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Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:42 PM

So, when I got married, my wife didn't change her name and my mom was pissed

My mom said that my wife's desire to keep her family name indicated a lack of commitment on her part.

Well, folks, as of today, it's been 19 years since the wedding and we're still married.

You think I should rub my mom's nose in it, or wait till we make it an even 20?

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Reply So, when I got married, my wife didn't change her name and my mom was pissed (Original post)
LuckyTheDog Jun 2012 OP
Sentath Jun 2012 #1
Phentex Jun 2012 #3
MADem Jun 2012 #31
Phentex Jun 2012 #2
OriginalGeek Jun 2012 #4
Major Nikon Jun 2012 #5
pipi_k Jun 2012 #6
Liberal Veteran Jun 2012 #8
Liberal Veteran Jun 2012 #7
csziggy Jun 2012 #9
benld74 Jun 2012 #10
riderinthestorm Jun 2012 #11
LuckyLib Jun 2012 #21
TuxedoKat Jun 2012 #22
Wait Wut Jun 2012 #12
Pool Hall Ace Jun 2012 #13
angstlessk Jun 2012 #14
kcass1954 Jun 2012 #16
HeiressofBickworth Jun 2012 #37
Tikki Jun 2012 #15
femmocrat Jun 2012 #17
angstlessk Jun 2012 #18
seaglass Jun 2012 #29
riderinthestorm Jun 2012 #35
graywarrior Jun 2012 #19
Lucy Goosey Jun 2012 #20
OrwellwasRight Jun 2012 #23
MADem Jun 2012 #32
OrwellwasRight Jun 2012 #36
MrScorpio Jun 2012 #24
merrily Jun 2012 #25
aint_no_life_nowhere Jun 2012 #26
cbrer Jun 2012 #27
SwissTony Jun 2012 #28
TBF Jun 2012 #30
LibertyLover Jun 2012 #33
Patiod Jun 2012 #34
Manifestor_of_Light Jun 2012 #38

Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:47 PM

1. Wait for the 20

That way you have a year to plan how to do it with flair and class ( ;

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Response to Sentath (Reply #1)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:50 PM

3. LOL

I like that.

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Response to Sentath (Reply #1)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 10:13 AM

31. Like, say, tell Mom he is changing his name to a hyphenated his-hers one?

If the goal is gasket-blowing, that might do!

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:50 PM

2. I'd cut her some slack...

it may not have mattered anyway. Maybe she's the kind who felt no woman would ever be good enough for you, lol.

Funny how my mom was always suspicious of the motive of the current boyfriend until the next one came along. Then the former one became a saint.

When my husband came along, she was against it from the start (for no reason). She asked if I were pregnant. (No.)

In my wedding pictures, she looks like someone just died.

Twenty years later, she thinks he's THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!



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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:51 PM

4. My aunt didn't take my uncle's last name when they got married

and there was no question about their commitment. They were going on 20something years when he died 2 years ago and she's still a big part of our lives. The name thing never bothered any of us. My grandma (my uncle's mother) never had a problem with it and she was old when she passed away. My aunt still checks in on my grandpa every day.


I'd say 19 years gets you a few good-natured digs (lol, though I reckon it depends on your relationship with mom).


People are toooooo tied up in what they think oughtta be.


Oh and Happy Anniversary!



ps - coming from the other side and completely selfish of me but I anticipate suggesting the same thing to my daughter. lol

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Response to OriginalGeek (Reply #4)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:55 PM

5. I have an uncle that didn't even marry my (aunt)

They have been together over 30 years and still haven't gotten married.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 12:56 PM

6. First...

Happy Anniversary


Second...a little something about my son's wife, who was all too happy to take his name when they married.

Her maiden name is about 13 letters long and contains maybe 3 vowels.

She got so tired of telling people how to spell and pronounce it.

Now she's thrilled to have a last name that people can spell and pronounce



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Response to pipi_k (Reply #6)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 01:59 PM

8. I think the only time I felt bad for someone's last name was in boot camp.

They made you stencil your name on EVERYTHING with these horrible pens that hardly worked.

Having a 3 character last name, I had it so much easier than Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 01:55 PM

7. I drop it into the conversation casually.

Them: I'm so glad you could come visit us.

