A personal story (my story): Dealing with family members that have mental issues
Last edited Sat Jul 21, 2012, 06:23 AM - Edit history (1)
I've been reading comments all over the internet this evening and I've seen many folks state that 'the parents of James Holmes' should have done something - and this is WRONG! It is UNFAIR and not right to blame the parents.
I do not know about what can be done in 'all' of the states, but I do know that not much at all can not be done in Illinois and in Texas 'BY THE FAMILY' when the person with the problem is of legal age.
My mother suffered from 'bipolar disorder' for the majority of her life. I grew up with my grandmother due to the fact that my mother was in and out of a couple hospitals when I was young. By the time I was older, I tried my hand at trying to get her help and it always ended up to be a futile attempt and in the end left me more upset due to the 'system' then when I started.
Once I traveled from Texas to Illinois to drive my Mother to a hospital because she said she would admit herself for help to get back on her meds. After driving two days to get up there to her in order to take her to the hospital after we arrived at the hospital she told the doctor that absolutely NOTHING was wrong with her and that I - yes I - was making up a story to just get rid of her so I could take her house away from her. She was living in a house at the time that was on the verge of being condemned and I had NO desire to take her house since I was living in Texas in with my husband in a brand new 4 bedroom home on twenty-five acres at the time.
The doctors believed her and would not admit her to the hospital, since she refused to be admitted.
A few years later while visiting family in Illinois - my Mother was even worse than the other time I tried to get her help. One evening when several family members were at my aunt's house my Mother was 'brushing the carpet' with a hair brush - in her mind she was brushing my hair and was rattling on about it asking everyone "Isn't my daughter's long hair beautiful... " We called the police department for help and they transported her to the county hospital 10 miles away. I followed the police car in my car. A doctor talked to her in an exam room for about 30 minutes then came out into the waiting room and asked ME if I was ashamed of myself for trying to get her committed in order to steal HER MONEY!
She had NO money - but that is what she told the doctor and HE believed her.
A good 20 years before all of that happened - after she gave birth to my half-sister she had a total mental breakdown and my grandmother (who was alive at the time, in the 1960s) had her committed to the state hospital, apparently family members could do that back then. The father of my half-sister and half-brother received 'temporary custody' but ended up taking them up to Canada where he was born and we never saw either of the kids again for the next 20+ years.
When my sister was in her early 20s and living in Alabama she found our family (my grandmother, aunt and me - my Mother by that time had already passed away). I was living in Texas by then and I sent her an airplane ticket to come to visit. She was the spitting image of my mother: her looks, mannerisms, etc. - sadly she also inherited my mother bipolar disorder. We had a wonderful week spending time looking at pictures of family that she had never grew up with or met before, telling family stories, going places together, etc. And then she went back to where she came from.
Then all hell broke lose after she stopped taking her medication. She showed up at my elderly grandmother's house in Illinois. She would sit in the living room reading books that were upside down, and other bizarre things. One night she went into my grandmother's bedroom in the middle of the night and started 'chanting' with her arms stretched out like she was nailed to a cross and told my grandmother that she was going to kill her so that she would go to heaven to be with Jesus.
The next day my aunt put her on a bus and sent her away.
A couple of weeks later she showed up back on my doorstep. I knew what had happened up at my grandmother's house so we drove her to Parkland Hospital in Dallas in order to try to get the doctors to get her back on her meds - and MY GOD it was like dealing with my Mother all over again. I told the doctor that my sister had been admitted to hospitals in Boston and in Indiana within the past year and that she had gone off of her medicine. Of course my sister DENIED everything and the doctor came out of the exam room and accused ME of making things up.
I know that probably many folks will think bad of me - BUT I told the doctor that I had not grown up with my half-sister and that she was not my responsibility and that I was going to leave her there with him and NOT take her home with me. YES that sounds bad, but unless you've lived thru all the years that I had I think folks can't understand how emotional and stressful it can be.
Three days later I received a call from my sister - she told me that she had being wandering around the hospital and 'patients' had been sharing their food with her. I told her to tell the doctor that ''she had a problem and that she wanted to be admitted in order to get back on her meds'' and she told me NO that she would not. I hung up.
Then three days after that I received a call from the Salvation Army that was located across the street from Parkland Hospital (at least it was back then) - they told me that my sister was there and that I needed to come pick her up! I told them that it was THEM that needed to take her across the street to the hospital in order to get her back on her meds - then I hung up.
Well, finally she was admitted to the hospital and got on her meds and she got into the Texas system. She eventually received disability checks and housing. And then after that I lost track of her.
You may think that I am a horrible person - but I really am not. It is very difficult getting help for family members that have mental disorders.
Things need to be changed because the way the system is now IT SUCKS. And I hope that folks will realize when they read stories about a family that 'have not been able to help with family members that have mental disorders' that it is usually because there is NOTHING that the family can legally do to help.
Goodnight.
= new reply since forum marked as read
There are always people who are quick to blame. 
You have nothing to be ashamed of in this situation. Thanks for being who you are, no matter what happened.
In fact, I (well, my mother) could have written much of this. Her mother (my Grandmother) is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic and has done the same - agrees to get back on the meds, then when taken to the hospital/doctor, claims everyone is after her house. She lives in pre-assisted living. There is no house.
Her 93 year old next door neighbor was a retired missionary with a church. When his wife died a few years ago, she got in her head that all of the visitors to his apartment meant that he was dealing drugs, so she kept calling the facility management and police over it. He has since died - but she still won't give up her stories of living next to a "drug dealer".
It culminated in April when all 5'5" 110 pounds of her decided she needed to lose weight, so threw away the food that was brought to her and my grandfather by the staff at the facility every day. He ended up in the hospital 3x in under 3 weeks from dehydration before he collapsed and died of the same.
She still doesn't comprehend the fact that she is sick because the two of them spent decades playing the "if we don't talk about it, it isn't an issue" game. This is not a kind woman, this is a mean and vindictive woman. Thank God she is too frail to do anyone else any harm any longer, but back in the late 80s-90s, seeing her picture in the paper next to <horrific crime headline> wouldn't have surprised me one whit.
And there is nothing that anyone could do then - or now.
I get it.
the 'horribles' are the 'doctors' who failed to recognize your mother's and sister's problem.
Yes, we all have a problem, it takes a village, and unless/until we all recognize it, horrible things will continue to occur.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I can picture how difficult it must have been dealing with the misinformed medical professionals.
I once had to legally battle a very close relative in able to get guardianship of an elderly family member, 20 something years later the memory wrenches my insides.
Like physical diseases mental disorders can be heritable. Or not.
I wonder whether Holmes has any brothers or sisters?
you have to realize that you have done and have lived through all of your sisters lives.......good night, and tomorrow is another day. Just DO what you need to do to survive.
