A breach of trust (in our home)...(Update)

[Docreed2003]

Last edited Thu Apr 20, 2017, 10:09 PM - Edit history (1)

Taking a break from the all encompassing Trump fiasco for a minute to share a situation our family is currently dealing with and hoping for support and advice.

Our family recently moved back to the area where I was raised north of Nashville. With my line of work, I was immediately engulfed in work at the hospital, which left my lovely wife holding the bag to arrange for things around the house that needed to be done, some simple some major, but things that, with my schedule, I knew I wouldn't be able to complete in a timely manner...I confess that my "Honey-do list" often takes a while for me to address.

Anyway, my wife had contracted a guy through an app who seemed reputable and came with good reviews. He came in and replaced a ceiling fan and a couple light fixtures and did a nice job. We were so pleased we called him again when we needed a few little things done in the house. On the second visit, I was at work and my wife was home alone with him. He did some work in our bonus room and my wife even showed him a few other things in the house that she felt he might be able to help with. While he was working in our bonus room, my wife had to take a call and went downstairs, leaving him unattended at his work. She made the comment that he made several trips out to his truck but didn't think anything about it. Later that night, we realized that he had stolen several PlayStation games, PlayStation controllers, and some jewelry from my daughters room. We know it was him because no one else was in the house that day and we have a security system that documents every time a door or window is opened in the house.

When I found out about the theft, my first response was to call him...although I was extremely pissed, I was extremely civil, but he didn't answer his phone. I left a message saying "Look, I know what you did and I'm willing to forget all about this, just call us back". That message went unanswered and we ultimately contacted our local police department.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but it's pretty freaking embarrassing to have two patrol cars with four officers show up at your house in the middle of the night when the kids are in bed and the neighbors start turing on their lights trying to figure out what's going on. It didn't help my anxiety that at that point my wife and I had both had a couple glasses of wine and I thought to myself "These guy's are gonna think we're crazy". They took our full statements seperately and one officer went out to the car and ran his info and came back into the house smiling like the Cheshire Cat and said "Oh we know him". They assured us that the matter would be taken seriously and that was that. For me, naively, I figured that would be the end of it. It wouldn't be pursued and the matter would just die. Thankfully, we have the means to replace everything that was stolen and the kids are none the wiser. My wife on the other hand is a nervous wreck, fearful that this guy we trusted, knows everything about our house and could come back. She's been on pins and needles for weeks.

Well we got news today that we have a summons and a court date to face the guy. Turns out he is involved in some other shady stuff and our case is the tip of his iceberg. I'm severely torn over this. I'm pissed and angry this guy stole from us while we were willing to give him more work and even paid him more than he asked for the work he did because he did such good work. At the same time, I don't feel like I can let this breach of trust slide, even over something so minor.

I think we'll go to court. I've told my wife that if asked my response to the judge will be "If he had asked for the equivalent money he stole from us, I would have gladly given it to him. I'm angry at the breach of trust"

Am I being too much of a bleeding heart here? Should I be angrier than I already am? I guess I just needed to share as this has been hanging over our house for so long that I needed an outlet. Thanks folks!

Update:

Thank you to everyone who encouraged us and gave us such great support during this issue. After some whaling and gnashing of teeth, we finally had our day in court. Turns out the guy had a prior record for some serious stuff and he was in violation of parole, and he's also wanted in a neighboring state on an outstanding warrant. Because of what he did to us, he's now looking at a pretty lengthy jail time, per TN law, because of the parole violation. We "won" our case, but the DA said we'd likely never see restitution. That's fine, I'm just thankful that this guy will no longer be able to take advantage of any other families. I can only stress to everyone here: if you bring someone into your home for any reason, be careful. Even a reputable app service doesn't reveal everything about a person.

[elleng]

1. It's fine for you to be a bleeding heart HERE, doc.

You did the right thing cooperating with the cops, and it's good they've apprehended him and maybe preventing more harm to others. As should you be 'more' angry, it's not the kind of thing one can just order: More or less angry? You are what you are.

