Though the condom is functionally extinct in the wild, condom farms across the globe are going strong with an estimated larval population in the billions.
The typical condom will shed its skin 15 times through the larval stage, allowing for over a dozen sheaths to be collected before the condom is either allowed to mature as breeding stock or slaughtered for its meat which can be found in “Chicken” nuggets and Spam.
Shed skins undergo a process called “Encondomization” once harvested in which the reservoir tip is sewn on by hand, the condom is dipped in lubricants or spermicidal jelly if applicable, and then rolled up and packaged. The process dates back to Ancient Rome where condom farming began, specifically in buildings known as “Condominiums”. One such condominium is still cranking out the product, having been in continuous operation since approximately 160 B.C.
You can still find it at 00186 Piazza di Montecitorio, Rome, Italy. Cicero’s International House of Condoms now features a museum on the history of the condom and is open to the public. FIJMU followers can get a discount, just ask for Enrico.
Stage two: Wash in soap and water. Lye is a great degreaser, but we don’t want any overtly alkali residue on the skins or they may irritate the users! Lots of soapy water then a good rinse in fresh water will finish the final degreasing and make sure the skins are as clean as possible. At this stage, if left to dry, you essentially have very thin rawhide. Any moisture and they will reconstitute and start to decay naturally.