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TexasTowelie

(111,279 posts)
Sat Jun 20, 2015, 10:52 PM Jun 2015

Breaking the ply barrier





[font color=330099]Being a towel, I was intrigued then amused when I stumbled across this 1998 article from The Onion. Please enjoy and don't forget to bring a towel![/font]


Bounty Officials Approve Third Ply


CINCINNATI–In what is being touted as the most technologically advanced spill-containment system ever, Bounty officials unveiled its breakthrough three-ply paper towel Monday.

Long regarded as an impossibility by the world's top paper-towel engineers, the revolutionary three-ply towel features a patented triple-weave moisture blotter that exponentially increases strength and absorbency without sacrificing softness.

Bounty officials called the new towel "the quickest picker-upper in human history."

"By breaking the three-ply barrier, Bounty has achieved a level of spill-absorption power competing paper-towel manufacturers can only dream of," Bounty vice-president of product development Randolph Stenzel said. "This is a very exciting time to be at Bounty."

Developed at a reported cost of $2 billion, the new towel is the first to feature the Oblitersorb™ moisture-punishing system. The advanced system, located deep within the core of the third ply, uses special anti-wetness agents to trap moisture inside walled micro-chambers. Once trapped, the moisture is violently pummeled into submission by a contracting textile-weave lattice-grid and then converted to simple molecular form and rereleased into the home's atmosphere as inert gases. Strategically placed vent points in the paper towel's quilted surface aid in the dispersal of the harmless vapors.

Read more: http://www.theonion.com/article/bounty-officials-approve-third-ply-491
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Breaking the ply barrier (Original Post) TexasTowelie Jun 2015 OP
heh Kali Jun 2015 #1
Not only that, TexasTowelie Jun 2015 #2

TexasTowelie

(111,279 posts)
2. Not only that,
Sat Jun 20, 2015, 11:36 PM
Jun 2015

but being genetically enhanced for super-absorbency I'm the ultimate user experience to dry off those damp spots.

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