Enjoy your new home!

[Docreed2003]

7. Thanks Ellen...

Love ya..mean that..

[sprinkleeninow]

2. Hoo boy...

Was getting close to packin' it in for tonite, then I saw your post.

Your wife's been upset and rightly so.
You commented that you are in a position to replace the lifted items with no difficulty.
Law enforcement 'knows' this person who is perhaps involved with other incidents.
You moved recently?
You have stuff to do connected with moving your household.

I would choose to concentrate on my family, new digs, replace the stolen property and call it a day. That's just me thinking. Weigh the going to court against the things you mentioned. Your answer is hidden in there!
Good vibes, divine protection, light and love to you and yours, my bro in humanity.

[Docreed2003]

8. Thank you!!

[erinlough]

3. You sound like a responsible citizen doing the right thing to me.

Things are things, that never makes me as mad as a betrayal of trust. Hope everything goes well for you and your wife.

[Docreed2003]

9. Thank you...truly appreciate it!

[Blue_Roses]

4. Bottom line:

You're a nice person, who wants to believe the best in people. I'm right there with you. (long story) Nice people find it hard to be tough if they think their kindness will help the person who has done the harm. My experience, it rarely does.

My question for the guy who stole from you would be: Why steal when you do such good work and could get legitimately paid? But, it's never that easy.

Sounds like you're struggling with this, but remember, this guy violated your trust and yes, should be held accountable. Good luck and hang in there!

[Docreed2003]

10. Thanks Blue Roses

Your question hits to the heart of my own...I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get a response to that one. Will keep you guys posted on what happens!

[Blue_Roses]

18. It's hard to make sense out of things

that we could never fathom.

Years ago, I dated a guy who was a doctor's son, well-educated, and horribly addicted to drugs, alcohol, and stealing. I took it so personally, that I finally had to see a therapist. I just couldn't "fix" the guy. Well, after many sessions and tears later, my therapist finally hit the nail on the head with this statement:"You can't understand that which you are not. And you should be glad about that."

So even though I still get caught up in being nice, I now think of the repercussions of what happens without accountability. (Again, long story)

[Docreed2003]

20. Your point bears repeating...

You cannot understand that which you are not...very true!

[Doreen]

5. Of course this is just my opinion but

I think that you should do what your heart tells you. When you are no longer angry and think about what you want to do the first thought is usually the right one for you. You are not being a bleeding heart you are just following who you really are. Even though he had good references you had not had a chance to talk to people who actually used him. I suggest making friends with your neighbors and letting them know what happened and ask them who they would recommend. It is always safer when you get personal word of mouth about someone who is going to be on your property. I hope your wife is able to move on from this and not feel fearful.

[Docreed2003]

14. Thank you...

You offer great advice, but I will say this: plenty of people I know have connections with him through work he has done, even neighbors. He works contract work for one of my OR nurses. This was motivated by addiction, and that's the only explaination I can come up with. I think once this is behind us things will settle down.

[Doreen]

23. Yeah, it does sound like an addiction.

It does make you feel for him but the invasion of your home and self makes it hard.

[Glamrock]

6. Damn doc....

That's horrible. But you asked so hear goes. You absolutely should be angrier. A) You already overpaid him. B) He broke your trust, as you said. C) Your wife's feelings are the crux of the issue for me. Trust broken with her is far more serious, IMO. Men, in general have the testosterone necessary to believe they can take care of themselves. But, your wife is obviously frightened for her own safety in her own home. That's a bridge too far brother. Throw the book at him. This dude may be worse than you know. And if he goes to jail, her load will be lessened if you get my drift.

I'm really sorry to hear this.

[Docreed2003]

13. Thanks man...

You're right where I'm at...must be the Irish in me!! When I told my Marine buddies what had happened, it was all I could do to keep them from driving here to handle the matter! At the end of the day, this guy will be punished for this but it's only the tip of the iceberg. He's involved in some stuff that will send him away for a long time, our case just greased the skids.

