Extreme Parenting: To Leash or Not to Leash? (Video at link)

[stone space]

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/06/extreme-parenting-to-leash-or-not-to-leash/

Extreme Parenting: To Leash or Not to Leash?

June 25, 2012

By ELIZA MURPHY

via GOOD MORNING AMERICA

It's becoming almost a common sight-and a great debate for any modern family. To leash or not to leash small children? For parents across the country, there is no middle ground.

Mother of four and family psychologist Kristen Howerton of New York City says she was given a safety harness as a gift.

"I felt a little funny about it. We were on vacation with my sister-in-law in Seattle. I was juggling a bunch of children and worried about someone running out, and she said 'Why don't you put this on your daughter?' So I did and it just kind of made sense," said Howerton.

But when Howerton, 37, used the harness she said she got so many looks she put it away and hasn't used it a lot. People were glaring at her and making comments about how it's a child and not a dog.

There were some benefits to using the harness, however.

"It was great. My daughter was walking freely she felt like she had freedom, but I felt like she was safe. It was a great experience other than other people," Howerton said.

Child psychologist Tina Bryson explained why she believes parents are choosing to leash their kids.

"A lot of times the parents who are using it are using it because it's based on a child's behavior that they've seen," said Bryson.

For Howerton, whose husband was hit by a car, it's all about safety, regardless of the criticism.

snip--------------------------

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/06/extreme-parenting-to-leash-or-not-to-leash/



(more, and Video at link)

[hollysmom]

1. lets just say taht if the mother had a leash on her little boy that climbed into the gorilla cage,

one more animal would be alive.

some people don't have the attention span to watch their kids or have too many kids to watch, this is for them, not needed for everyone.

[gollygee]

5. No doubt

Moms get blamed if they don't watch their kids closely enough to keep them from getting hurt, but then if they recognize how hard it is and find a tool to help them keep their kids from getting hurt, they get blamed for using that too.

[Nitram]

8. I don't know Hollysmom. The line between helping children learn independence and keeping them safe

can be a thin one. One only has to look away for a second for a kid to get into serious trouble. Was my Mom a bad mother because I came very close to serious injury or death 4 or 5 times when I was a very young child?

[hollysmom]

14. Hey I wa a kid who was told to go out after lunch and not come back until dinner since I was 5.

But my mother had no idea that I grew up playing with rats and snakes in the chemical dump near our house. She didn't care what we did as long as we were out of the house - with the exception, unlike the other kids on our street, when she would see the DDT trucks come down the street, she would run and bring us in the house. while the other kids got to play in the cool spray of DDT. She was not very well educated, but she figured if it killed mosquitoes it could hurt us. She did not even know about the chemical dump until I told her when she was in her 60s and she was horrified.
I have watched kids most of my life - brothers, nieces nephews neighbors in all sorts of situations, but if I had too much to pay attention to and could not concentrate on them, I asked for help. I don't know what the mother was doing, but you can't scale that fence in a second, she was not paying attention for a while. and if you are that distracted a little help could be useful. Believe me, watching my nephews in NYC when they were raised in the country and their mother had a no hitting no yelling rule, I would have considered a leash a blessing when my 5 year old nephew thought he could catch a subway that was passing through a station. I had to turn any attention from his 6 year old brother and chase him along the edge as he grabbed at the train. after that I mastered what was called "the Christopher death grip" so he could not slip away from me again.
there is a time and place and age for children to run free. I am not for helicopter parenting but the kid stated he wanted to climb into the enclosure and the mother responded to it, I don't know what else was happening with her family if other members were there to help but for this kid in this setting it would have been a help.

[CrispyQ]

2. I'm all for it.

Fuck people & their judgmentalism. As the public space gets more & more crowded with more on-edge people, why wouldn't one protect their children? If you feel your children will be safer harnessed, then do it & fuck the dirty looks.

People have no idea what personalities the little ones have. My friend had three kids & one, especially was inclined to dart off. She put them all in a harness & endured the dirty looks & comments. She had peace of mind & the kid finally learned that mom meant it when she said "Stay close." It's not a lot different from women who breast feed in public. It's becoming more acceptable as more & more women do it.

[laundry_queen]

19. I wish I wouldn't have been such a chicken shit with my first

I was young when I had her, (always worried about dirty looks) and she was awful for running away. She took off every chance she got. Once she slipped her hand out of mine and ran out in front of a moving car in the parking lot...thankfully the car came to a squealing stop, but I thought I would die of a heart attack. I scooped her up and cried and cried. It was even worse when I was pregnant with my second. I couldn't leave the house without my husband, because I couldn't run fast enough to catch my 2 year old.

