 95 replies |
Author | Time | Post |
 9-1-1. What is your emergency? (Original post) |
ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | OP |
| pokerfan | Dec 2012 | #1 | |
| geardaddy | Dec 2012 | #2 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #6 | |
| geardaddy | Dec 2012 | #16 | |
| TrogL | Dec 2012 | #3 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #7 | |
| bluesbassman | Dec 2012 | #12 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #14 | |
| BlancheSplanchnik | Dec 2012 | #60 | |
| Incitatus | Dec 2012 | #4 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #8 | |
| LeftofObama | Dec 2012 | #5 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #10 | |
| trof | Dec 2012 | #9 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #11 | |
| trof | Dec 2012 | #13 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #15 | |
| Aristus | Dec 2012 | #17 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #18 | |
| Liberal Veteran | Dec 2012 | #23 | |
| antiquie | Dec 2012 | #19 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #20 | |
| whistler162 | Dec 2012 | #21 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #26 | |
| Major Nikon | Dec 2012 | #41 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #64 | |
| Major Nikon | Dec 2012 | #66 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #86 | |
| Liberal Veteran | Dec 2012 | #22 | |
| Brigid | Dec 2012 | #24 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #27 | |
| In_The_Wind | Dec 2012 | #25 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #28 | |
| Grantuspeace | Dec 2012 | #33 | |
| In_The_Wind | Dec 2012 | #34 | |
| many a good man | Dec 2012 | #29 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #30 | |
| Brigid | Dec 2012 | #81 | |
| RedCloud | Dec 2012 | #31 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #32 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #35 | |
| Frosty1 | Dec 2012 | #38 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #61 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #45 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #36 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #46 | |
| rrneck | Dec 2012 | #37 | |
| kurtzapril4 | Dec 2012 | #39 | |
| rrneck | Dec 2012 | #40 | |
| kurtzapril4 | Dec 2012 | #59 | |
| shadowrider | Dec 2012 | #90 | |
| rrneck | Dec 2012 | #91 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #48 | |
| rrneck | Dec 2012 | #50 | |
| Ptah | Dec 2012 | #42 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #49 | |
| LiberalEsto | Dec 2012 | #43 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #51 | |
| Joey Liberal | Dec 2012 | #44 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #52 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #47 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #53 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #54 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #56 | |
| Bucky | Dec 2012 | #55 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #67 | |
| littlemissmartypants | Dec 2012 | #57 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #68 | |
| NYC_SKP | Dec 2012 | #58 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #62 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #69 | |
| NYC_SKP | Dec 2012 | #76 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #79 | |
| NYC_SKP | Dec 2012 | #80 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #82 | |
| NYC_SKP | Dec 2012 | #83 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #87 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #70 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #63 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #74 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #85 | |
| krispos42 | Dec 2012 | #65 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #71 | |
| krispos42 | Dec 2012 | #92 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #93 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #88 | |
| MiddleFingerMom | Dec 2012 | #72 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #73 | |
| MiddleFingerMom | Dec 2012 | #75 | |
| siligut | Dec 2012 | #77 | |
| Lady Freedom Returns | Dec 2012 | #78 | |
| Kennah | Dec 2012 | #84 | |
| ohiosmith | Dec 2012 | #89 | |
| pinboy3niner | Dec 2012 | #94 | |
| Initech | Dec 2012 | #95 |
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:17 PM
1. Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:23 PM
geardaddy (14,313 posts)
2. I can't this rubber ball suit off.
Response to geardaddy (Reply #2)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:52 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
6. Well,.......have a Goodyear!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:30 PM
TrogL (31,274 posts)
3. mrr-mrr-mgg-nnn-nnnnnn-mmrrr-nnrrr-mmmmrrrrr!!!
Response to TrogL (Reply #3)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:59 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
7. Please call back and press 3 for gibberish!
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Response to ohiosmith (Reply #7)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 06:20 PM
12. Is that for generic or authentic frontier gibberish?
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Response to bluesbassman (Reply #12)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 07:24 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
14. Generic press 3, western,.....hang up!.... wait ten minutes and don't call back.
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:48 PM
4. I'm out of whiskey and I'm too drunk to drive.
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Response to Incitatus (Reply #4)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 06:00 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
8. Have some vodka!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 05:52 PM
LeftofObama (2,442 posts)
5. Just get here quick!
Response to LeftofObama (Reply #5)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 06:06 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
10. Go up on the roof! A helicopter is on the way. Disrobe completely!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 06:03 PM
trof (43,669 posts)
9. I've fallen and I can't get up.
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Wait...OK, I got up.