[Glamrock]

15. Yeah, I'm with them.

But that's good news. The thought of your wife being scared in her own home really bothers me.

P. S. I'm always just an email away man...

[Docreed2003]

17. Thanks..appreciate that man

[sarah FAILIN]

11. Go to court

This guy knows where you live. He also has no morals. If you let it slide and look like an easy mark, who knows what he may do next? You probably won't even have to go to court to be honest. He will probably plead down, but he will be on notice to avoid messing with you again.

We had a theft out of a car once. Never thought we would have to go to court, just reported it for the sake of letting the cops know what was going on in the neighborhood. We found the drivers license in a nearby field, so not a huge loss. A few months later we got restitution checks without ever having to do a thing.

[Hekate]

12. Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent. What he took was expensive, & he'll go on doing it

You are fortunate enough to be able to write it off, but others before and after you have likely been very hurt both financially and emotionally.

Your wife, for instance, is as you say a nervous wreck. Deep down inside she wonders if she could have been assaulted, or if he took a key to the house and will be back to steal more or to hurt the family. It is not a minor event.

This man breached the most basic sense of security as humans -- the home. You have it in your means to stop him from harming other people, people more vulnerable than you. I don't know why you are severely torn. Make the court date and do what you can to put him out of circulation for awhile.

[Docreed2003]

16. Thank you Hekate...

My first thought, when we realized what had happened, was this: "I wasn't home and this guy took advantage of us; if he did that, what more would he be capable of??" I guess I'm torn because what he stole was so meangingless. Like I said above, his work was so good we would have likely brought him back for more substantial work in the future! I guess I'm so stunned that our generosity would be repaid with such a breach of trust. Thank you for your comments (as an aside, I love your regular comments...if the board allowed upvotes for comments I'd be one of your biggest fans! :hug

[Hekate]

19. My blushes. Many thanks. And enjoy your new home in peace and harmony henceforth.

[mahina]

27. One way to think about the right thing to do is to consider the outcome if everyone

Did x, like littering for instance.

In your case, if everyone who was a victim refused to go to court when the police were willing to follow up and file a complaint, what would happen?

No consequences, no law.

I'd definitely prosecute him.

[anneboleyn]

65. Excellent points! This happened to my husband's elderly mother

Last edited Fri Mar 10, 2017, 08:21 PM - Edit history (1)

Hekate's points are excellent and spot on. People like this guy count on good people not reporting their actions, and they will *definitely* continue their behavior. It will hurt others more, as Hekate pointed out, and his behavior will almost definitely become worse and more aggressive over time.

My husband had a very similar incident happen in his family years ago. In this case it involved workers and his elderly mother who lived alone at home. The workers, who were doing some minor repairs around the house, stole a bunch of "small" items, very similar to you OP (they stole some DVDs, video games that belonged to a cousin, music cds, etc). They also stole several pieces of jewelry that weren't literally valuable but had very high sentimental value (two of the items belonged to my husband's father who was deceased -- that was a great trauma for his mother. The items were never recovered). The incident also terrified my husband's mother as she lived alone, and this was in a small town, and the workers (who were from another town close by) knew that she was very vulnerable.

Anyway my husband and his siblings strongly debated whether or not to report the incident. Their mother was worried that they would target her if she reported them, and one of the siblings strongly argued that they should "let it go" and that it wasn't so bad, they could replace the items, etc. They DID report the incident, and it was a very good thing that they did, as the guys had ALREADY (within a matter of a couple of weeks) preyed on additional elderly persons and they had behaved aggressively and stolen more items (including cash from an elderly woman's purse).

As Hekate said, not reporting, even not appearing in court (and I can certainly empathize with your wife's feelings! It's great that you have an alarm -- do you have a dog or is it possible to get one just to help if she feels nervous at home?) help the person doing wrong and MAY expose others in the future to this guy's bad deeds.

