Mathematics of Sex

[Lionel Mandrake]

Last edited Wed Apr 4, 2012, 04:53 PM - Edit history (1)

My earlier thread on 'Oral Sex Etymology' appealed to one of the "Two Cultures" described by C. P. Snow. For proper balance, I thought it advisable to offer another thread which would appeal to the other "Culture", (i.e., nerdy, scientific types).

I shall grossly oversimplify the rich variety of human sexuality as follows: every person has one of two genders (M or F) and one of three orientations (S, G, or B). There are thus six types of people. Each entry in the following table is a '1' if the type of person indicated to the left can perform a particular act (designated by the letter 'C') on the type of person indicated above.
[font face="courier"]
    |   M   |   F   |
  C | S G B | S G B |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 1 0 1 |
M G | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
  B | 0 0 0 | 1 0 1 |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
F G | 0 0 0 | 0 1 1 |
  B | 0 0 0 | 0 1 1 |
____|_______|_______|
[/font]
All the entries in the first three columns are zeros, because the act in question can only be performed on a female. All the entries in the fourth row are zeros, because a straight female would refuse to perform any sexual act on another female. Can you explain the other entries in the table?

Here are tables for two other acts that people sometimes perform on other people.
[font face="courier"]
    |   M   |   F   |
  F | S G B | S G B |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
M G | 0 1 1 | 0 0 0 |
  B | 0 1 1 | 0 0 0 |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 1 0 1 | 0 0 0 |
F G | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
  B | 1 0 1 | 0 0 0 |
____|_______|_______|
[/font]
[font face="courier"]
    |   M   |   F   |
  T | S G B | S G B |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
M G | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
  B | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
F G | 0 0 0 | 0 1 1 |
  B | 0 0 0 | 0 1 1 |
____|_______|_______|

Easy questions: what do the letters 'C' and 'F' stand for?
Harder question: what does the letter 'T' stand for?


On edit: Following is an advanced topic which assumes you know how to multiply matrices.
The 6 by 6 matrices C and F are related by a similarity transformation:

C = A F A  and  F = A C A,

where A is another 6 by 6 matrix:
     _           _
    |             |
    | 0 0 0 1 0 0 |
    | 0 0 0 0 1 0 |
A = | 0 0 0 0 0 1 | .
    | 1 0 0 0 0 0 |
    | 0 1 0 0 0 0 |
    | 0 0 1 0 0 0 |
    |_           _|

The matrix A represents a permutation which replaces males with females, and vice versa, while preserving the orientations S, G, B defined earlier. The matrix A is symmetric and is its own inverse, i.e.,

A A = I,

where I is the identity matrix:
     _           _
    |             |
    | 1 0 0 0 0 0 |
    | 0 1 0 0 0 0 |
I = | 0 0 1 0 0 0 | .
    | 0 0 0 1 0 0 |
    | 0 0 0 0 1 0 |
    | 0 0 0 0 0 1 |
    |_           _|

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. Omigod!

I have no idea as to the answers......I'm tired, and my brain has turned to oatmeal, BUT...

I have to say I am filled with admiration for the work you have done here!

You are inspired!

[Lionel Mandrake]

4. Aw shucks, Ma'am,

't'wern't nothing.

[opiate69]

2. the answers....

cunnilingus, fellatio and tribadism

[Lionel Mandrake]

3. Well done.

The last table has a certain symmetry that the others lack. (The 6 by 6 matrix is symmetric.)

Your user name suggests another symmetric sexual act. What would the table for that act look like?

[Dr. Strange]

5. Two more

[font face="courier"]
    |   M   |   F   |
  t | S G B | S G B |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 1 0 1 |
M G | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
  B | 0 0 0 | 1 0 1 |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
F G | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
  B | 0 0 0 | 0 0 0 |
____|_______|_______|

[/font]

[font face="courier"]
    |   M   |   F   |
  J | S G B | S G B |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 1 0 0 | 0 0 1 |
M G | 0 1 1 | 0 1 0 |
  B | 0 1 0 | 0 0 0 |
____|_______|_______|
  S | 0 0 0 | 1 0 0 |
F G | 0 1 0 | 0 1 1 |
  B | 1 0 0 | 0 1 1 |
____|_______|_______|
[/font]

[Lionel Mandrake]

13. "t" might be "traditional" sex,

i.e., insertion of an erect penis into a vagina.

"J" is symmetric. I have no idea what it stands for.

[Rabrrrrrr]

14. "And again, Dr Strange posts his mysterious J chart", thought the Lady Jessica.

"J for what - Jessica? Jihad? Jabbar? What is he trying to say? Why was this same chart embroidered on Dr. Yueh's speedos and discovered also painstakingly stained with sapho juice into the wood of that strange contraption in Thufir's chambers that looks like a cross between a swing and a hammock bolted to the ceiling? Is it a warning to me - and if so, a warning from Dr Strange to help me, or a warning from him against me? Oh to be back on Caladan where we didn't all have sand in our *&$s all the time. I must have Stilgar kill Strange and I will turn his water into ice for a margarita the size of that fast bastard Baron. Seriously, does no one think this place is too *@#&% dry to live in? WTF""

[Dr. Strange]

18. "I've been talking to Rabrrrrrr," Paul told him mother.

"Rabrrrrrr is one of the city Fremen. He rarely steps foot in Sietch Lounge," she replied.

"He wants me to kill Dr. Strange."

"Kull Wahad! He has said this?"

"Not in his speech." But in his actions. And his PMs that he sends late at night.

Jessica tread lightly. "I have a bad feeling about this. Will you do it?"

