Sat Feb 16, 2013, 10:38 AM
pscot (18,945 posts)
Republicans are like the man who taught his ass to talk
From William Burroughs' Naked Lunch
"Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his ass to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down farting out the words. It was unlike anything I had ever heard.
"This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.
"After a while the ass start talking on its own...
"Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in- curving hooks and start eating. He thought this was cute at first and built and act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him: 'It's you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we don't need you around here any more. I can talk and eat AND shit.'
"After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous- except for the EYES you dig. That's one thing the asshole COULDN'T do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes WENT OUT, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab's eyes on the end of a stalk.
3 replies, 1597 views
Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Republicans are like the man who taught his ass to talk (Original post)
Response to pscot (Original post)
Sun Feb 17, 2013, 07:40 AM
bemildred (81,825 posts)
1. Le Petomaine:
Reality is stranger than anything you could just think up.
Le Pétomane (pron.: /ləˈpɛtəmeɪn/, French pronunciation: was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857–1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartomaniac". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste".
It is a common misconception that Joseph Pujol actually passed intestinal gas as part of his stage performance. Rather, Pujol was able to "inhale" or move air into his rectum and then control the release of that air with his anal sphincter muscles. Evidence of his ability to control those muscles was seen in the early accounts of demonstrations of his abilities to fellow soldiers.
Response to bemildred (Reply #1)
Sun Feb 17, 2013, 11:24 AM
pscot (18,945 posts)
2. Naked Lunch sets a high bar when it comes to Strange
Burroughs may have seen or heard of Joseph Pujol, but I'd like to think he had Steve Stockman or Ted Cruz in mind when he devised his little parable.