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Fri Apr 13, 2012, 09:17 PM

Seeking cheap therapy:)

All my life i've been denying or hiding that I'm socially awkward at times and an introvert afraid that all that know me would think less of me if they knew the depths of my pain over it. My daughter has this unfortunate affliction and it causes her pain sometimes but not all the time. She is painfully aware that she doesn't fit in with the in crowd and it causes her low esteem and she judges herself harshly sometimes. All things that I do. She is a very successful student at UVA, straight A's, graduating this year.

She has mentioned that she thinks she got it from me even though her dad is an introvert also. I'm very friendly and love people they just don't seem to love me back. I'm quiet sometimes unless I have something important to say. Not much for smalltalk. I don't drink and so don't get invited to happy hours in the hood. I'm not too funny as I'm a serious person but I do have fun.

Anyway my question is how do I stop hating myself for being all the above and learn to embrace the awkward, the introvert? I sink into some painful self hatred for making my daughter this way and her thinking it's my fault.

I want to learn self love and confidence no matter what I am as long as I'm good to people which I am.

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Arrow 8 replies Author Time Post
Reply Seeking cheap therapy:) (Original post)
rainy Apr 2012 OP
Iris Apr 2012 #1
rainy Apr 2012 #2
siligut Apr 2012 #3
rainy Apr 2012 #4
Major Nikon Apr 2012 #5
lovemydog Apr 2012 #6
Chan790 Apr 2012 #7
Odin2005 Apr 2012 #8

Response to rainy (Original post)

Fri Apr 13, 2012, 09:50 PM

1. Read "The Introvert Advantage"

Last edited Sat Apr 14, 2012, 05:05 AM - Edit history (1)

And give it to your daughter as well.

The main thing about introversion vs. extroversion is to stop thinking of introversion as negative. Introverts and extroverts get energy from different places - extroverts in social situations and introverts in solitude. People act like being an extrovert is the norm and good and that being an introvert is abnormal and bad, but that's simply not true.

Read the book. Really. It will change the way you think about yourself.


http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334368109&sr=8-1

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Response to Iris (Reply #1)

Fri Apr 13, 2012, 10:28 PM

2. Thanks that sounds fantastic!!!!

Thanks again for respond to my post!

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Response to rainy (Original post)

Fri Apr 13, 2012, 10:40 PM

3. I agree with Iris

Read the book, it will help you to appreciate yourself for who you are. While your daughter may have helped you in the long run, because you asked for help, she really is being unrealistic and unfair.

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Response to siligut (Reply #3)

Sat Apr 14, 2012, 12:13 AM

4. Thanks

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Response to rainy (Original post)

Sat Apr 14, 2012, 12:46 AM

5. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

CBT uses methods that actually train your brain to think differently and replace thoughts of negativity with positive thoughts. Over time your brain actually builds new thought processes and it can be very effective at alleviating even very serious psychosis. If it were something very serious I'd say seek a professional that can tailor the treatment to the specific circumstance, but for something milder there are certainly a lot of good books on the subject. You can search on CBT. There are also a number of books on improving emotional intelligence (EQ) which use these principles.

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Response to rainy (Original post)

Sat Apr 14, 2012, 01:03 AM

6. Remember going in to any social situation that

most everyone there is as uptight as you. Some act out in really funny ways - so notice that and laugh to yourself! That might make her laugh at herself and others and help her feel more comfortable. It has helped me at times.

Also, remember that's it's just a stupid party (or social gathering or what have you) so there's no need for super intelligent conversation. Merely showing up and being courteous will cause people to note that you're awesome. Mainly because you didn't puke on the sofa or drop the ming vase. Even if you were - who cares - at least it was funny.

Sometimes I'll do stuff that's like a prank. I'll walk all the way to the back of a party, grab a soda, the disappear without telling anyone I'm leaving. Most people just remember you were there.

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Response to rainy (Original post)

Sat Apr 14, 2012, 01:24 AM

7. I don't suppose you're anywhere near Hartford, CT.

There's a social services NPO there that offers free psychotherapy in exchange for volunteer service in low-income communities.

For example, you can go volunteer at the soup kitchen and the social service organization will give you therapy in return for your service commitment. It seems like a good way for people who really need therapy who can't afford therapy and don't have insurance to get that therapy.

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Response to rainy (Original post)

Sat Apr 14, 2012, 02:32 AM

8. Read some stuff by Carl Jung, it's eye-opening.

Especially his stuff on the Shadow Complex.

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