Oh hell...I fell down again. Maybe I should quit getting up? jeez Now what? Just stay down? |
Response to trof (Reply #9)
Thu Dec 20, 2012, 06:09 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
11. You sound like the guy on my block that called me a selfish bitch and said I should fuck off!
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 12:34 PM
Aristus (29,378 posts)
17. "Yeah, I'm at Burger King, and they're refusing to make it 'my way'. Can you help?"
Response to Aristus (Reply #17)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 01:24 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
18. Shown them your gun. That'll convince them.
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Response to Aristus (Reply #17)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 08:19 PM
23. Yeah, if you try ordering a whopper made from Kobe beef, they get all upset.
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 06:08 PM
antiquie (857 posts)
19. I read this in GD and I'm more confused.
Response to antiquie (Reply #19)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 08:00 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
20. Have a drink! It will all make sense!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 08:03 PM
whistler162 (5,625 posts)
21. I've gotta fever of a 105!
Response to whistler162 (Reply #21)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 09:26 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
26. Well aren't you special!
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Response to whistler162 (Reply #21)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 01:10 PM
Major Nikon (9,708 posts)
41. measured orally or rectally?
Response to Major Nikon (Reply #41)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:44 AM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
64. You really should do both, but be careful about the order.
Response to Kennah (Reply #64)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 04:31 AM
Major Nikon (9,708 posts)
66. I've heard the only difference between the two thermometers is the taste
Response to Major Nikon (Reply #66)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 11:51 PM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
86. And feel. You just never forget what saliva feels like up your asshole.
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 08:17 PM
22. I want to eat some fish sticks, but ran out of tartar sauce.
Response to Liberal Veteran (Reply #22)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 09:28 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
27. Order a pizza!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 08:37 PM
In_The_Wind (42,900 posts)
25. My tarp blew away.
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My trike is uncovered!
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Response to In_The_Wind (Reply #25)
Fri Dec 21, 2012, 09:28 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
28. Not to worry! Someone stole it!
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Response to In_The_Wind (Reply #25)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 12:47 AM
33. I needed your blue tarp for a shower curtain.
Response to Grantuspeace (Reply #33)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 12:50 AM
In_The_Wind (42,900 posts)
34. How will I keep the electronics dry?
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Response to many a good man (Reply #29)
Sat Dec 22, 2012, 10:44 AM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
30. You may have to put its memory behind you! Perhaps a lap dog next time!
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BTW,...that's one of the funniest pics I have ever seen! |
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 03:10 AM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
35. I scratched my nuts, but now they're itchy again.
Response to Frosty1 (Reply #38)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:37 AM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
61. Tried that but the fuse created a burning sensation.
Response to Kennah (Reply #35)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 05:04 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
45. Please hold while I transfer you to the CDC!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 03:49 AM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
36. Heeeeey, wait a minute...
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Last edited Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:14 AM USA/ET - Edit history (1) |
Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #36)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 05:26 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
46. Is no Peggy,....he,....she take it break! Click!
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 11:57 AM
rrneck (13,768 posts)
37. I can't find my ass.
Response to rrneck (Reply #37)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 12:38 PM
kurtzapril4 (1,259 posts)
39. I found an ass!
Response to rrneck (Reply #40)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 12:34 AM
kurtzapril4 (1,259 posts)
59. No problem. We'll take good care of it
Response to rrneck (Reply #40)
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 10:41 AM
shadowrider (4,583 posts)
90. Just don't confuse it with a hole in the ground n/t
Response to shadowrider (Reply #90)
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 12:29 PM
rrneck (13,768 posts)
91. I think I've got that one.
Response to rrneck (Reply #37)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 06:22 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
48. If you're a female,....he's at the pub drinking beer and watching football. If you're a male,......
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I have no idea where your brother in law is!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 01:14 PM
Ptah (25,031 posts)
42. Somebody on the internet is WRONG!
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Response to Ptah (Reply #42)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 06:24 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
49. Don't believe it! I'm sure someone thinks you're right!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:59 PM
LiberalEsto (16,769 posts)
43. I boo-booed my middle finger and now it's stuck nt
Response to LiberalEsto (Reply #43)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 06:26 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
51. Put the thumb on your other hand in your mouth and blow as hard as you can.
Response to Joey Liberal (Reply #44)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 06:27 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
