugged me. I looked into those blue-and-gold eyes and I absolutely knew that was my husband. I got on my Harley and rode home, thinking how my life was a mess (I had dropped everything to come take care of my dad) and there was no room for a love.

I moved back to Austin, went to work for a company that went out of business in a few months. I got a gig in Baton Rouge and met Gary. Tall, handsome, charming, smooth-talking, two-timing snake. We spent almost a year in tumult that ended up back in Ft Lauderdale. It ended even worse than it had gone. My heart and body couldn't take any more. To Gary's credit, he got himself straightened out after we parted ways. After Katrina, I've never been able to find where he was to see if he was alright.

Yeah, I still care.

When he was finally gone, I ran into Rob again. In the meantime, he had hit the gym and was the most gorgeous muscular leather-clad hunk I'd ever seen. We flirted across the bar for hours and I thought, well damn, he's changed so much he'll never talk to me, but it's fun to flirt. Eventually, he came over and hugged me and shone his soul through those blue-and-gold eyes. That night we tore. It. Up. We began dating and I was so charmed by his gallant manners... in his words, we were both "smitten". Both of us had just gone through a year of pure-dee hell and weren't ready to settle down, but we found we couldn't stay away from each other. Immediately, we were finishing each other's sentences, found we loved and disliked almost exactly the same things (except I will NOT eat black-eye peas LOL.. he hasn't won that one yet! I still can't get him to dance, but hey, we're totally eye-to-eye on everything else.)

Funny thing, I recognized him right off from a year before. It took him a month and a half to realize who I was, that we'd hugged and shared a single kiss a little over a year before. You don't forget that very first kiss.

We just celebrated 16 years. Every day is still like a first date. When he grabs my hand I still just melt.

This is what I wish for you, CloseupReady. Not just "anyone", but your "someone".

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #18)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 09:09 PM

20. Thank you, sweetie!!

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #18)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 09:12 PM

21. You, like several others on this thread, made me cry....damn you all and damn DU for

Last edited Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:00 PM - Edit history (1)

letting me see that our story is a shared one. The facts change but the story remains the same. Love, apparently, wins (at least a lot of the time) and at least a few of us have been lucky enough to find it.

Your closing says it all. My ony wish is that everyone could find the right person. It makes all the difference.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:20 PM

25. Havn't met mine yet

I'm studying this thread for clues.

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Response to Vanje (Reply #25)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:34 PM

27. Personally, I've found it happens when you are just having fun.

but NOT when you are actively looking - that's a rule of thumb oft-repeated, and with good reason, IMO.

it seems sometimes that lots of people think I'm strange, because when I'm out, I'm not giving the least little mind to how others perceive me, or whatever - I just go out, see how I feel about a crowd's energy, have a drink or two, try and laugh. But it never fails if I go out deliberately to meet someone, it doesn't happen..

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Response to Vanje (Reply #25)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:49 PM

29. dear Vanje

it will happen for you, I promise, just let yourself be ready. That doesn't mean running off at the first opportunity either. You will know

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Response to Vanje (Reply #25)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 11:05 PM

32. Its just freaking luck.....It was luck the Monday night I met Michael

Who the hell meets anyone in a gay bar in Jackson Mississippi on a Monday night? So I wish you luck...You never know where you'll be or what you'll be doing when you find him or her. It just happens.

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Response to Vanje (Reply #25)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 11:56 PM

36. LOL- I know, right?

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:28 PM

26. I'll go with my present (and hopefully final) significant other

This will be an internet age story no doubt. I was never much for the bar scene, mostly because alcohol doesn't agree with me. In the past I had met most of my dates through friends of friends or at small gatherings amongst friends and such. To a bit of success.

I had been in a potential long term relationship (cut short) up until about four months before. That relationship ended awfully. We'll leave it at the feeling was not mutual and I was on the short end of that proverbial stick. (That is not an euphemism, promise!)

I decided to try out a few online dating sites. Frequently though I was more successful finding people to talk to and to a lesser extent sleep with than people I thought had much romantic potential. Believe me I went out once with a whole lot of winners there.

And I was fed up. With everyone. But one afternoon after getting out of class... I was working on my Master's at that point... I logged on and started wandering through profiles.

I found a guy with a really cute face and a smile that seemed to make me happier even from the computer screen. We were (and are) very different. I'm tall. He's short. He's outgoing. I'm reserved. He was several years younger than me (which above all I wanted to avoid after my ex). He liked to party; I liked to watch movies. I love kids; he's pretty much afraid of them.

I went out with him a few days later, after talking back and forth a bit. Dinner was with about seven of his friends. Oh kill me, an entourage on a first date. Spectacular for a guy that's reserved. But I survived. And so did we. We fell for each other fairly quickly, but have lasted. Through thick and thin. And believe me there were and are challenges, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Just seeing him smile at me still makes me happy.

