A modest proposal to improve Olympic Volleyball

Six-person indoor volleyball seems to have more "strategery" than the beach version. But the beach version has bikinis and it's outdoors in the fun and sun. So if more players = more fun, I propose that picnic volleyball be added to the 2016 Games. It will combine the best attributes of both games as well as introduce some other unique qualities to make it more familiar to the average spectator.

The playing surface will be uneven grass, dirt in spots. Gopher holes and dog turds will be scattered about to serve as hazards. Speaking of dogs, they will be released onto the court at random times. Ten players minimum per side, there is no maximum.

The net must have at least three feet of droop in the middle and players will be required to hold a beer in one hand at all times. Players must chug a beer during every side change and two beers between every set. Seven touches per side will be allowed and since this is a more relaxed game, none of the usual anal-retentive rules about what constitutes a legal touch will be enforced.

I would watch.