How much more can we do? (Mostly just a rant.)
Yes, I live a comfortable retired teacher's life. My husband and I both worked hard and managed our money the best we could...going from him having to work two jobs when he was in the Navy and I was staying home with our infant who needed constant medical attention to both of us working good jobs and reaching 65, retiring, and wanting to spend what time we have left enjoying life. Our health is relatively good so far and though we don't actually live together, we get along; so life should be ok for right now.
However, our grown daughter has fallen on hard times due to the type of self-owned business she's in and now we find ourselves trying to support her and her three children. She and her husband have separated and he makes less money than she does so there's no help there.
She received the foreclosure notice on her house last month. Apparently she hasn't been making her payments for quite some time. (She can't afford the mortgage, or the upkeep, or or the utilities. It's simply a case of trying to live better than she can afford, i.e. big house, etc.)
My husband and I are making her $550 a month car payment (so high because the interest is something like 18 or 19%. It's an upside down loan now). We pay $150 every month for the 3 kids' school lunches, $250 each month for braces, a couple of hundred a month for incidentals like food, and we're paying for cable bundle so she can use the internet in her almost defunct business. And that's just the stuff I can remember right now. (Whenever the grandkids need something extra, we always come through for them and always will. It's what grandparents do.)
She doesn't want to move out of her neighborhood because it's a nice place to live.
She doesn't want to give up her car because it's a nice SUV (gas guzzler).
She doesn't want to give up trying to make her business work because she gets to be her own boss and work from home.
She doesn't want her husband to live with her because she hates him even though it would help financially.
Now to my point...if there is one.
I'm beginning to resent all this because we're draining our savings and there's not going to be any way to recoup the money. These aren't loans we're giving her. It's outright free money.
I feel so badly for her but I know that part of the problem is that we raised a very selfish and self-centered daughter. I love her dearly, but she tends to make bad choices and is reluctant to actually try to find solutions to her problems. She's always sort of stuck her head in the sand and ignored the obvious and now she can't seem to find a strong footing.
No, I know this isn't as bad as some people have it. Things could be so much worse...but it's still a reality that I'd like to change. Again, my question...how much more can we do? Or maybe the question should be how much more should we do?
Probably just rhetorical questions...I really don't think there's a good answer. *sigh*
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I'll take some strength from your experience and maybe I'll be able to do something similar.
I'm so glad you're able to stay in touch with the grand-daughters. You're right...that's the most important thing. 
I have a friend going through this right now and I fear she is going to lose a lot because she is sticking her head in the sand, too. I have given her advice but she needs real counseling (both credit and otherwise).
I know you feel obligated but I always wonder what people would do if their parents were gone. I never had anybody to fall back on and I struggled in a way I would not wish on anyone. But when you have no one but yourself, you find a way. So I get very frustrated when I see people who ARE being helped just waste it.
The financial advisors would NOT recommend you losing everything as well. I'm very sorry for your situation and I know it's hard but your daughter needs more than just money right now.
I've suggested counseling at least once and maybe need to suggest it again.
Our parents weren't able to help us much either and we finally found our way after a few tough years. I remember my Daddy sending me a five dollar bill every month or so just for "extras" and I saved until I had enough to buy a used washing machine ($40.00 !!!!). Of course, that was 1969 but still.
I'd buy hamburger from the Commissary at 25 cents a pound and use less than 1/2 pound to cook a meal!!! My husband worked his 8-10 hours in the Navy and another 5-6 hours at a convenience store. I made our little baby's clothes from less than a yard of material and we somehow we survived.
Maybe I should have told that story over and over to my daughter over the years!!!!!
Stay healthy.
Your post implies that your daughter is being unreasonable in her expectations and your financial help is not really "help"... it seems as if giving up the house, car and business could give her the impetus to begin again and you are merely stalling the inevitable... (important to treat the grandkids occasionally though 
)
tough love is important...
I have no savings (almost retirement age) because I have continued to help my children (egads!- 5 of them)... they just all, at times, have seemed to fall on bad luck. They all buy 2nd hand clothes and work when they can and don't have any luxuries to speak of. Each one of them has dreams and hopes and I have no problem helping them financially whenever they need it.
The caveat... they know they will be taking care of me when I can no longer help them 
If I thought for a minute any one of my children was being unreasonable or extravagant, I would simply tell them NO if they wanted money to help fund behaviors that just keep them "in the hole".