[MedusaX]

21. Flip side

This is not about you or how you feel about his actions ....

If you do not appear in court...

He will be released & free to continue his shady activities and
he will steal from someone else...
who may not have the means to replace their items.

It sounds as though you want to avoid not only the face to face confrontation....
but also wish to avoid the association with any penalty/punishment which may be handed down by the court...

This is not a situation in which there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding between the parties....

He was employed by you
He chose to steal items / remove your items from your home without your permission

You contacted the police in a timely manner and filed a report

He has demonstrated a pattern of similar behaviors which had already been recognized by police

You are not the reason he is now facing a judge..

He controls his own behavior...
he chose to steal...
therefore, he knowingly placed himself in a position which will result in a penalty/punishment.

[Docreed2003]

22. TY...

You post is exactly where I'm at...we didn't choose to be in this situation. Frankly, I think he chose to steal the things he did because he thought we wouldn't miss them, or at least wouldn't recognize they were gone for a while! Like you suggest, we owe it to others to pursue this punishment.

[Skittles]

24. I guess I do not consider what he did to be "minor"

seriously, you need to do what you can to make sure this man is held accountable for his actions

[Docreed2003]

31. Thanks Skittles...

Maybe "minor" was a poor choice of words, but what he stole was things we could replace. What drives me absolutely nuts is what else was he capable of? I got home from work that day early, literally minutes after he had left. The whole thing is just so disturbing!

[Skittles]

50. did he even have permission to be in your daughter's room?

that right there is downright creepy

and by the way, better a bleeding heart than no heart at all, I say

[Warren DeMontague]

25. Here's the thing- there's you guys feeling violated and your trust broken, which is more than legit.

But to my mind there's not much point in wasting time trying to get inside his head, or "how could he do this to us, how could he betray our trust"-- if this was a one-off, an outlier, okay, maybe. But this is a running gig for this dude. It sounds like you're victim # whatever- one in a long series.

There's a line in the extremely disturbing Todd Solondz movie "Happiness" that always cracks my wife up- "what were you in Russia?" "I was thief"

thieving, stealing, ripping people off; whatever, it is a line of "work" this dude has chosen to pursue, so as one of countless victims, it's not personal or about you. Or, at least, there's no point for you, in viewing it that way. Why feel bad? This is what this guy does, apparently.

Best thing you can do "for" a career criminal like that is motivate them to find another line of work, by pressing charges. If nothing else you're helping out any future victims the dude might be inclined to take advantage of.

[MFM008]

26. My parents fell victim

To a door to door guy doing yard work they needed done.
My dad lost 200 dollars. They got the guy and it saved other older people from losing money.
You did to.
They do this to everyone they come across.
You did right to help even more vulnerable people and remember he just robbed you. He might do worse to others.

[anneboleyn]

68. My husband's elderly mother (in my post). You are so right that they victimize others -- and it

often gets worse with time. A lot of future violent assault types start with petty stealing, then more serious stealing, before moving on to assault, as the "rush" of violating the other person is what draws them to the crimes.

[mnhtnbb]

28. I've been there--where your wife is--because my husband is a doc

and been busy when we've moved to new houses. Most everything fell to me to arrange. I was lucky through the years
especially when we spent the better part of the first year in one house doing a total remodel/redecorating. And it was a big house.
I was so happy with the contractors that when we moved again from St. Joseph, MO to Lincoln, NE I brought the contractors
up from Kansas City where they were based to do the work on the new house. Paid for them to stay at a motel, too. It's really
important to have workers you trust and whose work you admire and appreciate in the house.

That said, a couple of years ago I had the HVAC guys out for routine spring maintenance. We have a detached garage apartment
and the air handler is in the garage. My husband--without my knowledge--had put his shotgun and an antique pistol in the closet in
the garage where the air handler was located. When I opened the door, the a/c guy asked me, "Are those guns?" Dumb me left
him alone to do his work.

