Tue Nov 27, 2012, 06:11 PM
geefloyd46 (1,939 posts)
Onion: Filthy Mitt Romney Delivers Campaign Speech To Audience Of Confused Shoppers In Ohio Safeway
CANTON, OH—According to eyewitnesses at the scene, an unkempt and thoroughly disheveled Mitt Romney gave an impassioned campaign speech Monday to a group of bewildered shoppers inside a local Safeway.
Sources confirmed the filth-covered former presidential candidate walked into the store unannounced early yesterday evening, went to the store’s cereal aisle, and started to play Kid Rock’s “Born Free” on a portable boom box, enthusiastically waving and pointing to no one in particular.
As customers began to recognize the 2012 GOP nominee through his scraggly beard and uncombed hair, Romney reportedly picked up a can of Pringles from a nearby shelf, held it near his mouth, and began loudly addressing the growing crowd of confused onlookers.
“How are we feeling out there, friends?” said Romney, who paused briefly as though waiting for applause from the baffled and completely silent supermarket shoppers. “First and foremost, thank you so much for coming out here today and for your continued support throughout the campaign. We’re making our voices heard across the country—that’s for sure!”
“Together, we’re going to bring some real change to Washington!” added Romney, who staggered slightly as he spoke but maintained his balance.
Witnesses told reporters that Romney walked around the store barefoot as he gave his speech, wearing only a pair of dirt-caked jeans and a wrinkled dress shirt covered in food stains.
Safeway patrons also said the former Massachusetts governor gave off an incredibly strong odor and appeared to have gone “days, possibly weeks” without bathing.
Original posting: http://www.theonion.com/articles/filthy-mitt-romney-delivers-campaign-speech-to-aud,30522/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default
9 replies, 2507 views
Onion: Filthy Mitt Romney Delivers Campaign Speech To Audience Of Confused Shoppers In Ohio Safeway (Original post)
Response to msongs (Reply #1)
Tue Nov 27, 2012, 06:45 PM
geefloyd46 (1,939 posts)
8. Sorry I think it is hilarious too
I live in Mass we got stuck in traffic because the Mittster decided to have fireworks to celebrate his victory in a state that he lost by about 23 points.
Response to geefloyd46 (Original post)
Tue Nov 27, 2012, 06:35 PM
ForgoTheConsequence (3,991 posts)
5. Before someone gives me some sob story.
About how we shouldn't kick someone when they're down, save your energy.
This man made millions, a literal fortune off ruining people lives.
He's a bigot and a racist (as evident by his post election comments).
This man wanted to take health care from millions of people.