A typical day

[Orrex]

ME: Thanks for calling Acme Technology Company. How may I help you?

CUSTOMER: I came in this morning and the system wasn't working and when I tried to use my access code the system wouldn't take it so I tried again and then it's still not working and so I--

ME: Okay, I--

CUSTOMER: called my manager and she said to call you but I didn't know your number but she gave me one and I called it and it wasn't right so I called her back and she gave me another one but it was for some other department at your company and I don't even know where you guys are and what am I supposed to do if I--

ME: I can help. Where--

CUSTOMER: can't even get to the access pad and even if I could my code's not working I don't know why it's the one they gave me and they said it would work and they even said that they called you to make sure but now it's not working and how am I supposed to deactivate the system if it won't even take my code and they said it works but it doesn't and I don't know what's wrong with your system and now it's--

ME: Hang on a sec. Can you--

CUSTOMER: beeping again and how do you turn this stupid thing off why isn't the code working should I try it again it's not going to set it off is it and what if it doesn't work did they even tell you what my code is I mean there must be something wrong with the system right because why wouldn't it work I'm not an idiot I know how to push buttons and hell I've done it before and it worked but not now so why---

ME: ...

CUSTOMER: won't it work now there's other businesses nearby and they're going to get sick of listening to this damn thing and I tried my code again but it's still not working should I call my manager again she said it's the right code and she's the one who told me to call you did you call her what did she say I know she's talked to you about this before and you can't expect us to put up with this forever you really need to fix it this is ridiculous ok I did my code again and it's still now working and now there's someone at the door to see what's wrong and what am I supposed to tell him doesn't it make me look silly when I can't even activate my own system I've been working here five years and this happens all the time I don't know why we even deal with you you never help us and here we are again and I'll probably have to call back tomorrow for the same bullshit and I'm sorry to curse no offense I'm not mad at you but I've been through this so often that I'm really frustrated right now I'm kind of done you know done I'm done I just want to rip the damn thing off the wall and I swear I will if it doesn't stop doing this every day oh my god it's still not off and holy shit if I didn't have to be here right now I would walk out I mean it I'd just walk out goodbye that's all for me I don't need this crap today I have shit I have to take care of and oh shit now my manager's calling me again and what do I tell her should I say there's something wrong I mean she knows that already because this happens all the time but honestly what should I tell her she's going to ask me if it's working and it's not or I don't think it is because it wouldn't be doing this if it were working or at least I hope it wouldn't but here we are and ok she hung up and are you gonna help me or not? Hello?

ME: ...
ME: Can you tell me your password?

CUSTOMER: Password? I don't have one. I told you my code's not working they didn't give me a password they gave me a code.

ME: And what is that?

CUSTOMER: My code! Aren't you listening? I told you it's not working.

ME: But what is your code?

CUSTOMER: It's what I put in the system it's not working. Are you kidding me?

ME: ...
ME: ...
ME: Ok, tell me your code and I'll see if matches what we have.

CUSTOMER: (sighing dramatically) 2435.

ME: Ok, that's also your password.

CUSTOMER: No, it's my code and it isn't working. I told you. Oh my God! Can I talk to someone who knows what they're doing?

[Turbineguy]

1. Your customer has

62,979,878 friends.

[Orrex]

2. LOL

And I've spoken with every single one of them.

[Orrex]

3. Another popular one:

CUSTOMER: Hi, this is John. I have a question about my account.

ME: Hi, John. I'll be happy to help. For the phone record, can you tell me your last name and your password?

CUSTOMER: Password is ELBOW724

ME: ...
ME: ...
ME: ...Aaaaaand your last name?

[True Dough]

4. It is tough these days

with 1,500 passwords and another 50 pin numbers. Trying to organize and remember them all is a real chore, particularly when some of them force you to change your password every few months and you can't use a previous one. And you must include at least 1 number and one character (like $%&*!*, etc.)

Of course you're not supposed to repeatedly use one password for different accout either. I've been in that position plenty of times where I'm forced to reach out for tech support because nothing seems to be working and my attempts to change a password is thwarted by an old invalid email account or something of the like.

But I try to be civil, and even pleasant, when dealing with any front-line staff.

[Orrex]

5. The example above is atypical

Last edited Tue Jan 24, 2017, 10:37 AM - Edit history (2)

It's a (reasonably) accurate portrayal of a fairly common occurrence at the job, but most people are much cooler about it.

If I could offer a few fundamental rules to remember when calling customer service, they'd be:

1. Accept that you have temporarily transferred some control of the conversation to the operator
2. Pay attention to the operator
3. Answer the questions that the operator asks you
4. Do what the operator tells you

Obviously, this assumes an operator who is both competent and willing to help. If an asshole answers when you call, then it's a whole different ballgame.

But I'm daily amazed at the number of people who call for assistance and promptly refuse to accept assistance or provide necessary information. The password anecdote is the classic example:

CUSTOMER: I own the goddamn system! I pay the goddamn bills! Why do I need a goddamn password?

ME: Well, because you explicitly pay us to refuse service unless the caller can verify the password.

[lunatica]

6. LOL! They want to tell their STORY more than they want to get something fixed

When I used to train girls in a clothing store I always told them that when a customer wanted to return something and complain about that they should let them talk. I explained that the customers expect some sort of resistance from the clerks so they come armed with explanations and complaints. If you just say, "OK. I'll be glad to reimburse you for it." without letting them tell their story it makes them feel cheated.