My neighbor is a bit of a crazy asshole.

[Orrex]

In fact, he may actually have a mental issue. He's quite elderly, and I seldom walk past his house without hearing him berating his wife, who isn't in the best of shape either.

He's lately taken to shooting poisonous little barbs at me about the state of my yard or my car or my roof or my garage, etc., and I've frankly had close to enough.


At what point am I justified in telling him to go fuck himself? Or at least taking a dump in his flowerbed?

[ohiosmith]

1. Shitting in his flower bed would be a nice gesture. It is after all time to fertilize. I'm sure he

would be most grateful and quit breaking your balls.

[gratuitous]

2. Return a soft answer to his wrath

He may very well have mental issues. I've never regretted giving a kind answer to a poisonous little barb, but I've sure felt bad about loading up and firing back in kind when it turns out the other person may not have been in full possession of his faculties. If he's quite elderly, he may be gone soon enough.

[Orrex]

6. I'm on reasonably good terms with his son

I may wimd up asking him about it. Certainly I wouldn't really do any harm or wish ill toward someone of diminished capacity, but I wouldn't mind speaking to a competent relative about it.

What kills me is that the house was more or less vacant for at least six months before we bought it in December. You'd think that the simple fact that it's occupied would be preferable to an empty dwelling, even if I haven't yet mown the lawn on this first day of spring...

[Tobin S.]

3. I hear you

We have home improvement Nazis all around us. To the north we have an elderly couple who have already taken liberties with our landscaping. They are always telling us how we can make our place look nicer. At the end of the summer last year they wanted permission to trim one of our trees and put shutters on our house, at our expense of course.

To the south of us we have the elderly couple's son and his family. It seems like they are out there every day when the weather is warm doing something to the yard or the house or the garage.

Our house doesn't look bad, but it doesn't look as good as theirs. When they made that suggestion last summer we flat out told them we didn't want to spend the money. I wouldn't mind our place looking like something out of Better Homes and Gardens, but we just can't afford it.

Anyway, yeah, tell him to mind his own business.

[siligut]

4. Had the same thing happen

And it turned out she does have dementia. I had to talk to her son in order to have her looked at and diagnosed. She was a real pain, one minute complaining about me and my stuff and the next minute wanting me to do her a favor.

It is irritating when people start to lose it and they get mean. It is a sort of ego defense and frustration with themselves. I will tell you, once I found out that she was mentally incapacitated, I was glad I was never rude to her in return.

I did just ignore her once, I was busy and she would rush out her door when she saw me and expect me to come up her drive and listen to her crap, I just pretended I didn't hear her.

[JoePhilly]

5. "Thanks for your perspective, I'll consider that."

If he press, say "Again, thank you for your input, I have another obligation to which I must now attend. But again, thank you for your perspective."

Then leave.

Just keep doing this. Either he will stop bugging you, or he will yell ... "fuck you", at which point, you ask him why, when you have treated him politely, has he decided to attack you in such a manner.

Do not be the first to lash out.

[freshwest]

8. Wise words.

[JoePhilly]

11. Plus, if you confront this idiot in Florida, he can shoot you and claim "stand your ground".

[freshwest]

12. No only that, if one if less that very respectful as you advised, the family will turn on them.

They are responsible, but will defend their own no matter what, and could be listening to every word being said. One must beware in those situations.

[Wait Wut]

7. He'll just get worse.

My son finally escaped the insanity of an unstable neighbor. She started out "okay" and was even friendly. After a year, she started yelling at people in the neighborhood. My DIL was afraid to even go out on her own patio. She then started blocking his truck in and when he'd wake her up at 4am to move it, she'd start screaming at him. One morning, his Harley had two screws in his front tire. While that "may" have been a coincidence, we all doubt it (the screws were towards the inner part of the tire, near the rim). 2 weeks before he had called the owner of the property (management wasn't doing anything) and the owner called to tell her she would be evicted if she didn't stop harrassing the neighbors. My son had spoken to his neighbor's husband on several occasions and he was extremely apologetic and would mumble things about medication. She was "better" for awhile, but the few days leading up to the tire incident, she had been leaving notes on his door, chasing him to the parking lot trying to hand him notes, etc. The notes were completely nonsensical. Mostly complaining that they had "too many plants" on their patio and that his wife should be deported.

Be careful and if he starts getting worse, call someone. It sounds like he needs help. If he's elderly, it could be signs of dementia or Alzheimer's.

[pipi_k]

9. So sad...

When my MIL lived with us after breaking her 2nd hip, she started losing her faculties.

We didn't realize till some time later that it was likely the result of the anesthesia from the operation plus the fact that she was getting her meds on a regular basis (I suspect she was NOT taking them when she lived on her own).

She got mean, which was not like her at all.

A doctor eventually said she had renal failure and placed her on hospice care in our home, which meant no more of her usual meds...just what became necessary as time went on.

Well! As soon as her regular meds were stopped, she came back to us. Her mind, I mean. I think it was the meds that were screwing with her head.

I suspect a lot of seniors take meds they don't really need, and that may be the problem...interactions and all...

very very sad.


Anyway, it might make you feel better to respond in kind, but it does nothing to help the situation

[LaurenG]

10. Aw he's just being himself ;)

My parents lived next to a family for years and out of the blue after not having seen the lady of the house for a year or so she rang their door bell and told my dad that he had sex with baby puppies and she knew it, at the time he was teaching grade school so he was really pissed at her over that and wouldn't talk to the family until one day when her son who was a doctor was visiting and he told my dad about the form of dementia that she had. She would seem perfectly fine for awhile and then do something like cut all the limbs off her pecan tree and paint it hot pink.

Best wishes with your neighbor.

[Grey]

13. I am more concerned about his wife.

This sounds like abuse to me. Does the Son know how mean and miserable his Father is to the Mother? Could you phone and report Elder Abuse? I really hate to think of that poor woman, alone in the house with this man.

[avebury]

14. I would agree with that. nt

[Orrex]

15. That's a fine question

We've only lived her about 3.5 months, so I'm reluctant to dive into interpersonal dynamics that might go back decades. From what I can tell, she has a dismissive sort of "that's just his way" attitude about it, and it doesn't seem to affect her too much. More power to her, I say.

I would also venture to say that physical abuse is unlikely, given his condition. Not that it's impossible, and not to downplay the trauma of psychological abuse, but I get the sense that they have achieved their own balance about it.


It's weird, and I fear that I'm not doing a great job describing the situation accurately, other than the part about him being an asshole to me. I can't really report on the entirety of what goes on behind their closed doors.

[Odin2005]

18. Me, too.

[Major Nikon]

16. The next time, say "Wow! You're not dead yet?"

[femmocrat]

17. This is why I never talk to my neighbors.

They are all a bunch of crazy assholes, IMO.

[onethatcares]

21. you..................you.....................you

should hear what we say about you.

[LeftinOH]

19. The neighbors may be on their way out (literally), anyway.

If they're really old, sometimes there's an accelerated period of chronic b!tching and complaining, which are the "storm before the calm" if you catch my drift.

[Orrex]

20. Right now he's telling his son that I should move my car

Their carport is close to my yard, and they like to drive across my four-foot-wide stretch of grass so that they can also use my driveway to access the street. Apparently I'm a bad neighbor because I won't jump up to center my life on their moment by moment needs.