52. Please hold while I connect you to the CDC!
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 05:30 PM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
47. What are you wearing?
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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #47)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 06:28 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
53. For that information,......you will need a valid credit card.
Response to ohiosmith (Reply #53)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 06:43 PM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
54. Oh, shit. Just my luck...I got "Peggy" again. :(
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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #54)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 08:14 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
56. Is no Peggy,.....is,.....Betty,......please to give valid credit card number.
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 08:06 PM
Bucky (41,528 posts)
55. Need directions to family planning advice clinic
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The last one turned out to be workable
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Response to Bucky (Reply #55)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:30 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
67. That ingress is still viable although,......you do risk fathering a republican!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 08:19 PM
littlemissmartypants (3,006 posts)
57. I have heart burn and I am lonely.
Response to littlemissmartypants (Reply #57)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:39 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
68. Please provide a valid credit card and we'll send Anthony over with some Tums.
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 08:31 PM
NYC_SKP (48,844 posts)
58. Bowling pin lodged in an unusual place.
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Please hurry!
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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #58)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:39 AM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
62. Where are your balls?
Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #58)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:40 PM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
69. Lodge bowling pin elsewhere
Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #69)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 04:12 PM
NYC_SKP (48,844 posts)
76. Happy birthday!
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Inside joke with my doctor who seems to like to schedule my annual probe near my birthday!
Happy holiday season, pinboy3niner! |
Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #76)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 05:25 PM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
79. Happy Holidays, NYC_SKP!
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I won't say 'Happy Birthday' because that probably makes you jumpy.
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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #79)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 06:13 PM
NYC_SKP (48,844 posts)
80. First I burp...
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...and then I smile!
I'm like a frakkin baby boy!
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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #76)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 11:45 PM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
82. I know you typed annual probe, but my mind recorded anal probe.
Response to Kennah (Reply #82)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 11:46 PM
NYC_SKP (48,844 posts)
83. Well, annual anal prostate probe, to be accurate!
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Happy Birthday, he once said!
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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #83)
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 01:25 AM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
87. Legend has it we all get smacked on the ass when we're born ...
Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #58)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:40 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
70. See post 51!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:43 AM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
63. My kilt isn't back from the cleaners
Response to Kennah (Reply #63)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:59 PM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
74. Something else the rest of us can be thankful for.
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Response to ohiosmith (Reply #74)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 11:48 PM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
85. Except for my released Cracken
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 02:28 AM
krispos42 (45,150 posts)
65. I unleashed the Krakken
Oh god, oh god, oh god, why won't the floor stay down there under my feet, where it belongs? |
Response to krispos42 (Reply #65)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:41 PM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
71. Releash the Kraaken!
Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #71)
Wed Dec 26, 2012, 12:46 AM
krispos42 (45,150 posts)
92. The Kraken cannot be re-leashed
Response to krispos42 (Reply #92)
Wed Dec 26, 2012, 01:13 AM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
93. Next time try something decent, like Jameson
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There's nothing better than a good Irish whiskey. Just ask Will.
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Response to krispos42 (Reply #65)
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:50 AM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
88. You're on your own bub!
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:45 PM
MiddleFingerMom (22,228 posts)
72. Long ago, I was pulling a solo overnight Dispensary shift on our 2200-man post on April 1st...
Response to MiddleFingerMom (Reply #72)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 01:53 PM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
73. Sounds familiar...
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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #73)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 02:24 PM
MiddleFingerMom (22,228 posts)
75. I think almost every man has done that once...
Response to MiddleFingerMom (Reply #75)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 04:37 PM
siligut (11,124 posts)
77. Cutting the zipper below the area zipped is the most comfortable way to go
Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 05:00 PM
78. I think a bunch of dogs have hacked my DU account!
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Last edited Mon Dec 24, 2012, 05:01 PM USA/ET - Edit history (2) |
Response to Lady Freedom Returns (Reply #78)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 11:47 PM
Kennah (6,739 posts)
84. Woof!
Response to Lady Freedom Returns (Reply #78)
Tue Dec 25, 2012, 09:54 AM
ohiosmith (23,958 posts)
89. Please hold while I transfer you to animal control.
Response to ohiosmith (Reply #89)
Wed Dec 26, 2012, 01:19 AM
pinboy3niner (27,548 posts)
94. "Hello? You've reached Animal Control. This is Puggy."
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Response to ohiosmith (Original post)
Wed Dec 26, 2012, 01:37 AM
95. I'm out of beer, can you make a beer run for me?
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