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Tue Jan 10, 2012, 12:58 PM

Is marriage passe'..?

Interesting article points out and discusses the declining rate of marriage in the USA.

"Why is the US marriage rate falling sharply?
For the first time in memory, unmarried Americans will soon outnumber those who are married, according to the latest research. So is this a watershed moment?
n 1960, 72% of all American adults were married; in 2010 just 51% were, according to the Pew Research Center. The number dropped sharply by 5% in the most recent year, 2009-10".

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16274740

What do you think about marriage..is it a less important status/need than it used to be?

15 replies, 2156 views

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Arrow 15 replies Author Time Post
Reply Is marriage passe'..? (Original post)
dixiegrrrrl Jan 2012 OP
JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #1
elleng Jan 2012 #2
JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #4
elleng Jan 2012 #6
JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #11
elleng Jan 2012 #12
Lucky Luciano Jan 2012 #3
JustAnotherGen Jan 2012 #5
Alcibiades Jan 2012 #7
dixiegrrrrl Jan 2012 #10
Alcibiades Jan 2012 #15
LiberalEsto Jan 2012 #8
bemildred Jan 2012 #9
provis99 Jan 2012 #13
muriel_volestrangler Jan 2012 #14

Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:12 PM

1. Passe?

No - but it is NOT the be all and the end all.

I don't judge a 45 year old single man or 35 year old single woman as 'less than' married ones. They tend to be a far more engaging and interesting dinner party member than their married and boring counterparts.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:14 PM

2. Interesting. I'm not keen on it for personal reasons,

but 20-something daughters and their friends sure are!

Gave big wedding for 26 year old in September, many of her friends preceeded her and others are following. Could it just be 'Jersey Girls?'

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Response to elleng (Reply #2)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:18 PM

4. Naah

I'm in NJ - and getting married this April - at 39.

I think depending on where you are from. . . Are these young women college educated? Have they been able to find a career path? My 20-something counterparts at work are not even remotely interested.

Eh? We're in Telecom. You can't really be married/settled in this industry if you want to advance - so marriage is something in your mid 30's and beyond - after you've gotten to where you want to be.

And in NJ - unless mummy and daddy are footing the bill - it's very expensive to get married here. More so after NY passed it's new marriage laws . . . can you blame the venues? Demand just went up.

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #4)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:39 PM

6. Yes, college educated with career paths,

most of them, I think. WE are from DC area, daughter's friends from Jersey, met in college and through college friends/fiance, and in Philly graduate school.
No idea what friends paid/paying, but we sure paid a few in Philly.

CONGRATS! Have a good one! I married in April '84 at 38, first baby @39; she's turning 27 SHORTLY!

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Response to elleng (Reply #6)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 04:00 PM

11. Wow

That's really young! My concern with 20 somethings getting married is they are so drowning in debt - with money being a key reason for divorce . . . it's like they don't even stand a chance. *sigh*

And thanks! Not so sure we want to have children in order to stay mobile - though . . . Il Calabrese keeps bringing home this 'italian oriented' baby gear so who knows!

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #11)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 04:19 PM

12. I appreciate your thoughts,

and agree generally.
Almost 27 year old daughter has some education debt, with which her father and I will help. (I didn't want her to incur debt for studies, but her father wanted to do it that way. Why? Don't ask me.) Daughter's already been offered position for $60/hr, at place of her first internship, after degree is final, in Spring. Occupational Therapy. Her husb has a well-paying and very responsible position in social services with the State.

I am concerned about their need for $ in future, but ONLY because she likes shopping and spending. Me, I don't get it.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:17 PM

3. I think the drop from 72% to the fifties

was due to more woman in the workplace. This made the women more independent and gave them the right to be more picky with choosing the right mate.

The precipitous 5% drop in 2009-10 is probably due to the economy. I think marriages are more likely (as well as children) during times of greater economic security.

Perhaps if marriage rates bump back to the upper 50's percentages, then that would be a positive lagging economic indicator.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:32 PM

5. Here's a great little piece by Bella DePaulo

She's the author of Singled Out - and she writes about the marginalization of singletons in America.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201111/can-the-rise-singles-and-the-urge-merge-coexist

Can the Rise of the Singles the Urge to Merge Coexist?

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 01:52 PM

7. It's mainly economic

More folks are feeling the squeeze. My wife and I lived together for seven years before we married 13 years ago: I was in favor of it earlier, but she didn't come around to the idea until she said to herself that she couldn't see herself without me. She then secretly gave me a year to propose, at the end of which she would have left me. Pretty strange, but I did propose before the secret deadline.

As supporters of marriage equality know, there are certain legal rights that go along with being married, particularly if children are involved. The problem is that it is very difficult for people of moderate means in this country to get married and have kids. Even fairly well educated professionals have difficulties, particularly for women. If it takes you to thirty to get a professional degree and some further time to actually find someone to marry and then also time to establish yourself professionally, there is a very limited window for childbearing before you get to the point when infertility rates increase. (A problem which is still somewhat exagerated, BTW: even after 40, most couples who try to get pregnant do so within a year. My wife was 35 and 38 when our kids were born, and we had no problems, though my wife very much expected to. The actual effectiveness of the various forms of birth control may mislead you into thinking you're infertile.) I'm 43, and most of my friends who didn't get married won't, citing the fact that most of the women they might want to marry already are married.

Then there are some folks who do want kids who forgo marriage altogether, but still have kids. If you stay single for a long time, it may be hard to have such a major life change. This option is much easier for women.

Finally, there is the popularity of weddings. It is a sad commentary, but it would seem there are some nowadays who like a glamorous, expensive wedding much more than the actual work of making a marriage relationship function.

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Response to Alcibiades (Reply #7)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 03:45 PM

10. More seniors are approaching marriage from a fianancial point of view

according to what I have been reading.
Raising children does not enter into the equation in these cases.

Some find it financially advantageous to marry, while others find marriage would result in a potential penalty.

For instance, 2 people living together are not responsible for each other's possible catastrophic medical bills.
OTOH, some people may not be able to afford any medical coverage unless they do marry someone with good coverage.

Since the majority of bankruptcies now are because of medical debt, I consider that a huge factor in looking at relationship issues.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #10)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 11:53 PM

15. Among seniors it's a little different

I assume you're talking about remarriage after death or divorce--I don't see folks who have been married 40+ years getting divorces because of medical costs, but it's probably out there. Seniors have, for a long time, had a lower divorce rate than other groups--in part because some divorced people don't become seniors, as they have a lower life expectancy than married people. Weird, I know, but this is probably actually caused by something else that is coincidentally correlated with divorce.

What's really driving this, though, is the lower rate of marriage in the post-boomer groups. Folks are getting married later, due in part to schooling, but also, I believe, because it is harder to afford a family than it was in the past. Part of it is cultural, for sure, in that marriage is no longer something people automatically do, as they did in the past.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 02:40 PM

8. People can't afford it

This is the case for one of my daughters.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 03:04 PM

9. There will always be people that want to get married, and people who don't.

It's reallly nobody else's business.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 05:58 PM

13. marriage is mutual voluntary slavery.

 

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)

Tue Jan 10, 2012, 07:13 PM

14. Most Americans still get married eventually

From the Pew survey:



http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/12/14/barely-half-of-u-s-adults-are-married-a-record-low/?src=prc-headline

So, over three quarters of 35-39 year olds are, or have been, married. The decline in 'currently married' reflects people marrying later, and more divorce, as well as whether to marry or not.

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