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Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:46 PM

Embarrassing Medical Exams!

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf femaile patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, ' How long have you been bedridden? '
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive. '

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR


I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked,
' So how's your breakfast this morning? '
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.' Bob replied
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly'.

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit ,


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety
of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered . . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green and above it there was a
tattoo that read . . . ' Keep off the grass. '

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,


AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..



As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,
' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you? '
She replied with tears running down
her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
' I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener . '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....


1 MORE


Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed, ' she replied..

' Well, strip down to your waist, ' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk. '

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.'

------




18 replies, 2921 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 18 replies Author Time Post
Reply Embarrassing Medical Exams! (Original post)
elleng Feb 2013 OP
Sekhmets Daughter Feb 2013 #1
Angry Dragon Feb 2013 #2
Kadie Feb 2013 #3
russspeakeasy Feb 2013 #4
Honeycombe8 Feb 2013 #5
Tyrs WolfDaemon Feb 2013 #6
elleng Feb 2013 #7
riverbendviewgal Feb 2013 #8
elleng Feb 2013 #9
840high Feb 2013 #10
LiberalEsto Feb 2013 #11
elleng Feb 2013 #14
sadbear Feb 2013 #12
dr.strangelove Feb 2013 #13
datasuspect Feb 2013 #15
elleng Feb 2013 #16
siligut Feb 2013 #17
TrogL Feb 2013 #18

Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:50 PM

1. Loved the last one, but

Kentucky Jelly made me howl! Thanks.

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 08:52 PM

2. Good Ones

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 09:01 PM

3. ROFL!

Loved the last one.




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Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:45 PM

4. Thanks, I needed that...

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:53 PM

5. Too funny!

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:57 PM

6. You owe me for two keyboards

One for me and the other for my father.


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Response to Tyrs WolfDaemon (Reply #6)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:58 PM

7. OK,

you know where you can find me!

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Thu Feb 14, 2013, 11:59 PM

8. I read them all out loud to my boyfriend

Without reading first. I could glance at the next few words and started laughing before I could finish. I got myself under control and finished the joke and we both were laughing so hard. I had tears from laughing so hard. And this was for every joke.

Excellent!!!! Thank you for my laughs before going to bed. Wonderful feeling. Please find more like them.

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Response to riverbendviewgal (Reply #8)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 12:04 AM

9. Came from a high school classmate.

Will ask her for more!

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Response to elleng (Reply #9)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 12:16 AM

10. Funny!

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 09:15 AM

11. OMG those made my day, elleng

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Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #11)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 12:14 PM

14. Happy to help, LibEst!

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 09:23 AM

12. They shave your pubes for an appendectomy?

I still have my appendix.

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Response to sadbear (Reply #12)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 09:35 AM

13. no, but it is a good joke

these made me laugh.

Plus, a tattoo like that would be awesome.

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 01:40 PM

15. i had a yeast infection/fungus on my weiner

 

it was embarassing to talk about.

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Response to datasuspect (Reply #15)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 01:47 PM

16. I'll bet! At ease disease;

THERE'S A FUNGUS AMONG US!!!


P.S., My husband gets yeast overgrowth whenever he takes antibiotics, which he did recently for pneumonia. He's really struggling to banish the yeast. It's in his mouth, and once invaded his esophagus etc. BAD news.

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Response to datasuspect (Reply #15)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 02:38 PM

17. Yet you just posted it on teh intertubes

So glad you got over your shyness

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Response to elleng (Original post)

Fri Feb 15, 2013, 03:32 PM

18. Prostate exam

I went to my doctor awhile ago for a physical and he got out the rubber glove and jelly for a prostate exam.

While he was doing it, I started squirming, then moaning until he finally snapped "stop that!!"

Yes, he knows I'm gay/bi and can take a joke.

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