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Fri Apr 27, 2012, 09:38 AM

Ole (pronounced "o-lee") joke from my brother

A Wisconsin farmer named Ole had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thus:

'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"
Ole responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust
loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Ole said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road.... '

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole’s answer and said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.

Ole said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.

By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat,, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock vud you say?'

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Reply Ole (pronounced "o-lee") joke from my brother (Original post)
geardaddy Apr 2012 OP
hifiguy Apr 2012 #1
geardaddy Apr 2012 #2
zbdent Apr 2012 #3
geardaddy Apr 2012 #4
SwissTony Apr 2012 #5
geardaddy Apr 2012 #6
ohiosmith Apr 2012 #7
geardaddy Apr 2012 #8

Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Fri Apr 27, 2012, 09:43 AM

1. Ah, the Ole (and Lena) jokes.

A staple of Minnesoda humor.

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Response to hifiguy (Reply #1)

Fri Apr 27, 2012, 09:49 AM

2. Yep, I was hoping a Minnesotan would comment.

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Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Fri Apr 27, 2012, 09:58 AM

3. reminds me of another chestnut ...

A city slicker was driving on a "rural" highway, when suddenly, a farmer pulls out in front of him in his truck.

This happens too quickly for the slicker to stop in time, and a crash ensues, but only with minor damage.

As the farmer and the slicker get out to assess the damage, the farmer says "Boy, you probably feel pretty bad right now."

The slicker says, "Yeah, I'm shaken up a bit."

The farmer says, "I have something here which could steady your nerves." He pulls out a bottle filled with moonshine, and hands it to the slicker.

The slicker takes a swig, and says "Yeah, that did help."

He goes to hand it back to the farmer, but the farmer passes. The slicker says "Don't you want some?"

The farmer says "Yeah, but I'll wait until the sheriff I called arrives."

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Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Fri Apr 27, 2012, 12:07 PM

5. One more

A lawyer is out hunting and shoots a duck. The duck falls into a field. The lawyer climbs over the fence to retrieve the duck. As he's about to pick up the duck, the farmer drives up.

"You're trespassing on my land".

"No, under the current laws, I'm allowed to retrieve this duck".

"You're trespassing on my land".

"No. I'm a lawyer and I can take you to court to establish my right to this duck".

"Yeah, you probably could. But by the time the case gets to court, that duck will be dust."

"Yes, that's true".

"You're not a local, are you?"

"No, I'm not".

"OK, let me make a suggestion. 'Round here, we have a way of settling disputes. Each of us takes turns in kicking the bejesus out of the other for 30 secs. We keep swapping till one of us gives up. If you win, you get the duck. If I win, you get off my property. And I get to go first since this is my property".


So the farmer lays into the lawyer, kicking him everywhere. After 30 seconds he stops. The lawyer is on the ground, but finally struggles to his feet. He staggers towards the farmer.

"Now it's my turn".

"Nah.......you can keep the duck".

(Originally posted on DU2).

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