It's nice to think that only evil men are rapists
It's nice to think that only evil men are rapists - that it's only pantomime villains with knives in alleyways. But the reality is different
Laurie Penny
Saturday 25 August 2012
... There's an army of commentators who also believe "that's not real rape" is both a valid defence of a specific political asylum-seeker and objective truth. Women lie, they say. Women lie about rape, about sexual assault, they do it because they're stupid or wicked or attention-seeking or deluded. The observation that the rate of fraud in rape cases remains as low as the rate of fraud in any other criminal allegation between 2 and 4 per cent has no impact. Women lie, and they do it to ruin men in positions of power ...
The next thing I remember is waking up to find myself being penetrated, and realising that my body wasn't doing what I told it to. Either I was being held down or more likely I was too sick to move. I've never been great at drinking, which is why I don't really do it any more, but this feeling was more profound, and to this day I don't know if somebody put something in my drink ...
I don't remember thinking "I have just been raped". After all, this guy wasn't behaving in the manner I had learnt to associate with rapists. Rapists are evil people. They're not nice blokes whom everybody respects who simply happen to think it's OK to stick your dick in a teenager who's sleeping in the same bed as you, without a condom. This guy seemed, if anything, confused as to why I was scrabbling for my things and bolting out the door. He even sent me an email a few days later, chiding me for being rude.
When I walked home, it didn't occur to me that I had been raped. The next day, when I told a mutual friend what had happened, the girl who had introduced me to the man in question, I didn't use that word. By that time, I was in some pain between my legs, a different sort of pain, and I was terrified that I had Aids. I had to wait two weeks for test results which showed that the man who raped me had given me a curable infection. I told my friend that I felt dirty and ashamed of myself. She said she was sorry I felt that way. Everybody else in that circle seemed to agree that by going to that hotel room and taking off my dress I had asked for whatever happened next, and so I dropped the issue. Did I go to the police? Did I hell. I thought it was my fault ...
http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/laurie-penny-its-nice-to-think-that-only-evil-men-are-rapists--that-its-only-pantomime-villains-with-knives-in-alleyways-but-the-reality-is-different-8079403.html
PopeOxycontinI
(176 posts)whether that be jumping out of the bushes rape or the more common date/acquaintance/creepy uncle
rape, then you cross a line indicating you are fucking evil. The problem is that these guys are not as obvious
in their public persona as other criminal types seem to be.
pnwmom
(108,925 posts)but thanks for posting it anyway.
She does a really good job explaining how it felt to be woman in her situation, and how she wasn't even aware at first, in her traumatized state, that she'd been raped.
raccoon
(31,091 posts)As a culture, we still refuse collectively to accept that most rapes are committed by ordinary men, men who have friends and families, men who may even have done great or admirable things with their lives. We refuse to accept that nice guys rape, and they do it often. Part of the reason we haven't accepted it is that it's a painful thing to contemplate far easier to keep on believing that only evil men rape, only violent, psychotic men lurking in alleyways with pantomime-villain moustaches and knives, than to consider that rape might be something that ordinary men do. Men who might be our friends or colleagues or people we look up to. We don't want that to be the case. Hell, I don't want that to be the case. So, we all pretend it isn't...
Actually, rape is very common.
Odin2005
(53,521 posts)People don't want to admit that the average rapist is a "average Joe" because it would mean coming to grips with the belief many men have that they are "entitled" to sex.