The DU Lounge

UTUSN

(70,680 posts) Tue Apr 17, 2012, 08:39 PM Apr 2012

"U.S. Navy - Then & Now." Warning: barely politically incorrect

The thing below came from a military newsletter. On the plus side, attitudes toward women here are actually positive. There is a tinge of nostalgia for the "Commie/Red" days.

But apparently I'm from an older Old Navy, since I'm adding this couplet:

THEN - Political incorrectness from a sailor scalded the skin off your carcass.
NOW - Political incorrectness from whoever wrote this is like a dandruff shampoo.

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U. S. NAVY, THEN and NOW

THEN - If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk.
NOW - If you smoke, you get sent outside and treated like a leper, if you're lucky.

THEN - Mail took weeks to come to the ship.
NOW - If the ship is near land, there's a mob topside to see if their cell phones work.

THEN - If you left the ship it was in Blues or Whites, even in home port.
NOW - The only time you wear Blues or Whites is for ceremonies.

THEN - You wore bell bottoms everywhere on the ship.
NOW - Bell Bottoms are gone and 14 yr-old girls wear them everywhere.

THEN - You wore a Dixie cup all day, with every uniform.
NOW - It's not required and you have a choice of different hats.

THEN - Say “DAMN,” people knew you were annoyed and avoided you.
NOW - Say “DAMN,” you'd better be talking about a hydro electric plant.

THEN - The Ships Office yeoman (clerk) had a typewriter on his desk for doing daily reports.
NOW - Everyone has a computer with Internet access and they wonder why no work is getting done.

THEN - We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
NOW - We put the real thing in the cockpit.

THEN - Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive.
NOW - She is on the same ship, praying your condom worked.

THEN - If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the ship so you could sleep it off.
NOW - If you get drunk off duty, they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

THEN - Canteens were made out of steel and you could heat coffee or hot Chocolate in them.
NOW - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat them because they'll melt, and anything inside always tastes like plastic.

THEN - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
NOW - They collect our pee and analyze it.

THEN - If you didn't act right, they'd put you on extra duty until you straightened up.
NOW - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

THEN - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
NOW - Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time.

THEN - You slept in a barracks, like a soldier.
NOW - You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.

THEN - You ate in a Mess Hall or Galley. It was free and you could have all the food you wanted.
NOW - You eat in a Dining Facility. Every slice of bread or pat of butter costs, and you can only have one.

THEN - If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center , played pool, smoked and drank beer.
NOW - You go to the Community Center and can still play pool, maybe.

THEN - If you wanted a quarter beer and conversation, you could go to the Chief's or Officers' Club.
NOW - The beer will cost you three dollars and someone is watching to see how much you drink.

THEN - The Exchange had bargains for sailors who didn't make much money.
NOW - You can get better merchandise and cheaper at Wal-Mart.

THEN - If an Admiral wanted to make a presentation, he scribbled down some notes and a Yeoman (clerk) spent an hour preparing a bunch of charts.
NOW - The Admiral has his entire staff spending days preparing a Power Point Presentation.

THEN - We called the enemy things like “Commie Bastards” and “Reds” because we didn't like them.
NOW - We call the enemy things like “Opposing Forces” and “Aggressors or Insurgents” so we won't offend them.

THEN - We declared victory when the enemy was dead and all his things were broken.
NOW - We declare victory when the enemy says he is sorry and won't do it again.

Thank God I was in the “OLD NAVY.” And proud of it.

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"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
Groucho Marx (American comedian and film star 1890-1977)
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