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Thu Aug 2, 2012, 12:27 PM

Some Australian wine reviews.

courtesy of Monty Python:

WINE EXPERT (Eric Idle):

A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

Black Stump Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines.

Château Blue, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 Coq du Rod Laver, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: eight bottles of this and you're really finished. At the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is 'beware'. This is not a wine for drinking, this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old-and-Yellow, which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of Château Chunder, which is an appellation contrôlée, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation; a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy, and a prize winning Cuivre Reserve Château Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.

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Response to hifiguy (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 12:36 PM

1. How could they miss, with appetizing names like 'Melbourne Old-and-Yellow'?

The name alone makes me think, "I can't WAIT to drink THAT!"

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Response to hifiguy (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 01:40 PM

2. OMG I completely forgot about this! Have to show my son, who's in the industry.

Wine, that is. "Chateau Chunder"!

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Response to hifiguy (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 01:57 PM

3. They grow some funky-ass grapes. All of them I've tried gave me the shits. Especially the kangaroo.

 



I don't even WANT to know what kind of grapes they grow.

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Response to hifiguy (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 02:47 PM

4. I prefer THIS one....

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Response to arbusto_baboso (Reply #4)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 02:58 PM

5. Oh, man,

" Known as "liquid crack," for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely "citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color," but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Everyone who drinks this feels great at first, and claims, "It's not bad at all, I like it." But, you really do not want to mess around with this one, because they all sing a different tune a few minutes later. And by tune, I mean the psychotic ramblings of a raging naked bum.

* * *
Our research shows that Cisco is actually the second best tasting of the five great bum wines, especially if you're having one of those hankerings for cheap Vodka, Jello and Robitussin. We must also note that Cisco is the best of all 5 bum wines at putting the darkest and puffiest bags under your eyes. The nuclear-tinted color of "Cisco RED" is reminiscent of diesel fuel. Most Cisco flavors are named by the fruit flavor that they are trying to emulate, but the one picture is simply called "RED." This chemical disaster will get your head spinning in no time. A test subject reports, "Strawberry Cisco has a bouquet similar to that of Frankenberry cereal fermented in wine cooler with added sprinkle of brandy for presentation." The sticky, sickingly sweet taste with a hint of antifreeze really comes through in the repellant taste of Cisco. Avaliable in various flavors, 375 mL and 750mL sizes. Down a whole 750 mL and you had better be ready to clear your calendar as you suffer through Cisco's legendary 2 day hangover." (emphasis added)



That is a site well worth checking out.

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Response to hifiguy (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2012, 11:51 PM

6. More for me!

I love Australian wines! When we went to Australia, we came home with nine bottles packed into our suitcases! If people don't like them, fuck 'em. That leaves more for me!

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Response to AnnieBW (Reply #6)

Fri Aug 3, 2012, 12:15 AM

7. There's a lot of good Australian wine. It's been a long time since Python!

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Response to nolabear (Reply #7)

Fri Aug 3, 2012, 12:47 AM

9. +1. That sketch is 40 years old.

Still funny, though.

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Response to AnnieBW (Reply #6)

Fri Aug 3, 2012, 12:23 AM

8. Australia does have some very good wines--even if they may be less adept at naming them

The only time I brought wine home from abroad was decades ago, when I returned home with a couple of cases of reds and whites from the monastery at Orvieto, in Italy.

I discovered that, if you want good wine, you can't go wrong with the monks.

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