Several weeks later, the guns were gone. We're pretty sure he took them--and I've never had that HVAC company back--but the closet
wasn't locked and neither is the garage. So, anybody could have gone in there--and I did have other workers I trust on the property--
before we discovered the theft-- getting paint stored in the garage so we couldn't really call the company and accuse the a/c guy.

All that said, I think you should follow through going to court if needed. The guy needs to be held accountable and you have him nailed.

[Docreed2003]

32. If you were married to a physician, you are a Saint...

I tell my wife all the time, she has the hardest job in the family because she's the one who is there, every time I'm on call, every time I get called back in, every time plans get changed. Thanks for your words!!!

[msanthrope]

29. Dude....I'm gonna give you my perspective. You aren't going to like it.

1) Go to court. Pursue this fully. Sooner or later, a thief like this, who does crimes whilst women are alone in the house, will do unspeakable crimes to women alone in a house. They get off on it.

2) Have your wife and daughter inventory their underthings.....and wash all of them.

3) Change every lock, code, and password you have. Contact your bank and credit cards, change them. Contact a credit monitoring company....and monitor that activity.

4) Guns, collectibles in storage, ammo? Check 'em. Prescription meds? Check 'em.

Had clients like this guy. You don't want to know what they can get themselves up to.

[Docreed2003]

33. Nah...I appreciate your insight

I went through everything in your checklist the night it happened, even the part about underclothes. The guns and ammo were all locked up in a safe secured with my and my wife's handprint. We changed all the locks and codes for the house as well.

I know we have to prosecute this guy. I guess my hang up is that this guy was well known, other people trusted him, and he did this. He was so caught up in his own demons that he just didn't care. As I alluded to above, he's going away for a long time and our issue was what allowed the police to bring him in. For that, I'm thankful...if that's even the right way of describing the situation.

[msanthrope]

34. You aren't responsible for his demons....and I commend you for following through on this. nt

[elfin]

54. I agree with you. Didn't think of the underwear, tho.Creepy but good idea. EOM

[Tanuki]

30. What if your wife had finished her phone call and walked back upstairs unexpectedly,

catching him in the act? He might very well have panicked and harmed her. He is known to your local police and will in all likelihood continue to victimize others and perhaps even escalate. You are to be commended for your empathy, but he is a serial victimizer. If he has addictions or other personal problems I hope he can get the help he needs, but in the meantime it is not in the best interest of the community for him to have access to the homes of other innocent and trusting people who are trying to give him an honest day's work. He knew what he did was wrong and probably rationalized it to himself.

[Docreed2003]

35. Agreed...

I agree with all your points....especially with what could he have been capable of in regards to harming my wife. He will get appropriate punishment, for this an other crimes. What's most disturbing is that this guy is known and trusted by many in the community. Hopefully, he won't victimize anyone else!

[Tanuki]

36. Not to freak you out any further, but here is a picture of the author Sebastian Junger

as a baby with his mom and a couple of local handyman whom the family had hired to do some odd jobs:


The one on the right is Albert Desalvo, who later confessed to being the Boston Stranger in a crime spree that was ongoing at that time.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5362257

[anneboleyn]

66. EXACTLY!! He may be very capable of violence, and if nobody reports him people will

continue to hire this guy to work at their houses, trusting him in their most intimate space, with an elderly parent (see my post), wife home alone, children, vulnerable teenagers, etc. If some poor person walked in on this guy while he was blatantly stealing...things could be very bad indeed.

The OP is doing a VERY BRAVE thing that will benefit others. Congrats to you OP. You are clearly a protective and healing person (being a doctor!), and I think your strength is a wonderful thing.

[Corgigal]

37. I know you're going to court

And me, as a person wishes to thank you. The next person who runs into him, alone in a house might not just have a theft charge to deal with. While I'm sure your family will recover from this, I as a rule , am never alone when anyone is working in my house. So make some new friends, they can sit and have coffee with the wife, while worker gets the job done.

