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Mon Dec 17, 2012, 07:05 PM

A friend of mine was arrested on child molestation charges

I'm not going to tiptoe around it. The guy was a friend at one time. Not an acquaintance or a co-worker. I hadn't seen him in several years, though.

He was a youth coach and an umpire and referee. He also worked in the school system.

I'm not going to tiptoe around this fact either. We all knew. Everyone in his town (I didn't live there, just worked there) knew. People who liked and didn't like the guy because they thought he was a molester knew, at the very least, that there was something up with the guy. Deep down, it was hiding in plain sight. Even my boss told me he had been approached by the local police and questioned about him on an informal basis. Mind you, this was five or six years ago. He wasn't arrested until last week. If you go to the comments section of the local newspaper's website, there are literally dozens of people commenting and all saying the same thing. They knew, everyone knew.

The guy always had these boys tagging around with him. All about eight to fifteen years old. He'd introduce them as his godson, or a son of a friend (always a woman) of his. I got the impression they were all kids without a father who was around, because a lot of the back stories he'd give implied the kid's mother was working and he playing big brother or babysitting them. One time a bunch of us went to a ballgame, and he brought along one of them (along with his own biological son). It creeps me out just thinking about it now.

The last time I saw him was at the mall about seven years ago. He had a kid, a boy, a teenager (not his son), with him. He actually made a joke, directed at me to the boy, saying "Watch out, this guy used to be a priest". Because ha ha....priests molest kids who look up to them. It was at that moment, I decided I was going to avoid this guy.

I've tried so hard to limit my judgement of men who hang around kids through youth sports, boy scouts, religious groups without their own kids around and heavily involved. But this shattered it. I can't be unbiased anymore or give "the benefit of the doubt".

I'm not going anywhere with this....just had to vent.







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Reply A friend of mine was arrested on child molestation charges (Original post)
ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2012 OP
Major Nikon Dec 2012 #1
lumberjack_jeff Dec 2012 #2
ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2012 #3
LeftofObama Dec 2012 #4
ProudToBeBlueInRhody Dec 2012 #5
opiate69 Dec 2012 #6
Warren DeMontague Dec 2012 #7

Response to ProudToBeBlueInRhody (Original post)

Mon Dec 17, 2012, 09:34 PM

1. A former co-worker is in prison right now for it

I don't have all the details, but from what I know it was particularly egregious. He molested his granddaughter at a minimum and perhaps others.

Many years ago he and I applied for the same job which he got. The selecting manager was a religious nut as was this guy which is why he got the job. He was completely incompetent in the position, but he proselyted at work quite a bit which is why the manager liked him. Interestingly the manager in question was forced to retire early a few years later due to fraud and essentially stealing from the company. So one was a crook and the other was a pedophile. Both were religious nuts.

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Response to ProudToBeBlueInRhody (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 12:09 AM

2. I'm glad they caught the guy.

And I'm sorry for the guilt you have about your suspicions.

... but if your main takeaway from the lesson is a "bias" against men who work with kids, I'm not sure it's justified, and in fact may be contributing to the problem. Decent men choose to not teach because of this stereotype. The only men discouraged from working with kids by the stereotype are the non-predators. The stereotype has the effect of driving the wheat to chaff ratio down.

A father in the home is a strong protective factor for kids. It is unfortunate that his victims apparently lacked that benefit.

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Response to lumberjack_jeff (Reply #2)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 11:46 AM

3. Again, I'm just venting

I have no doubt that many of these kids were from absentee father households. I know this guy himself never talked about his own biological father, but I got the idea he was out of the picture at an early age and not to be discussed, at least around his mother.

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Response to ProudToBeBlueInRhody (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 12:12 PM

4. As upsetting as this obviously is

I would wait to get all of the facts. Anyone can accuse anyone of anything, but that doesn't make it true. I've seen good people ruined by this sort of gossip and innuendo. What is his side of the story?

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Response to LeftofObama (Reply #4)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 12:30 PM

5. I have no idea what his side is

What I do know is I trust my instincts here. Something was not right, which was why I ultimately decided to not have any further contact with this person. I've heard some very disturbing things told by him to others that I trust. If, in fact, he is not a child molester, he has a Michael Jackson/Jerry Sandusky size cognitive dissonance about what is appropriate behavior with young children and teens.

I also know now that he apparently had dozens of complaints lodged against him over 30 years. Clearly, the police did not rush to judgement on the latest allegations as the investigation has been ongoing for six months apparently.

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Response to ProudToBeBlueInRhody (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 01:38 PM

6. An old friend of mine is in prison for murdering his estranged girlfriend...

I had posted an OP about it back on DU2.. got into it with the douchenozzle OMC... It should be in my journal over there still.. Kind of amazing the different emotions something like this can elicit, almost a grieving for the loss of the person you thought you knew.

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Response to ProudToBeBlueInRhody (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 02:10 PM

7. Sounds like there was some reason to be suspicious of this guy for a while.

I dont think people get tagged with "i think hes a child abuser" out of the blue, for no reason too much. If anything, i think things can get ignored, covered up, or "that nice man" (or woman) gets the benefit of the doubt for too long- look at Sandusky.

Like Jeff said, glad they caught him and presumably he wont be able to harm anyone else.

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