Me: Well, in the 22 years that we've been together, it has been difficult making the trip across country. It's not like 23 years ago before we moved in together when we could just pick up and go on a whim. We are hoping to do more traveling on our 23rd anniversary. Did you know we've barely seen the cousins since we moved away two decades ago?

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 02:24 PM

9. I didn't change my name and it will be 35 years in mid-July

My MIL doesn't care about the name thing, but she still hasn't forgiven me for not having a big wedding (we got "married" by having a notary public sign the license - no ceremony, no religion involved). She told me it showed a lack of commitment. She hasn't mentioned as much in the last 20 years.

My Dad still puts what would have been my married name on some legal documents, just to make sure he covers all the bases, but I refuse to sign that name since it is not mine.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 02:32 PM

10. My wife took her last name as her middle name,,, she told me JUST in case,,,,,

we've just done 25 years,,,

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 04:04 PM

11. I didn't change my name. My grandma was horrified, didn't think I was "really" married

if I didn't change my name. Kept insisting is was part of the legalities and how I was going to be living in sin if I didn't change it. To her dying day she addressed every letter, card, gift, note and phone call to me using my husband's last name.

26 years married, 28 years together....

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Response to riderinthestorm (Reply #11)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 10:49 PM

21. Same with me only it's my mother. Still addresses

stuff to me using my husband's last name. There is no such person with that name. Period. Sometimes they just can't let go.

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Response to riderinthestorm (Reply #11)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 11:28 PM

22. My family does the same with me

even though I never changed my name either, and married many years.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 05:03 PM

12. If you really want to piss her off...

...change your last name to your wife's. It worked for a friend of mine. They never heard from his mother again.

My DIL didn't change her last name. But, she has this really beautiful Japanese name that sounds like poetry. My last name sounds like you're yelling at someone while trying to hack up a hairball.

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Response to Wait Wut (Reply #12)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 06:27 PM

13. LOLing at your description

of the sound of your last name!

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 06:39 PM

14. Reasons NOT to change your name when married

When your social security card, birth certificate and legitimate drivers license from another state is not enough...one needs to present a marriage certificate ALSO because the name on the birth certificate is different than that on other documents!...GRR!..17 MORE DOLLARS AND A WAIT OF UP TO 6 MONTHS!...Married 25 years ago, and separated 20 years ago...GRR, did I forget to say GRR?

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #14)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 06:51 PM

16. A close friend is going through that now. She has the divorce papers, but not the

marriage certificate. She's waiting for Ohio to get it to her so she can renew her already expired driver's license. All this for a marriage that ended thirty-something years ago.

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Response to angstlessk (Reply #14)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 10:51 PM

37. When I was divorced in 1990

I requested a name change back to my birth name. After an initial round of changing my name on everything, I now have no problems at all. All documents match.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 06:43 PM

15. Naw...she knows by now that many woman keep their name and why...

Well, my mother wouldn't come to my wedding because I was only 18...
But all of my husband's family was there... I couldn't wait to change my name.


and this Summer we will celebrate our 45th anniversary.

Tikki

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 07:33 PM

17. My son and DIL never even told us that she was keeping her maiden name.

I found out a couple of years after the wedding. Now they are having a baby and we don't know what the baby's name(s) will be.

Does it matter? Not really, but it would be nice to be "in the loop"! What's with all the secrets?

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Response to femmocrat (Reply #17)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 07:44 PM

18. re-read the OP...that is the reason for the secrets...

some folks would rather beg forgiveness than ask permission...

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Response to femmocrat (Reply #17)


Response to seaglass (Reply #29)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 02:34 PM

35. My kids think its funnier when they call HIM Mr. Riderinthestorm (using my last name)... nt

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 08:16 PM

19. Got married in 2000 after living together for 25 years

Kept my name. Still together.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 08:45 PM

20. My sister didn't take her husband's last name, which wasn't a big deal...

...but everyone was shocked (SHOCKED!) that their daughter got her last name instead of his. They had a lot of people kind of demand to know why their daughter wouldn't get her dad's last name - I was really surprised by how upset some people, even casual acquaintances, were.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Tue Jun 19, 2012, 11:32 PM

23. Why should a woman be required to change her identity when she gets married?

A man isn't expected to. The tradition is dumb. Yes, rub your mom's nose in it.