One woman I met said to me, "Oh, you have a runner." "um, wha? huh? How did you know that, you just met me?" "You are holding her wrist, not her hand. My first one was like that too. They can slip away if you hold their hand, but if you hold their wrist you have a better grip." LOL she knew. I either broke my back hanging on to her wrist with the death grip, or I strapped a screaming child into a stroller. I was too afraid to try a harness, because many people (ahem, my own mother) thought it was a sign of bad parenting. I know better now...My other children followed me around like little ducklings and I never had to worry about them taking off. Ever. I was prepared to use a harness with them but never had to. Now I know my life would've been so much easier with my first had she had her own harness.

[CrispyQ]

22. Thanks for sharing your story.

Runners. I'll have to tell my friend about that. Her boy is in high school now & one of the best on the track team.

[yeoman6987]

26. It is a parents decision to leash or not

Who cares what others think. If someone made a snide remark to me, I'd say you want to watch them. They couldn't run away fast enough. Lol.

[enlightenment]

3. I used a harness for my son

(who is now 36).

He liked to run, and climb, and jump. Climb things like the benches on the second floor of the indoor mall that were positioned directly against the four foot plexiglass partition wall that opened to the first floor and a beautiful, large, entrancing (for a small child) fountain.

I would use one again in a heartbeat.

[nc4bo]

4. My son was a runner/slick willy, I harnessed his butt

The icing on the cake was when I was trying to mail Xmas packages at a mail center and had to fill out papers, that lil sicker took off out the door, through a parking lot and was halfway round the building before a kind stranger caught him.

l harnessed him. Better the ugly stares from know nothing busybodies than staring at his dead body on the pavement.

[LiberalElite]

7. I see nothing wrong with putting a harness on a child

they can get away and into difficulty in a flash. One look away and they're gone.

[Quantess]

9. My nephews needed leashes.

Those kids were fast and energetic and impulsive.

[libodem]

10. Had to with my last son

He was a runner, wanderer, and very active.

[Brickbat]

11. I didn't use them, but I try not to judge.

There's no way to say "I wish other people would do the same" without sounding judgy, though.

[winter is coming]

12. I had a harness for my little escape artist. No regrets. n/t

[mainer]

13. Some children need one

I would never judge a parent for trying their best to keep their kid safe. Especially in places with traffic or crowds.

[Raissa]

15. I used one on occassion.

One of my three regurlary darted off. He has sensory issues that could really set him off and in new or unfamiliar enivornments it wad hard for us to predict his outbursts.

I just tried to do my best and ignore the judgmental gazes. I knew it as the right thing to do for us and for him.

[Hekate]

16. Guaranteed flame bait, but I am all for it. Toddlers are ... Squirrel!

[aikoaiko]

17. There is a right time and place for them.

Im tall (6'5&quot and it was hard to hold my son's hand when he was 2-ish. In airports and other crowded places he wore a monkey harness with a leash. He loved wearing it.

[Jesus Malverde]

18. Just saw one yesterday

Instead of a harness it was attached to a back pack the kid was wearing. Also allows children to walk and not force parents to stoop down. In America parents put kids that are way over age into strollers. Much better a leash and some exercise.

[Recursion]

20. We had one for my little brother in 1986 or so (funny story follows)

My parents had gotten a teaching job for a summer in Switzerland in a tiny village way the hell up in the mountains (I know, what part of Switzerland isn't, but like really out in the sticks where the people still spoke Romanshe). My brother was, I don't know, I guess 2 or so and just learning to toddle around and our house was up a mountain trail with a ravine on one side. So, we got him a harness so he could do his walking thing without my parents having to dive into ravines to save him.

He loved it. He loved it so much that he wanted to still use it when we moved back to our small Mississippi town that was about as flat as a cast-iron skillet. We tried to explain that was more of a Switzerland thing, but, being a 2 year old he would have none of it, and would sometimes throw fits, like when in line in the grocery store he screamed at max 2-yo volume,

"No, daddy, tie me up with the rope again! I want you to tie me up with the rope again!!!"

We paid in silence and avoided that Piggly Wiggly for a while.

[CrispyQ]

23. LOL.

I am LMAO here.

[Yo_Mama]

36. Howling. Just howling. Thanks for sharing that. n/t

[Skittles]

21. when I see a leashed child, I assume there's a good reason for it

yes INDEED

[1939]

35. I fully agree

there goes a mother who knows her kid.

I wish my first wife would have used a harness on the younger one, but she wouldn't think of it.

The little girl (52 now) really need one.

[DawgHouse]

24. It's probably a good idea to tether a child to the parent in certain circumstances.

I wonder if Howerton should tether her husband since the article and video state that her husband 'was hit by a car".

[ScreamingMeemie]

25. My daughter was an extremely curious 2-year-old.

I planned a trip to DisneyWorld with her, and bought what Fisher Price called a "hand-holder" at the time. Two bracelets with basically a telephone cord between them. This gave her a little "space," and it gave me peace of mind. The one time I took it off, she bolted.

What I think about what others think about me using it... ... ...

[mnhtnbb]

27. You see them used more often in Europe than around the US

My mom used one on my brother back in the early 50's when they were living in NYC. She couldn't chance letting
him get out in NY traffic. He was not quite two when I was born.

I've told the story of my almost 3 year old--who would still sit in the stroller--getting away from me at the Omaha Zoo
when we were there as a family (my husband was with the oldest and had already gone in to the new Lied Jungle
exhibit). I took him out of the stroller, turned to put the stroller against the building (to go into the Lied Jungle exhibit) turned back and he was gone. Nowhere in sight.
I started screaming his name and everything went into slow motion. People turned around to look at me. I kept screaming. Everyone
stopped. And because they did, I saw him, still walking away from me. He was a good 20 yards away from me and my back had been
turned for only a few seconds. My fear at the time was that someone had grabbed him and headed to the nearby main entrance/exit. He was not in danger of getting into
an animal exhibit, but I was scared out of my mind that he'd been abducted.

[bigwillq]

28. I am fine either way

Up to the parents and their children. I don't see anything wrong with either choice.

[sofa king]

29. Almost every kid I have seen on a leash....

Almost every kid I have seen on a leash is tied to a parent who is talking on a phone. The leash isn't for the child; it's for disengaged parents who only won their parenting jobs because there is no entrance examination.

That's my no-children opinion, so yeah, I really don't know what it's like, because I made the conscious decision not to add to the problem.

[Person 2713]

30. One of our kids learned to walk very early and loved to run with no process yet of fear of cars etc

I was walking through a zoo with a friend and my young one in a harness . A young (childless) couple pointed at my kid and asked all in horror why do keep your child on a leash!?
Before I could answer my friend stepped forward and he said to them very sternly " to keep him safe!" Yeah they went away .....my friend doesn't have any kids but he never questioned why I had the leash. Some people are just looking for drama. Myob IMO
Had my kid ran into them or I had to discipline him in public useless at his very young age)for running around these same people IMO would have the same fervor for drama
Strapped down in a semi mobile stroller constantly struggling to get out and walk yes I have seen that and it is one answer to the problem as is not taking them out
We thought it healthier for our kid, and our kid only , to walk no opinion on how others handle it except when they don't address it at all. That is a danger that can involve many not just the family
ignoring their child or handling many young ones all at once which can induce fatigue or loss of control. True there are others who can do it all and don't need a leash no matter the age or multitude of children in their care, great, but we knew our own limitations and wish others would have accepted that too.
Edit to add I am speaking of a long past event pre smart phones

[Nye Bevan]

31. Europeans use them all the time. Many Americans have an irrational dislike of them.

Weird how strapping a child in a stroller is no problem, but a leash is somehow horrible.

[cali]

32. I leashed my kid when he was a toddler

[REP]

33. My brother and I were leashed

We're 13 months apart in age, and as it was the 60s, I believe my mother just used some sort of string. I have no memories of it; she told me - so I don't think it damaged me in any way; at least I don't fear string or roll into a ball when I see a child on a harness I actually thought it was a clever way to keep us from running off and still letting us have fun and I still feel that way about harnesses.

[Yo_Mama]

34. Sometimes it is the only safe solution, so the critics should just shut up.

Some toddlers are lightning fast and utterly fearless. My niece went through a period during which she attempted to throw herself in every body of water she saw. That includes rivers and the ocean.

In a situation like that, you either have physical contact/control of that child at all times, or you have to use the safety harness. It's not right to strap these kids up in walkers all the time.