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Response to Fearless (Reply #26)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:37 PM

28. Good for you - and HIM!

You are a jewel.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #28)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 07:43 AM

42. Thanks!

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Response to Fearless (Reply #26)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:58 PM

30. What a wickedly sweet story... all I can wish you is years and years more of the same....

Rock on my friend, rock on....

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #30)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 07:43 AM

43. And the same to you and yours!

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Sun Jun 3, 2012, 10:59 PM

31. I haven't met that life partner yet.

I'm still hopeful that someday I will.

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Response to Marrah_G (Reply #31)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 12:41 AM

38. Best of luck! I was 35 and had given up-my partner is older....

He was almost 40 when we fell in love (that was nearly 25 years ago).. His oldest friend is 65 and met his mate only two years ago. Life is what it is-embrace it and hopefully you'll find what you need.

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Response to Marrah_G (Reply #31)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:10 PM

56. I hope you do, too, sweetie!

Actually, I KNOW you will.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 01:00 AM

39. Not a fairy tale for sure.

Mr. BtA and I met 10 years ago (just had our anniversary in February) at a bar in Oklahoma City. I had just started going back out to the clubs. Prior to that, I had only been out on New Year's, see, what happened was in December of 2001, I basically had a nervous breakdown, for lack of a better term. I completely withdrew from everyone. So, when he approached me, I wasn't really interested. I thought he was cute, and very nice. He kept calling and PM'img me. I finally explained everything that had happened, it was a hot mess worthy of several story lines on any soap opera. I told him I was probably not a very good person to be around and he would be better off with someone else. He basically said, "one way or another, we are going to be together. If you need time, you got it. I'll be here. You obviously don't see in yourself what I see in you." What makes this even more special is he is a very technically-oriented person, not big on feelings, psychology, and the like. I on the other had was actually a counselor! LOL!

He waited. He called; we talked all the time. Then, came my birthday (May 17th), basically three months after we started dating. He secretly called my mother and offered to fly her out to Oklahoma to see me. We hadn't seen each other in two years, but we are very close and it was one of the reasons I was so depressed. That sealed the deal. He tried to get me the one thing I wanted most that year for my birthday without my ever saying that was what I wanted.

We are opposites in many ways. He is quiet and reserved. I am loud and in-your-face, though I can be unnoticeable, should I so desire. He is stoic. I wear my heart on my sleeve. He is "straight-like", and I am so gay, there are dead people haunting my parent's saying "really? you had no clue?!" He is an only child, I am one of four. His parents are much older, mine are 18 years older than me, and 12 years older than him. I am very close to my mother. His family love each other, but not what one would call close. I am out to my family; he isn't. He is long to anger, I get pissed if the mail is late. He rarely cries. I cry if the mail is late (OK, that is joke.."Golden Girls" anyone? Very obscure reference. If you get it, you are very, very homosexual!!), but I do cry easily. He is short on words. I can talk 'til i lose my voice, then keep talking because I know sign language! Basically, we are the literal Yin and Yang, mainly of one way, with a dot of the other inside us. We balance each other quite well. Of course, it didn't hurt he has a thing for Jewish boys.

I will say this...we are not each other's normal "types." If you looked at people we dated in the past, there isn't much in common. So, we were both looking for love in all the wrong places. Also, those who haven't met their special someone, it is sooooo cliche, but...when you least expect it, when you aren't looking, that little cherub, Cupid, is gonna getcha! Until then...git yo freak on!!

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #39)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 07:23 AM

40. Not a fairy tale? Whatever you say friend, whatever you say....

But someone willing to fly my mom cross-country sounds pretty sweet to me.

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #40)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 07:42 AM

41. +1000!

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Response to Rowdyboy (Reply #40)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:50 PM

59. I hate coming up with subject lines.

When I said it wasn't a fairy tale, what I meant was it wasn't bells ringing and racing across the room and falling deeply in love at first sight. He had his work cut out for him. So, I guess I was wrong, it was kind of like a fairy tale because in some ways he rescued me. And yes, he is a very sweet man.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:43 AM

44. We met playing softball

My ex and I had broken up in January four years ago, but he still lived with me (we had moved to Arizona together, and he really had no place else to go, so I let him stay until he moved back to the south). We had both joined a gay softball team (in a gay league), and were helping with registration for our big tourney. After registration was over, we were looking at the t-shirts etc for sale. I noticed Alex browsing as well. I smiled at him, he smiled back. That was the end of it that night.
Two days later, we had been eliminated from the tourney. I noticed Alex was there cheering on a team (his team had been eliminated as well), and one of my teammates Jeff was talking to him. I questioned Jeff about Alex, and he introduced us. I got his number.