Now, I'm sure some on DU will think some of this advise is silly, but i worked 911 in Tampa Florida for 8 years, and married to a retired homicide detective. So maybe I jump to bad things quicker, or I'm more aware of how fast bad things go down.

[anneboleyn]

67. Corgigal I think you are totally right (my post is about an elderly parent who was victimized)

You know from experience that people do bad things, and that the people who are willing to violate others absolutely take advantage of good people and (misguided) social norms that make people uncomfortable (such as the idea that they are "telling" on someone).

[KingCharlemagne]

38. Will the D.A. call you to testify if the case goes to trial?

[csziggy]

39. Go to court - crooks that get away with stuff just keep stealing

Forty years ago we had a couple of break ins at our house. So one day when my husband left, I stayed in the house with everything off. When the kids who had been breaking in came in, I confronted them - they took off at a run and were seen and recognized by some of our neighbors. The cops came, took a report, assessed the damage (they had broken the window in a door for the third time), and left.

A few months later we were contacted by the DA's office. They wanted us to sign off on a plea deal. Since the burglars were underage they wanted to put them in a program, part of which was restitution for the broken window. We agreed. BIG mistake.

A couple of years later the historic school in the small unincorporated community burned down. It was proven to be arson and eventually the culprits were found - two of the three involved were the kids who had broken into our house. They ended up in state prison since they were by then adults.

I feel that if they had more consequences for their original offenses they might not have escalated to the bigger crime. We agreed to the slap on the wrist for their break-ins. Maybe we should have insisted that they spend time in a juvie facility or doing community service.

It's been forty years since the original crimes and it still bothers me. The historic school will never been the same - they managed to salvage the stone shell of the building but they lost a lot of the community history with the school records and photos that were housed there. Every time I drive by the building I wonder if we could have made a difference with different choices.

[Docreed2003]

41. Wow...heartbreaking story. Thank you for sharing!

[anneboleyn]

69. Your story reminds me of the Columbine murderers. Something very similar happened with that

creep Eric Harris -- a year or two before the murders he was violently threatening his "ex" best friend (to the point that the police got involved), and then he stole some expensive computer equipment from a worker's van and some deal was worked out (and of course he was treated favorably since he was a white kid from a well-off family. He didn't need any of the items he stole -- it was all for the "rush&quot .

Maybe nothing would have changed with a different punishment but who knows. Maybe his parents would have taken a more active role in his life (I don't mean to imply that the OP is dealing with anything like this -- just that your point is a very important one!!!)

[mercuryblues]

40. you may have

the means to replace the stolen merchandise, but the last or next person he does this to may not. Your testimony may be what it takes to get this guy put in jail where he can not steal from people.

[Vinca]

42. You don't want your bleeding heart to result in the guy getting off and preying on other people.

You also don't want to reveal your bleeding heart so much the guy views you as easy pickins. Chances are he's got criminal buddies who would be more than happy to take the work people no longer hire him to do. I'll bet you anything, given the reaction of the cops, this guy has a record a mile long.

[SecularMotion]

43. Cool story, bro

You lost me at "bleeding heart"

[Docreed2003]

44. So i lost you after reading the entire post?

Good to know a figure of speech can lose some folks.

[SecularMotion]

45. I admit, you had me fooled for a while

but then I realized you were only trying to bash liberals.

[pnwmom]

47. No, I think YOU are trying to bash one. n/t

[Docreed2003]

55. In no way was I in this post or have I ever "bashed liberals" her or IRL

If you think my figure of speech somehow is bashing liberals, for that I apologize, but if you truly believe that was my purpose please highlight ANY post here that substantiates those claims.

[SecularMotion]

61. You may or may not be aware of this

but when you use phrases like "bleeding heart liberal" you're re-enforcing negative right wing stereotypes of liberals as being weak.

