I would like to say I'm thankful.
Although our immediate needs are met, although we have more than many, I'm anxious and afraid.
My wife has rightfully decided, after suffering a brain injury that has probably ended her career in IT, to retire. There are (is?) a number of financial problems with this, but the fact is that she needs to retire. I told her that if we have a poorer retirement, so be it. So fucking be it: it is her happiness that is important. Her quality of life. Her enjoyment of life. Her sanity. Those are the important things.
We've said for 15 years that we will move home to Southern California after she retires. But we didn't envision her retiring like this.
We're underwater in our house. I've been reading up on short sales. The thought scares me, but I don't know if housing in this area will improve enough in the near future for us to break even. With the huge, enormous growth of new residences of all kinds surrounding us (where used to exist trees with attendant wildlife), I doubt it. And I don't know if a short sale would even be approved. Since I've been unemployed, we've maxed out our credit, so I doubt this, too.
I haven't worked since July '13. I'm studying to be a medical transcription editor. My goal is to finish by March 31, and to secure employment very soon thereafter. But I don't know how much I'll earn; there's really no way for me to tell at this point.
When we move home, we're merging house with one of my sisters and her daughter. My sister retired early, in July '13 (forced to do so by unendurable working conditions), and she has a small retirement income, but not enough. I don't know how she's squeaking by. Surely she will have found work by the time we move home. My niece, due to some emotional problems, has never worked. (She will be 28 on the 6th.)
I'm anxious and I'm afraid. I'm navigating the worlds of real estate, cross-country moves, merging a home of three cats with a home of ten, moving ten cats across the country, and starting a new career - all without a map.
Did I mention that I'm anxious and afraid?
However, we have
deep love, affection, and respect for each other
a roof, affectionate pets, ample food and clean water, and safe personal transportation
people who love us and whom we love - family and chosen family and friends
and I am deeply, deeply grateful.
How can I be anxious and afraid with all of this? But I am.
= new reply since forum marked as read
