Help with my hemostat!

Just be prepared for shame and humiliation.

Hmmmm? Oh, that's right, a big fat nothing.

If you keep it up, next year I'll get you two fruitcakes.

See here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018264585#post18

TYIA

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018264436#post8

See? These include happy wishes and kisses. Maybe more of those and you wouldn't be trying to pull nose hairs with a hemostat.

Hold still while I get a good grip on it...

Ah.

There! It's open, and you're free. Have a kleenex while you're at it.

Next time, leave the damn hair!

Bunch of people on this Earth wondering why they can't get through a metal detector without the damn thing beeping.

It could be worse.

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AND THIS HELPS ME HOW, EXACTLY?????







I bet you're the kind of guy that when his buddy falls and breaks his arm, you go over and instead of helping him ypu show him your scars and tell him how lucky he is, that bone sticking out of his forearm isn't so bad, it was a clean break, not like mine, see, look here at this.....

Otherwise, my helpful reply would have been, "I HATE it when that happens!"

Otherwise, my helpful reply would have been, "I HATE it when that happens!", because when it does I end up laughing so hard I get a stitch in my side.


And those really hurt.


Owwie.

You're welcome.

I just learned that. I wish people wouldn't keep this shit secret.

My junk isn't caught in anything, what do think, I'm some sort of idiot?

I have a hemostat stuck on my nose!


Wait.


Uh.

And our budget got cut last year.

But we still have pocket knives and cotton balls!

Sorry to hear about your balls, though.

Is it a congenital condition, or a tragic childhood accident?

That make less noise when they're slapping up against... uh, what is the content rating for this site?

So soft and smooth.

You know what those things are for. They are for pulling yourself up with your bootstraps (if you are an old white guy) or for getting that last toke off a joint. That's why all you liberals want Obamacare. So you can do stupid shit and have the government pick up the tab. So go ahead and rip half your nose off. It will send a message to others.

And scolding those in need of assistance is so remindful of, hmmm, let me think here for a moment Ebeneezer, it will come to me....

If you try it, make sure you record it.

You must think that I'm some sort of carnival side-show attraction or something.

An acetylene torch will take it off, and rid you of nose hair at the same time.

I still have flashbacks...


But, I'm willing to give it a try again.

I'm a little older now, and with the medication the palsy only bothers me when I try to concentrate on fine motor movements with my hands.


Hey, can I can practice on you first until I get the hang of it?

Because that would be really helpful.

I'm almost used to it by now. First time I ever used one I stood under a carbon pipe full of rust and cut straight up into it. People that think I can't dance would've been surprised by the moves I busted that day.

Doesn't look good on you, though.

You just look really surprised all the time.

They're actually used for holding certain burning items so you don't singe your fingers. Or so I'm told!



Oh, and good luck with the nose thing.

Merry Christmas!

Bake

driving a carload of dumbasses twenty-five miles in one of the worst blizzards to ever hit NE Ohio at three in the morning in order to watch a telethon live from the auditorium it was being broadcast from, because watching it on tv from a nice, warm house wasn't 'good enough'.











Actually, it was kinda cool, since we were the only audience there they kept panning us with the camera when we applauded the lousy live acts they had for entertainment like madmen.

I think we were making them laugh pretty hard.

My one buddy kept mooning the phone bankers on stage from our seats in the balcony.

The cops that were there doing security and other cops that came in hiding out from the howling storm outside didn't even care.

I think half of them were drinking anyway, they were laughing every time he did it.


Ah, the good old days....