[Marengo]

63. Unless you are declaring that poster a right wing troll, I'd say an apology is in order.

[Docreed2003]

64. I understand fully that the right has used that term in a derogatory fashion...

In the context of my post, I didn't say "bleeding heart liberal", I merely said "bleeding heart" in regards to my true feelings of compassion that I have for someone who violated my family. It wasn't intended to be a slam on anyone or anything other than my own inherent empathy. Again, Im sorry if the phrase offended you, it certainly wasn't my intention. I was only referring to myself, nothing more or less.

[Marengo]

62. Are you suggesting that poster is a right wing troll?

[lunatica]

46. What will you say to the next victims of this guy?

[Ms. Toad]

48. We had a similar situation

You should have an opportunity to give a victim impact statement.

Ours was a break-in, but connected to neighbor kids we had helped. (They weren't involved, but the perpetrators were in the neighborhood visiting our neighbors - and our neighbors hid a tape recorder while they chatted with the perpetrators and then handed the tape recorder over to the police. That, in itself, was amazing since the neighbors each have their own rap sheet - but we treat them with respect so they are protective of us.)

Anyway, they took computers and cameras that had the only copies of photos from my parents 50th anniversary celebration that I hadn't had time to process yet. So I talked about insurance money being able to replace stuff - but nothing could replace the photos they'd taken. It made a visible impact as he was listening - who knows, long term.

As far as should you feel something other than what you're feeling - there aren't any "shoulds" about how you feel as the victim of a crime. You feel what you feel - and you may feel differently over time. I am a rape survivor, and for years having anyone go through my stuff when I was not around (like a cleaning person) triggered PTSD. I would have predicted that someone breaking into our home, going through our stuff with nefarious intentions, would have been an even more significant trigger. But it wasn't. a half-dozen years later it still hasn't. But I had a major trigger 20 years after the rape - after it being pretty much a non-issue for around a decade that caught me completely off guard.

It is what it is. Just accept what you're feeling - and know that it may not be permanent.

[haele]

49. No, you're not being too much of a bleeding heart.

And it's perfectly reasonable for you to answer a judge's question that way. Most property can be replaced, but the breach of trust cannot.
Y'know, if this guy is having problems, they need to be addressed. Why would anyone risk their professional reputation - their future - for what is in effect trinkets? I can understand and have sympathy for the desperate "stealing bread because you're starving" type of theft, but this is different. It's either Kleptomania, which is a recognized disease, or just pure criminal stupidity. How could one not be caught in that situation.

While I personally can care less about the monetary value of any stolen property, there is the fact is that he could just as casually steal something that has far more emotional value - something irreplaceable; like the last or only memory of someone's cherished loved one - and totally devastate that person.

That, and the betrayal of a professional trust, is the only reason I would think of prosecuting such a thief.

Haele

[True Dough]

51. I'm of mixed mind on this, doc

As others have stated, if you choose not to bother pursuing this in court (and especially if some of his other victims decide the same), then he will face little to nothing in the way of justice.

However, you and, more reluctantly perhaps, your wife may go through all the trouble of testifying in court only to find out many of the other victims backed out. Even if all of the victims show up, he may only get a slap on the wrist. Sometimes sentences are mighty light for crimes of property, even for multiple offenses. Depends on the judge.

Whatever you decide, I hope you're satisfied with the outcome. It's an unfortunate situation you've been put in, and it's no doing of your own.

Good luck.

[Warpy]

52. No, you're absolutely right, it wasn't the easily replaced stuff, it was the breach of trust

Your wife isn't on pins and needles because of a few Nintendo setups she has probably reordered (and maybe upgraded), she's upset that someone was in her home and rifled through the house and might be back for more. This frightens her.

It will take her a little while to get over this and getting this jerk some jail time to think his life over will help.

[phylny]

53. Years ago we had a break in.

Well, he didn't have to break anything. My husband left the sliding glass door open by mistake one night and a guy walked right in and stole things on the first floor.