"Should I?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

"My heart tells me that Strange is dangerous. It also tells me that you need to stop quoting Star Wars. That franchise is for illiterate people. We are not people of the Grabben and Pan. We are better than that."

"True, but we are of the body. We are of Landru."

Paul sighed. "A more literate franchise, I'll grant you, but still beneath us."

"If you do move against him, be sure to use the chain of command."

"I'm the Kwisatz Haderach, mother. I'm a mentat emperor! I rule all!"

"Do you know what the chain of command is?" Jessica asked. "That's the chain you go get and beat Strange with to show everyone who's in command!"

"Really, mother? Firefly? That didn't even last a whole season!"

"I'm sorry, Paul." His anger! Maybe breast-feeding him until he was twelve wasn't as wise as I thought.

"No worries, mother." Paul gazed across the sands of Arrakis. "This has all happened before and it will happen again."

"You frakking hypocrite!"

[Rabrrrrrr]

27. The Ghola Duncan Idaho rounded the corner, riding a very large and moving Torb, drinking a Pepsi.

"Klatu barada nikto," he hissed into his wrist phone. "Pruneface - Klatu brada nikto!"

"What the *(@#" muttered Paul. That's three franchises and one product placement in the space of one walk on. Who's writing this shit? What's next, the Ice Pirates taking over the spacing guild's interstellar travel? The Gnomes of Zurich taking over their banks?

"Chani," Paul yelled, his rolls of fat vibrating like a quarter-driven motel bed.

"What?" she yelled back from the kitchen.

"Bring me some Hagen-Dasz, you ungrateful whore!" Like I don't know she's been sleeping with Strange and plotting against me; a plot even my mother doesn't see. I might be fat, but I still have the sight. Dumb and Dumberer.

"Hagen-Dasz was last season, you blind Airbus. We have Ben and Jerrys."

Winded from yelling, Paul caught his breath while his mother recoiled in horror at how much weight he'd gained, even from last year. Can't even fit in the overalls any more. Just wears a tarp, like a stack of lumber sitting outside at Ace Hardware, the place with the helpful hardware man. I bet he hasn't seen his 'kangaroo mouse' in years. Gross.

Paul turned up the flow on his PurAir Oxygen to avoid passing out. Jessica thought about how his nasal plugs used to be attached to his stillsuit, not his oxygen tank. Chani cried to herself, thinking we'll always have Paris.

Paul heard her thoughts. kull wahad indeed! How did Strange get us slipping through so many alternate realities so quickly? Which one will he settle on? Which will be the one in which he finally bests me in hunger games? But, I grow weary. I must sleep, perchance to dream. Of ways to kill that meddling Strange and his mystery van!

[Lionel Mandrake]

29. Klaatu barada nikto? That's from a really old movie.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
(not starring Keanu Reeves)

The robot Gort might vaporize Patricia Neal if she doesn't speak the magic phrase just right.
She looks appropriately scared ...

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. It was also used twice in the 2008 version.

[Lionel Mandrake]

31. *** SPOILER ALERT *** Yes, it

"was added at Keanu Reeves' insistence as he wanted to speak the famous line. Helen Benson never learns the phrase in the remake. Instead, Klaatu uses it near the beginning of the movie to shut down Gort after he was shot, and again (highly distorted and barely audible) at the end when he touches the sphere and stops the destruction of the earth."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klaatu_barada_nikto

[Dr. Strange]

32. Your brilliance dazzles me once again.

Oh, and by the way, I HAVE totally been sleeping with Chani!

[Rabrrrrrr]

33. Woot!

Now stop cuckolding Paul.

[CreekDog]

20. that's disgusting

[Dr. Strange]

21. That's what she sa--

well, you know.

[CreekDog]

22. i know

i saw her table

[Dr. Strange]

23. Ignore my post.

I thought I was responding to another DUer with "Dog" at the end of their name.

[CreekDog]

24. I expected as much since your from the South

Dakota.

[Dr. Strange]

25. This is precisely why I don't like you and your Rush-hating clique!

[TZ]

26. You will be happy to know

that I was blasting the Rush as I drove through the desert today...

[Dr. Strange]

28. Geddy likes this!

[rug]

6. I like sex on a table.

[Lionel Mandrake]

15. LOL.

   
___ ___
|         |

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

7. You forgot to factor in "Drunk, or Sober"

a whole nuther dimension to the equation.

[Lionel Mandrake]

10. You're absolutely right.

When we're drunk, we do things we wouldn't do while sober. That's part of the oversimplification I mentioned earlier.

[MadrasT]

8. Everybody doesn't fit into one of two neatly defined genders.

Nor does everyone believe that there are two and only two neatly defined genders.

There are all manners of other gender identities. (Genderqueer, agender, bigender, pangender, nonbinary, genderfluid, and so on.)

Nice chart though. I like charts.

[Shining Jack]

9. +1 n/t

[Lionel Mandrake]

12. Yes, that's another dimension I've ignored.

If you define gender by chromosomes, how do you classify XXY?

If you define gender by the external appearance, how do you classify a person with Ambiguous genitalia?

If you define gender by how people view themselves, that's much too complicated for any mathematical treatment I can think of.

[MadrasT]

19. I hear ya.

It's just something I am passionate about raising awareness about.

(And I really do like your chart.)

[edbermac]

11. So how is this gonna help me get laid?

I was never good at math.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

16. Could it be worse than an astrological calendar? nt

[Lionel Mandrake]

17. Math and astrology are equally useless for this purpose.

Math won't help anyone get laid.

Astrology is a complete waste of time, except for those who make money from it.

Psychology is the best subject to study if your purpose is to get laid.