We dated on and off, but nothing serious until after my ex moved out. Within a year, we were a couple, and he moved in shortly after that.

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Response to dbackjon (Reply #44)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 12:12 PM

50. thanks.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 11:26 AM

48. Well, we met in a bar...

broke all the "rules." We're still going strong 21 years later.

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Response to BeeBee (Reply #48)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 11:46 AM

49. Isn't it remarkable how many people here did meet at gay nightclubs/bars?

I recall years ago here on DU (in DU2) I had a conversation with another DU member (and this was in the early days of gay marriage becoming a hot topic) relating to gay people in rural areas. Or it may have been about Larry Craig? I can't recall the precise context.

I do seem to recall, however, that the person with whom I was exchanging posts was a straight female.

At some point, I tried to make the argument that, if there is a perception that gay people are all about sex, part of the reason is because in rural areas and even in many larger areas and in repressive states, gay people have the exact same sex drive as heterosexual men but almost NO arenas in which to gather and make acquaintance so as to find suitable partners.

And she actually responded 'yes they do, at church.' At first I thought she was being silly. But she wasn't, she reiterated that it's a terrific place to meet other gay people.

Well. You know. Where you gonna go with that?

As a disclaimer, I know there are wonderful, loving people here in the GLBT forum who are Christian and church-going and all that, but even they have to concede that most churches do NOT even welcome the FACT of gay people, let alone honestly welcoming them into the congregation. The hierarchies that are charged with administering to Catholics, Presbyterians, Baptists, Pentecostals, Methodists, Muslims, and even some Jewish variations - all of them in some way or another are hostile to gay people.

Anyway, thanks for sharing that, BeeBee.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #49)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 12:35 PM

51. I couldn't concieve of going to church in this

fairly open-minded rural county. Churches are about the last place we're welcome. In most other rural counties in the south, no self-respecting gay person would step into a church knowing what was coming. So it's activities or clubs. I spent a lot of time fund-raising in the LGBT community, but never did I find mate-potential in any of them. I did find some dating potential among other competitive dancers, but there again part of the activity was "competitive". I needed an equal, someone to be my buddy, confidente, *then* lover.

It was pure luck, I think, to wind up with exactly that man.

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #51)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 01:04 PM

52. Exactly. And even as to activities (and by that I think you mean sports or

health-related things like gym), sports is an endeavor which - in modern US times - is almost as homophobic as religion.

I don't mean the activity is homophobic; rather, many of the men who are athletic and sports-oriented are homophobic, very much so.

The point being that unless one lives in a university town where there are likely to be gay-oriented sports leagues or cities like New York or LA or SFO, it can be difficult for an openly gay person to find a sports activity where they can socialize with other gay athletes. They are all in the closet!

Or maybe that's just how I see it, but it's always seemed like that to me.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #49)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:09 PM

55. Yes, I'd love to see if i can find my husband in a place that is disgusted by us.

I do know that all churches aren't that way, but many are, and finding one of the open, inclusive, and accepting churches outside of major metropolitan areas is highly improbably if neigh impossible.

This little internet thing-a-ma-bobber we have here is the new age of connecting us imho. I'm seeing more and more people who have met via the internet every year (heck, there's a few examples in this very thread).

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Response to Amimnoch (Reply #55)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:11 PM

57. True, on the internet ushering in a new age for GLBT people.

Thank GOD for the internet.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #49)

Tue Jun 5, 2012, 11:55 AM

72. Back then, there was an unwritten set up "rules" for finding a meaningful long-lasting relationship.

Don't meet in a bar.
Don't sleep together the first night
There were several others but that I can't remember and we broke them all.

It was really quite a funny story involving a Yugo without a muffler and having to break into a locked third story condo.

As someone said down below, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

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Response to BeeBee (Reply #72)

Tue Jun 5, 2012, 12:00 PM

73. LOL Everybody quoted the rules

but I don't remember very many (well, perhaps one or two) who actually obeyed them. Or most of them. Okay, a rule or two.

But here we are, blessed with success in spite of ourselves

Mazel tov!

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Response to HillWilliam (Reply #73)

Tue Jun 5, 2012, 03:50 PM

75. Cheers! n/t

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:05 PM

53. I met mine in a bar.

The last place I thought I would have ever found true love.

Just goes to show, if it's meant to be it will be.

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Response to William769 (Reply #53)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:09 PM

54. I should have asked, did anyone here meet them NOT in a bar?

LOL, because seems like we all did.