A few weeks later, the police came and asked questions. Sure enough, they found the guy with some of our things (not all). I did testify in court and he was convicted. Yes, he was a drug addict.

The reason I did is to protect ourselves and our neighbors. If we didn't testify (there were other people as well), then he might have gone free to do it to someone else.

Good luck, and I'm sorry this happened to you. Enjoy your new home.

[delisen]

56. This is not one impulsive lapse of judgement. If you and your spouse feel up to it,

I would suggest not enabling him by holding him accountable. His next victims might not be able to afford his theft.

[Blue_true]

57. I would change it.

Don't mention money. Point out that the guy did quality work and gained your trust, but the theft violated that trust.

[Tanuki]

58. Good point. If your local paper quotes you as saying you would have gladly given him money,

you may find yourself approached by opportunists who hope you will gladly give them money, too. I would just stick with the facts of the case.

[Docreed2003]

60. Excellent point...

They want us to itemize everything that was stolen, which we will, but your point, I think, strikes to the heart of the issue!

[Ilsa]

59. I'm so sorry this happened to you. From my own

experience, I'd recommend that you let him face the system. Let the judge grant mercy if it is warranted. It might be exactly what he needs to get his life in order, maybe save his life or that of someone close to him.

The best thing I did a number of years ago was to turn in a trusted family member who violated that trust. This person robbed me while we were doing a project together, one in which I was giving him half of the net profits, just because he was family. Stole several thousand dollars in property from me and my husband, including something very sentimental, and hocked it all for drug money. The felony created a legal history on him that meant that if he ever did something even more stupid, he'd be locked up longer. The thing is, other family members had enabled him for years in his criminal behavior. This episode laid the groundwork. The next attempt really cost him, and that was when he started straightening up. He still has a long way to go, and he has not even attempted to make amends, but we all feel better that he is apparently living a cleaner life.

I wish you and your wife peace of mind. Some people need different, harsher incentives to do the right thing, and you can't change that about him.

[Bob Geiger]

70. Lighten up...

And toughen up -- Francis.

[Docreed2003]

72. Lmao...

Had to go out of your way to use my own line against me. Well played I suppose, except your post in the other thread threatening action against a poster who was clearly being sarcastic is no where near applicable to this situation. But thanks for playing the game.

[Lee-Lee]

71. That he was well known to your local LE says a ton

When I was a deputy we knew who all the troublemakers were in the county. To this day I could rattle off names of people and I haven't worked that job in 10 years.

About 3% of the population will cause about 99% of your problems in the LE world. That the cops knew him says he is in that 3%.

Often there are people like him that have a public face where people know them but the other side known to LE and the courts. They talk a good game and make everyone think they are great while they cheat and steall.

Go to court. You will probably have to go multiple times because a favorite tactic of defense attorneys when they don't really have a defense is to keep asking to continuances when court day comes for whatever reason just so they can try to wear down the witnesses to the point they won't show. Stick with it, it is important that he be convicted because for every person willing to press changes and see it through a dozen more will be ripped off and not do it- and he needs to be held accountable. Depending on his history of convictions you may be dissatisfied with the penalty but equally as important is a conviction on the record that sets the stage for a harsher penalty if he does it again- so stick with it.

[treestar]

73. If you have a summons to go

you're in contempt of court if you don't.

I doubt the court would pursue it, as they don't have a lot of time generally, though I don't know that particular court.

It is best that this guy get whatever legal punishment is due to him - for the good of society. Maybe it's a tip of an iceberg, but remember they got Al Capone for tax evasion, so maybe your case could do a lot of good as it could be more provable than worse things he has done.

I would see it as a duty to society, which is bleeding heart in its own way.

[FSogol]

74. Turning him in is the right thing to do. Unless stopped he'll continue to steal from others and

may do more financial damage than stealing some games and breaching trust.