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Wed Aug 1, 2012, 12:03 AM

I talked to my mom in my dream last night.

Now I feel sad, missing her.

She died 3 years ago, putting a period on a long phase of my life.

I packed up and moved to Japan and haven't been back since. Sometimes it feels like two different lives, before and after.

Anyway, in the dream, we just talked. I asked her her opinion on some trivial thing, just like old times, no big deal.

But suddenly, as I sit here working on my computer, I feel blown away with sadness and feelings of missing her.

Why do I need to announce it? What about being human makes you want to share your grief with strangers?

I miss you, mom.

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Arrow 13 replies Author Time Post
Reply I talked to my mom in my dream last night. (Original post)
Bonobo Aug 2012 OP
murielm99 Aug 2012 #1
madinmaryland Aug 2012 #2
siligut Aug 2012 #3
fizzgig Aug 2012 #4
elleng Aug 2012 #5
RFKHumphreyObama Aug 2012 #6
Bonobo Aug 2012 #8
ashling Aug 2012 #7
raccoon Aug 2012 #9
KurtNYC Aug 2012 #10
Bonobo Aug 2012 #11
pipi_k Aug 2012 #12
hedgehog Aug 2012 #13

Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 12:36 AM

1. You share, because for a few minutes

it makes the grief a little more bearable? Someone might comfort you? It is easier than burdening a friend or family member, for whom it may be old news?

I am sorry. I hope the dream made your loss a little more bearable, if only for awhile.

Hugs.

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 12:38 AM

2. My Mom died two years ago on Monday.



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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 01:00 AM

3. It helps to share, it allows you to expand on and examine both the grief and the dream

Your post made me think of this song:



Think of Laura but laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way
When you think of Laura laugh don't cry
I know she'd want it that way

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 01:10 AM

4. grief is a heavy burden to bear alone

and your dream, perhaps, a reminder of your loss. but it's also a reminder of the time you had together. i'm sorry you're hurting right now.

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 02:19 AM

5. Dad passed on in April,

he's always with me, like now, listening to Mendelsohn Violin Concerto, one of his/our favorites. Daughter and I share our dreams of him, just did so today after I shared that part of his bequest will be for her (and other grands.) Will help her buy a house. Sharing confirms that we're social animals.

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 06:46 AM

6. I can relate to all of your post

I lost my mother 5 years ago

Not a day goes by where she's not on my mind and sometimes not even an hour goes by when I don't think of her. If I think of her at night before I go to sleep, it often depresses me to the point where I have to wake up

And I dream of her regularly. We talk, we interact, although sometimes the dreams are confusing

I can feel and relate to every your pain very, very deeply. And, yes, the grief has comes back sometimes when you least expect it and can hit you at the strangest times. And sometimes you feel the need to share it, whether it be with strangers or friends

Again, I really, really feel for you, knowing where you come from. And if sharing your feelings with us is helpful to you, then you should share all you want

My thoughts, prayers and condolences are with you

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Response to RFKHumphreyObama (Reply #6)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 07:46 AM

8. Thank you.

It makes me feel better to have some people listen and respond as you have

Thanks to everyone on this thread.

May we all be at peace with the loss of our loved ones.

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 07:27 AM

7. Been thinking about and talking to my mom a lot lately

She died of cancer in 1973.

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Response to ashling (Reply #7)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 08:13 AM

9. Elucidate, my dear Watson.


"talking to my mom a lot lately"

My mom died 9 years ago.


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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 08:18 AM

10. My mother is in my dreams a lot and it doesn't even seem unusual

until I wake up.

Grieving has a strong biological component. We think of grief as almost purely emotional but the less controllable and understandable part of grieving is biological. Grieving is as uncontrollable as puberty. There are many stories about horses and dogs who stop eating after their companion dies. I have seen friends and relatives physically deteriorate or fall back into addictions as part of grieving. I also think hoarding is mostly related to grief -- the hoarder has an overwhelming sense of loss and starts to accumulate things or companion animals. Removal of the hoarder's collection triggers panic attacks as the emotional scars become a physiological response.

I have found some of the best ways to grieve in a healthy way is to do something physical. It fits with the "move a muscle change your mood" concept. Walk your dog, meditate, swim. Crying is physical too -- I don't avoid it when I really feel like crying I cry.

Thanks for sharing your story. I have had a lot of experience with grief in the last 6 years and I think too many people keep it bottled up which can lead to ill health. We should probably be more open and supportive as a community and let the grieving grieve instead of constantly insisting that people "cheer up."

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Response to KurtNYC (Reply #10)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 08:41 AM

11. That was a good response and I think you're on the mark

about hoarding and other ways we compensate or react to the feelings of grief.

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 11:58 AM

12. First...

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom.

Second, it's good that you can talk about your grief with others.

I can't. I keep mine locked up inside, which is probably not good in the long run.

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Response to Bonobo (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2012, 12:19 PM

13. I really believe that sometimes, in our sleep,

a curtain thins and we do talk with those on the other side. I've had dreams of those who have passed, and I've had a discussion.

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