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Response to closeupready (Reply #54)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 02:11 PM

58. LOL!

Well times back then were a little different.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 03:01 PM

60. I met him at the candy store, he turned around and smiled at me, you get the picture?

Actually I had gotten my first computer, a Commodore 64! Had just moved into my own place and gotten online (which in those days meant BBS'ing, not websites). Had made a few online friends, but had not found anything local. Then one day I picked up a copy of InStep, a local gay paper, and found an ad for a gay bulletin board system called Crossroads. So I dialed in.

I had been rooting around for a few minutes when I got a chat request. I, of course, accepted. Oh what a bad idea. The person on the other end, "Electronic Kid", typed so...freaking...slow. It was so bad I wanted to just finish typing his sentences for him. I politely excused myself and logged out.

A few days later I found another system "DYM492", which stood for Dial-Your-Match. I got in, went through the registration process and within seconds got the message "The Sysop wants to chat with you, do you want to chat with Sysop?" I said sure, why not.

The typing was...so...freaking....slow. Oh, look, the sysop is Electronic Kid. Greeeeeat. He was interesting, but I just couldn't stand typing with him so I gave him my phone number. He called and we talked for hours. In fact, we talked daily for hours. One day I asked him if he wanted to go to dinner. He accepted. There was a Pizza Hut near the house so I invited him there. He said he'd pick me up.

The doorbell rang and I looked outside the window. He was not a classic beauty and I was fine with that. The person I had spent all the time with on the phone is the one who made me smile, not a conception of what he looked like. We went to dinner, had a good time. When we went back to his car and got in, he put it into gear and drove over the concrete parking lot stops. It was a good thing his car was so big. It was the funniest thing. I knew right then that I was smitten with him.

We had a private ceremony on April 1st. This day was chosen because so many people said that within 6 months we'd be looking for other people. We took April 1st because every year that passed would just make them bigger fools.

2 years ago on April 1st, we legally wed in Vermont.

He still can't type, but Paul continues to rock my world. I cannot imagine my life without him and I'm very grateful that I accepted the chat with Sysop.

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Response to WillParkinson (Reply #60)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 03:39 PM

62. i love this post

"We had a private ceremony on April 1st. This day was chosen because so many people said that within 6 months we'd be looking for other people. We took April 1st because every year that passed would just make them bigger fools. "

That made me smile

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Response to WillParkinson (Reply #60)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 06:43 PM

64. Thanks for that.

Very touching.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 05:54 PM

63. I approached him trying to get him to hook me up with somebody else

...not realizing that we belonged together.

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Response to TrogL (Reply #63)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 06:45 PM

65. Another personal history that shares a theme with others here -

the search for someone to love.

Seems like that is ultimately what everyone here is looking for.

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 07:36 PM

66. World of Warcraft

We'd known each other for several years and disliked one another intensely. Not for any personal reason, but our respective groups of friends did not get along. It seemed proper that we should be hostile towards one another on account, even though we played the game together with the same group of people four nights a week. One day he realized I was the only person on very late at night, so he'd start bouncing around and actively trying to annoy me out of boredom. Night after night, we engaged in a kind semi-humorous mutual irking about how much we bothered each other. Then he started jokingly referring to me as Bear On Call, bugging me to come help him. Which I started always doing. I started referring him to Otter on Standby in return, joking that when I broke up with my current boyfriend, I'd take up with him.

Well, that current boyfriend was a compulsive liar and cheat, so that came rapidly and easily.

I lived in Chicago and he lived in San Francisco, but after several months we arranged to meet. I flew out his way. It was not a charmed meeting. He wore eye-liner, purple pants, a mohawk, and discussed David Bowie and Lou Reed at great length. To his dismay, I was never going bald, not paunchy, and stereotypical t-shirt and jeans quiet Midwesterner. His parents stared. My parents thought I was a borderline child molester (I was 29 and he 19).

After several more trips, I moved out to the Bay Area, and we've been together for 3.5 years now. We get along so well, our friends are nauseated. Our respective parents adore the other. We don't use first names ever. It's always "Bear!" "Yes, otter?"

I'm pretty sure this is the man I mean to marry someday. We're in one of those situations where we take it as a given and talk about it, but when it will be "official" may not happen for years. We're content as we are, totally, totally unalike, not at all each other's type, but working out ridiculously well just the same. Sometimes, people just fit.

And we still play WoW together.

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Response to Prism (Reply #66)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:12 PM

68. That's so sweet.

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Response to Prism (Reply #66)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:22 PM

70. Otterly adorable and beary sweet

That is really sweet. Thanks for sharing and I wish you an awesome Bowie/Warcraft wedding!

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Response to closeupready (Original post)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 07:42 PM

67. an online bear site.

Gurrrrrr

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Response to MNBrewer (Reply #67)

Mon Jun 4, 2012, 10:13 PM

69. Is that avatar your patron saint?

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