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Response to OrwellwasRight (Reply #23)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 10:23 AM

32. It's very odd--only in America! (And Britain...and Canada...and a few other odd places).

In many cultures, you have your father's name and your mother's name when you are born.

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Response to MADem (Reply #32)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 07:14 PM

36. That makes more sense to me.

The US system is weird. How do you go from being Jane Grey for the first 20, 30, 40 whatever years of your life and all of a sudden, you're Jane Brown. It's weird. And men act like it is nothing. You're just supposed to do it if you love them. BS.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 02:30 AM

24. Does your mom and your wife get along together pretty well?

If they do, forget about the nose rubbing.

If they don't, go for it.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 03:18 AM

25. It's been 19 years and she's your mom. Let it go already!

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 03:23 AM

26. It's the norm in mainland China

Married women keep their maiden name but the children take the husband's last name. It isn't seen as a sign of independence or disrespect. It's the ancient tradition. I've also seen couples adopt the western tradition when they immigrate to the west.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 04:34 AM

27. Moms get pissed

 

Women and cats do as they please. Men and dogs need to relax and get used to the idea.

Robert Anson Heinlein

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 05:55 AM

28. I was actually surprised when my daughter took her husband's name.

Hadn't expected that.

Her choice, of course. And I back her 100%.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 08:09 AM

30. I think you should treat your mom nicely

and remember that parents make mistakes too. No need to rub anyone's "nose in it".

She knows very well that you're still married.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 11:55 AM

33. When I married my husband almost 14 years ago

I decided not to take his name because everyone at the office knew me as My Last Name and to change would have been difficult. He was fine with my decision. My mom was thrilled because she hated him and figured it would be easier for me when she finally got me to leave him. Most of my relatives have no particular problem, although one of my aunts always addresses the holiday card to "Mr & Mrs His Last Name". Once time our postman put a question mark on it as if to ask if I were really Mrs. His Last Name. The one time it was an issue was a few years ago during one of my husband's hospital trips. He was having surgery on a torn rotator cuff on an out-patient basis (isn't most surgery like that these days) and I was in the waiting room. His surgeon came in and the receptionist paged "Mrs. His Last Name". I heard the page, but it didn't click that they wanted me. I was close enough to the receptionist to hear her say to the doctor that she knew I was in the room. That's when it hit me that it was me they were looking for, so I walked up and said that I was Mr. His Last Name's wife. The doctor and the receptionist both looked at me like I was a total idiot. So I mentioned that I didn't have the same last name. The receptionist, an older lady, looked scandalized at the very thought of a woman not taking her husband's name. Sorry, I don't make decisions based on your petty concerns.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Wed Jun 20, 2012, 01:02 PM

34. My grandmom didn't come to my parents' wedding. After 50 years...

My mom called my grandmother (who lived to be 100) and said "Charlie and I have been married 50 years. Pretty good for a marriage you didn't think would last, huh?"

You know what my grandmother said?

"His sister Margreta was married 55 years, and now she are getting a divorce, so you never know."

I kid you not.

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Response to LuckyTheDog (Original post)

Thu Jun 21, 2012, 06:04 PM

38. I was denied a marriage certificate because I didn't change my name.

Many years ago my first husband and I went down to the court house to register a declaration of common-law marriage in Texas. The old grumpy county clerk tore up three forms with carbons because I refused to change my name.

I asked him, "Can you tell me where in the Texas Family Code it says I have to change my name?" He would not answer me because there is no requirement about names.

I went to a lawyer to see what my options were and he said the clerk committed a misdemeanor by not carrying out the official duties of his office. We got a marriage license and went to the JP.

His parents thought i was a horrible person because I didn't change my name. When we were living together they called us up and said, "Oh if you live together for six months you are gonna wake up one day and be married." I asked them, "Can you show me where it says that in the Texas Family Code?" They were not lawyers and thought they knew everything. My dad was a lawyer and later I went to law school too. Dad had told me the requirements of a common law marriage in Texas many times. It has nothing to do with time.

And with the guy I've been with for 18 years, I have not changed my name because his first wife's first name and my first name are the same. So there was another Mrs. Firstname Myguy out there.
She passed away recently. I don't know if it's safe to change my name or not. Both our last names are fairly easy to spell.

Some people don't understand when your maiden name IS your identity and you don't want to change it.

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