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Tue Dec 18, 2012, 10:35 AM

Imagining Nancy Lanza - by Joan Wood



Is she a victim, or do her guns make her an accomplice? In the end, her attempts to cope with fear unraveled her

BY JOAN WALSH

In a tragedy like Sandy Hook, grief comes at us from all directions. First it was the children. First graders make us smile and feel uncomplicated joy at being alive. As parents, we can feel the stabbing pain of newly bereaved Newtown mothers and fathers, but we don’t have to be parents to feel that loss.

Then Victoria Soto’s memorial overwhelmed me. Two of my daughter’s best friends are elementary school teachers; I felt their bravery and vulnerability in a whole new way. On Monday a CNN interview with principal Dawn Hochsprung’s teary, twentysomething daughter Erica, begging her mother to “come back, just come back” undid me, making me miss my own mother and think about my daughter someday missing me. All of us have multiple identities that let pain find us in so many different ways.

The only person I haven’t been able to think about is Nancy Lanza, the first victim, shot in her bed with her own gun by her own son, the terminally ill Adam. I shrink from the story despite the fact — or because of it — that we had things in common. She was close to my age, divorced, with children in their 20s. But I’ve been blessed; my daughter is as much a joy today as she was as a first grader.

Isolated in life, Lanza seems equally so in death. An anonymous benefactor donated 26 Christmas trees to a Sandy Hook memorial, even though 27 people died.

-snip-

http://www.salon.com/2012/12/18/imagining_nancy_lanza/

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Reply Imagining Nancy Lanza - by Joan Wood (Original post)
DonViejo Dec 2012 OP
sasha031 Dec 2012 #1
peace13 Dec 2012 #2
HockeyMom Dec 2012 #3
John2 Dec 2012 #4

Response to DonViejo (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 10:41 AM

1. K/R rec

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Response to DonViejo (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 11:01 AM

2. This article is really disgusting.

How does one have a life with a severely mentally ill child? Do you invite June and Ward over and crank up the barbecue. Maybe ya take the fam to Sunday School! The mocking that her only friends were at a bar, well at least they call her a friend. There have been times when the only 'friends' I had where the young people working at the local Wendy's. Good thing I didn't die in those years or an article could have been written about my pathetic excuse for friends. Friends are where you find them! I was thankful to have my Wendy's friends!

This mother is a victim and she was in over her head. Our job is not to second guess her in death. Have some empathy people.



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Response to DonViejo (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 11:14 AM

3. I think about her all the time

but both as a mother of a grown daughter with a disability, but also as a Special Ed TA who has worked with Aspergers kids, and 1:1 with Autistic children.

If Adam has been diagnosed with Aspergers, he would have been receiving services, and the parents themselves would have gone to his IEP meetings, and counseling sessions. He seems to have been in Inclusion classes, yet if he had a disability, there would have been Progress Reports from the school Psychologist, Therapist, etc. The family would have been told by professionals what to expect. Taking him out of school sounds to me like his mother might have been in denial. I have seen parents take these kids out of the school and home school them. In nearly all these cases, the parents were wealthy and felt they could hire their own therapist, and/or do a better job themselves.

Just my opinion, only as a paraprofessional, he doesn't seem like an Aspy to me. While Aspy's were on the Autism Spectrum, what generally sets them apart, besides their high intelligence, are their verbal and social skills, which Autism is lacking. There are a few other aspects also.

Incidentally, Aspergers has just recently been removed from the Autism Spectrum. It is now in a classification by itself. Generally, the majority of the general public would never know someone is a Aspy. The can be, and are, all members of society. There are a few DU members, by their own admission, who are Aspy's.

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Response to DonViejo (Original post)

Tue Dec 18, 2012, 02:19 PM

4. The article

 

is just about a lady that had a tragic ending. They all had a tragic ending. I think she depended on her husband and found herself alone. She not only took up shooting but also gardening. They are claiming she didn't purchase the guns until 2010 and 2012, She was very generous too, which the piece left out. She just needed better influences to me. I don't see her as a bad person even though she made a mistake that would have haunted her if she was still alive. Don't know why her husband left her but she don't sound like a gold digger or something. So I see her as more of a victim, that was betrayed by different people, including her son.

I don't know what was going through his mind when if he stood there watching his mom sleeping and shot her four times. She was the one that cared about him the most, so maybe he thought that he was relieving her or something. The kid comes off as reclusive, and seems to hate being around people. The article said she also tried to get him out the house and do something with his life. This is a tragic ending all the way around. I've seen a lot of then in my years and it probably want be the last tragedy.

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