HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » The DU Lounge (Forum) » PARAPROSDOKIANS

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 12:19 PM

PARAPROSDOKIANS

(Winston Churchill loved them) Are figures of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
frequently humorous.*

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right -only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,'
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations.
On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency,
notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'*
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.*
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.*
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes
misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

8 replies, 1376 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 8 replies Author Time Post
Reply PARAPROSDOKIANS (Original post)
elleng Mar 2012 OP
MiddleFingerMom Mar 2012 #1
gratuitous Mar 2012 #2
geardaddy Mar 2012 #3
siligut Mar 2012 #4
bluesbassman Mar 2012 #5
gratuitous Mar 2012 #6
kcass1954 Mar 2012 #7
Joe Shlabotnik Mar 2012 #8

Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 12:36 PM

1. 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. - - - Thank goodness.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 12:46 PM

2. If you don't have anything nice to say about a person

Come sit by me.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 01:27 PM

3. It takes a big man to cry

It takes and even bigger man to laugh at that man.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 01:33 PM

4. # 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Another version of the lolcatz, "I meant to do that."

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 01:54 PM

5. Women will never be equal to men...

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Hey, wait just a doggone minute!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 02:54 PM

6. I never repeat gossip

So listen closely the first time.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 05:21 PM

7. A friend won't let you do something stupid...

Alone.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Mar 22, 2012, 05:22 PM

8. On the other hand, you have different fingers n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread