Sat Jun 2, 2012, 07:52 PM
The DUzy Awards (120 posts)
The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 1st, 2012
Last edited Sun Jun 3, 2012, 12:40 AM - Edit history (2)
Your weekly delivery of puns, zingers, jokes, groaners, moaners, ROFLers, and various and sundry other bits of humor!
How it works:
You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.
If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.
If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.
All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
In an original post by pokerfan
RIAA Sued LimeWire For More Money Than Exists In The World
Good luck with that.
The RIAA still has it out for LimeWire despite the fact that it was shut down in October 2010. The RIAA stated to a court that it has identified over 11,000 American songs that were being illegally shared, and as a result, LimeWire should compensate for every individual download of the tracks. How much does the RIAA think LimeWire should pay? Approximately $72 trillion, a figure that is 20% higher than the combined wealth of the entire world. Fortunately for LimeWire, the judge dismissed the case, stating that the RIAA is only entitled to sue per song rather than individual downloads. Even so, going by the figure of $150,000 per song, LimeWire could be subjected to paying a $1.65 billion fine.
13. Limewire should pay them in songs
Write 11,000 songs Limewire! Write a bot that grinds out songs (call it Phillip Glass 2.0).
They are worth (72 tril divided by 11,000 = ) $65.4 million each apparently.
Even the Phil Collins songs -- $65.4 million.
GD, 25 May 2012
In an original post by tcaudilllg
I hate DU
I hate everything about it. Not for what it is, but for what it prevents other sites from becoming through its existence. The Dems do not need a central hub in a forum -- they need a kind of RSS cross network thing, with which to monitor developments on many forums at once. One that ISN'T POLICED. As it is most democrats come to DU because it's the big site, and it has search engine visibility, and lots of other advantages. It has all these advantages, but it just sucks because I disagree with it. I think the thing that really kills it is that people are trying to make a living running it, and that leads in all sorts of nasty directions. The best Dem forums are completely free, run with donations, and are small scale.
19. Fine. DU wants the sweater back that you borrowed. And the Alanis Morrisette CDs you borrowed.
And those cute red shoes you swore you were only going to wear on that one date because you couldn't find anything else to go with your new outfit, but then you never gave them back and kept wearing them until you broke one of the heels and then lied about it and said you didn't remember anything about any red shoes, but then DU found them on the floor in the back of your closet and you started screaming that they were yours and pushed DU out of your room and called DU all sorts of nasty names and started spreading ugly rumors about DU at lunch and hung a dead squirrel in DU's locker.
Frankly, I wouldn't blame DU one bit if DU hates you back.
M-D, 26 May 2012
In an original post by Omaha Steve
Report: Fla. officer shoots, kills naked attacker
(AP) MIAMI - A Miami police officer on Saturday fatally shot a naked man who was chewing on the face of another man on a downtown causeway off-ramp, police and witnesses said.
The Miami Herald reports that gunshots were heard at about 2 p.m. on the MacArthur Causeway off-ramp, which is near the newspaper's offices. Witnesses said that a woman saw two men fighting and flagged down a police officer, who came upon a naked man mauling the other man. The newspaper quoted witnesses as saying that the officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he ignored the demand, the officer shot him. Witnesses said that the naked man continued his attack after being shot once, and the officer shot him several more times.
Police said the other man was transported to Jackson Memorial Hospital Ryder Trauma Center. The newspaper said he had suffered critical injuries.
The police department confirmed in a news release that there was an officer-related shooting, but did not include many details provided by witnesses to the newspaper.
Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57442197/report-fla-officer-shoots-kills-naked-attacker/
The land of nuts and nuts.
6. Please don't say "nuts" like it's a Bad Thing. It's offensive to us Nuts.
* This is a public service posting on behalf of the International Association of Fruits & Nuts, Ad Hoc DU Chapter.
** This message may or may not reflect the opinions of 10minutearticle, 1plain1peanut, AcadamiaNut, aquanut, B3Nut, blackwalnut, bobbonutrino, bozosleftnut, bulugnut, BUSHISNUTS, butternut, butternutty, buttnutt, Canadiangunnut, capsnut, Carnut, CarNutAtl, Cash U. Nutt, CA_liberal_nut, Chanute, coconut, Coconut Buddha Ape, coconut55, CoconutMonkey, coconutofdoom, Coconuts, coconut_oil, conspiracy-nut, cybernut, darlademnut, deeznuts, DemNutz, democratinutah, deznuts, deznutts, donut, donut33, donutrevolutionary, Donuts, donutwant, econut, elvisthenut, fleabitpeanutmonkey, fluffernutter, fordnut, FruityNuts, fuzzlenutz, gaygunnut, GnomesLeftNut, grapenut1998, graphixnut, gunnut12345, HangingSaddamByHisNutsack, hangonjustaminute, hazelnut, HealthNut, Historynut, Jacknut, jakenuts, JaneDoughnut, JustFiveMoreMinutes, just_anuther_gurl, Kazznut, KnuteThingrich, KNUTSY, kokonuts, konominut, lastminutevoter, leftnut22, leftrightwingnut, leftrightwingnuts, leftwingnut, LeftyWingNut, Lefty_WingNut, Lela McNutt, Letters From A Nut, liberalgunnut, LiberalInUtah, lilpnut, Lonenut23, lonenutcracker, loosenut, Lugnut, Luv nut, MACanuto, madminute, MarlinNut, MilsurpNut, Minuteman, Minutes, monkeynuts6969, monolithic_juggernut, Mr Peanut, Mr. Peanut, mrpeanut, my15minutes, NONnutcase, NorthwestNut, NoToCubanRepubnuts, nsaixphnutex, numinut, Nut Grinderswitch, Nutboy, nutcake, nutcase, nutcracker420, nutcrakcer, nutgrass, nuthatch, nuthead2ub, Nutkinnews, Nutmeg, NutMeg021576, nutmeg08, Nutmeg1576, Nutmeg61, Nutmegger, NutmegJenny, NutmegYankee, nutmeg_express, Nutniks, nuton2wheels, nutone, nutria, Nutrino, NutritionFacts, Nuts, nuts101, nutsco101, nutshell2002, nutsnberries, nutsnbolts, NutterFluffer, NuttinBut, nutty left, NuttyFluffers, nuttyjake, nuttymango, nuttywoody, nututhissite, oaknut, omgiamgoingnuts, Opera Nut, ornanut, paolonutuni, peanut, Peanut Gallery, peanut2010, peanut3729, peanut57, peanutbrittle, PeanutButter, Peanutcat, PeanutGallery, PeanutOne, peanuts, peanutz, Permanut, pnutchuck, pnutfarmer, PNutt, PoliSciNut, PolitiNut, PublicHealthNut, pucknut, Racenut20, reichwingnut, somenut, soulforpeanuts, soulforpeanutz, Soynut, spacenut, Spudnuts, superbeachnut, TahitiNut, the wingnuttiest, undamynutz, Unuttymuh, videonut, walnutpie, weenut1, Wingnut19, Wingnutblogger, Wingnutsawry, wwwalnut, or yoganut.
LBN, 26 May 2012
In an original post by malaise
Who built the Golden Gate Bridge?
Celebrate San Francisco!! Celebrate government infrastructure for the social good.
Back in the day private enterprise joined forces with the government for the good of all.
75 years and going strong
1. Was it...
GD, 27 May 2012
In an original post by Playinghardball
Did You Know This Shocking Way That We're Behind Much Of The World?
Found on the Facebook wall of The Peoples Boycott/MoveOn.org
3. I take it. Men get even less.
12. Oh, What a Ghastly, Put-Upon Horror it Is, Being a Man, Sir
To be born with testicles is to be born accursed.
24. Castrated men live 10-15 years longer
An evolutionary scientist author said on the local radio Progressive show that males castrated early in life have a 10-15 year old longer life expectancy. It was in response to how THom Hartmann claims that testosterone is the most dangerous drug in the world.
25. You Must Be Lots Of Fun At Parties, Fella....
GD, 29 May 2012
In an original post by JVS
I hate it when I send an alert only to find that someone else's alert has already failed.
It's like I'm being denied a chance to plead my case against obvious trollery.
Let me show you this redacted alert response to demonstrate (all caps and change of time is used to protect the identity of the obviously guilty):
At Thu May 31, 2012, 06:31 PM you sent an alert on the following post:
The reason for the alert was:
This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate. (See <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=aboutus#communitystandards" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.)
You added the following comments:
Eagle avatars instantly and invariably provoke suspicion that this guy is a MIRT case. I suppose this is inadequate grounds for a banning, but who the fuck addresses a board as "INSERT GRATUITOUS INSULT HERE" after INSERT NUMBER LOWER THAN 10 posts. Nothing good will come from this smeg-head, I assure you. Do the right thing and hide his posts and ban him now. Addressing the opposing side in an argument as "CHILDISH WORD" from the beginning is an obvious harbinger of disruption to come unless you and the MIRT employ the Iron Fist. All you jurors have fun now, and we'll have a round of beers in Meta when this troll is eliminated.
A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this post at Thu May 31, 2012, 06:19 PM, and voted 2-4 to keep it.
So anyway 13 minutes before getting my alert the jury carelessly kept from the PPR he so richly deserves.
4. One post. One review. One jury.
We don't keep trying people until we get the jury result we want.
5. That seems unfair. If one were to flash a bus full of nuns, isn't each nun allowed to file an...
6. If one were to flash a bus full of nuns, one would rightfully be smited by a lightning bolt,
therefore your point is moot.
9. If that was true I wouldn't be here to type this
M-D, 31 May 2012
In an original post by cali
Jesus found in Texas bathroom mold
SPLENDORA, Texas, May 31 (UPI) -- A Texas family says they are getting strength from an image of Jesus they found in the mold growing inside the shower of their home.
Chyanna Richards, who lives in the home, told KTRK-TV, Houston, she doesn't know if it's mold or mildew in the bathroom but said the appearance of Jesus' image has meaning.
"Maybe it means something. Maybe look into yourself and see if you need to change something in your life," she said.
The mold began growing in the bathroom at the Splendora home a couple months ago when Thomas George, who lives in the
Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/05/31/Jesus-found-in-Texas-bathroom-mold/UPI-16361338493001/#ixzz1wVGP3cfS
9. And lo, mold-Jesus spake unto the thronging showerites...
...goest thou forth an findeth a humble scrub brush,
then return to the tile and scrub with great vigor!
For I say unto thee, if thou seekest the Lord,
ye shalt not find Him in the mold of the shower,
nor in the Pachyderms and Preachers.
Ye shall find him by embracing thy neighbor, all of them,
and raising taxes on incomes of millions of shekels.
GD, 31 May 2012
In an original post by onehandle
The end of the Milky Way galaxy as we know it
(CNN) - Our Milky Way galaxy is an anomaly in more ways than one. And now, NASA scientists say they know exactly when it will come to an end. In a universe that is forever spreading apart, the Milky Way has been moving closer to celestial neighbor the Andromeda galaxy. But whether we are in for intergalactic Armageddon or an extraterrestrial fender bender has been a mystery -- until now.
"Very interestingly, we find that Andromeda galaxy does appear to be coming straight at us," said Roeland van der Marel, an astronomer at the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore. He was scheduled to speak at a NASA press conference Thursday.
The discovery was made thanks to images taken over the 22-year lifespan of the Hubble Space Telescope. But the quest to determine the Milky Way galaxy's expiration date has been undertaken by astronomers for more than 100 years. Now, for the first time, NASA scientists say they know "with certainty" when our beloved galaxy will cease to exist as we know it, what it will look like and how it will happen.
New data collected by the Hubble Space Telescope proves, NASA says, that in 4 billion years the Milky Way and Andromeda will collide or pass each other by so closely that the gravitational force each exerts on the other will cause them to slow down to the point of merging. The merger will be completed 6 billion years from now.
Read more: http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/science_tech/the-end-of-the-milky-way-galaxy-as-we-know-it
20. Maybe I'm simple-minded, but if everything's moving away from the Big Bang, how do galaxies collide?
47. Well, when a mommy galaxy and a daddy galaxy love each other very much ...
LBN, 31 May 2012
In an original post by raccoon
Do most people only read the thread title and no more?
Heck, I'd do a poll if I could. as follows:
Yes, I do that all the time.
No, I NEVER do that.
1. Do most people only read? What kinda question is that?
The Lounge, 28 May 2012
In an original post by underpants
CAPTION this Mah'velous! Spectackylar! moment of (mis) understanding how to play the photo-op angle
4. Wow. It's Airforce None!
You couldn't even Photo Shop a more telling picture.
7. Douche Descending a Staircase
11. Flown into Vegas by a rich philanderer...
We've establish what you are. Now we are just negotiating price.
GD, 29 May 2012
In an original post by rustydog
Limbaugh: ‘I created more jobs than Obama and Romney put together’
Rushbo, the problem is Obama and Rawmoney are referring to employment not sex acts.
2. Sure - pilots, pharmacists, underage sex workers, TSA Agents...
4. Divorce attorneys...
6. And subsequently - wedding planners...
GD, 29 May 2012
In an original post by K8-EEE
I missed the portrait unveiling yesterday but this photo really made me LOL
The Bushes look like they had an early cocktail hour!
4. What is it with Republican women and those crazy
googly eyes? Damn. If I had to wake up to one of those serial-killer stares every day, I'd stay drunk, too.
GD, 1 June 2012
Thanks to: Make7, UnrepentantLiberal, beac, Scuba, LiberalAndProud, scarletwoman, Vanje, dixiegrrrrl, rocktivity, and Mira!
Submitted for shits and giggles,
27 replies, 5449 views
The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 1st, 2012 (Original post)
|The DUzy Awards||Jun 2012||OP|
|Ruby the Liberal||Jun 2012||#3|
|Ruby the Liberal||Jun 2012||#16|
Response to krispos42 (Reply #1)
Sat Jun 2, 2012, 08:07 PM
UnrepentantLiberal (11,700 posts)
5. You runnined my Saturday morning coffee.
Then again, the DUzys make more sense with an evening beer... or three...
Edit: "runnined"... Maybe that was four beers.
Response to The DUzy Awards (Original post)
Sat Jun 2, 2012, 08:02 PM
petronius (25,518 posts)
2. LOL! TahitiNut went the extra mile on that one (and actually reading through
that list of *nut*s is pretty damn funny in it's own right)...
Response to petronius (Reply #2)
Sun Jun 3, 2012, 12:28 PM
Manifestor_of_Light (20,668 posts)
25. One of my former handles is in that list.
If any old timers at du remember me when I was Opera Nut, I would love to know about it. After that I was Perragrande.