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Fri Jun 1, 2012, 02:57 PM

Men's Porn Use Linked to Unhappy Relationships

http://news.yahoo.com/mens-porn-linked-unhappy-relationships-141633519.html

Stewart decided to investigate the effect of porn on relationships after some of her clients revealed that they were struggling with the issue.

Discovering explicit material on a partner's computer "made them feel like they were not good enough, like they could not measure up," Stewart told LiveScience.


*Ok everybody, let's not forget the magic words: some, many, a few, most...This can be a tough topic to avoid absolutes.*



19 votes, 0 passes | Time left: Unlimited
Porn is mostly negative in a relationship.
4 (21%)
Porn is mostly neutral in a relationship.
14 (74%)
Porn is mostly positive in a relationship.
1 (5%)
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Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

49 replies, 7584 views

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Arrow 49 replies Author Time Post
Reply Men's Porn Use Linked to Unhappy Relationships (Original post)
RadiationTherapy Jun 2012 OP
cynatnite Jun 2012 #1
JVS Jun 2012 #2
TheWraith Jun 2012 #3
randome Jun 2012 #21
patrice Jun 2012 #4
HappyMe Jun 2012 #5
ManyShadesOf Jun 2012 #43
cbdo2007 Jun 2012 #6
cthulu2016 Jun 2012 #7
Puregonzo1188 Jun 2012 #22
Major Nikon Jun 2012 #26
patrice Jun 2012 #8
originalpckelly Jun 2012 #9
Bennyboy Jun 2012 #10
jeff47 Jun 2012 #19
Bennyboy Jun 2012 #34
LadyHawkAZ Jun 2012 #11
TheWraith Jun 2012 #12
sendero Jun 2012 #13
ManyShadesOf Jun 2012 #44
dawg Jun 2012 #14
musiclawyer Jun 2012 #15
jeff47 Jun 2012 #18
ManyShadesOf Jun 2012 #45
jeff47 Jun 2012 #47
ManyShadesOf Jun 2012 #48
riderinthestorm Jun 2012 #16
riderinthestorm Jun 2012 #17
jeff47 Jun 2012 #20
HangOnKids Jun 2012 #23
jeff47 Jun 2012 #25
kctim Jun 2012 #24
RainDog Jun 2012 #27
Jennicut Jun 2012 #28
Darth_Kitten Jun 2012 #29
Warren DeMontague Jun 2012 #41
kimi Jun 2012 #49
underpants Jun 2012 #30
UnrepentantLiberal Jun 2012 #32
mythology Jun 2012 #40
UnrepentantLiberal Jun 2012 #31
Warren DeMontague Jun 2012 #33
Ruby the Liberal Jun 2012 #35
UnrepentantLiberal Jun 2012 #39
Nevernose Jun 2012 #36
Tikki Jun 2012 #37
bhikkhu Jun 2012 #38
ManyShadesOf Jun 2012 #42
Marrah_G Jun 2012 #46

Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 02:59 PM

1. I don't care if my husband watches porn...

I watch porn on occasion myself. It has zero impact on our relationship.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:00 PM

2. popcorn

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:04 PM

3. Or more rationally, unhappy relationships are more likely to result in porn use.

Which is the only logical conclusion, assuming that you're not trying to prove that carts are driving around forcing horses to run in front of them.

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Response to TheWraith (Reply #3)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:54 PM

21. Agree. I think that's more common than the reverse.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:11 PM

4. "a relationship"? That would depend upon which one. I would guess that the number of

relationships in which porn is a negative factor exceeds the number of relationships in which it is a positive factor.

By how much???? Pure wild-ass guess: 60:40, negative:positive.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:12 PM

5. Neutral.

He and I watch it together sometimes. I don't care if he watches it by himself.

It has no effect on our relationship.



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Response to HappyMe (Reply #5)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:11 AM

43. that sounds great

 

and in the era of "bitches and hos" in pop music, the continuing trend of hooker styling for women's fashions ... wonder how far this "no effect" thing really operates. Imagery is imagery.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:13 PM

6. Title should read, "Men's unhappy relationships linked to Women"

hahahahahahaha j/k

Oh come on, take a joke.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:16 PM

7. Anyone who goes through their partner's computer is

so utterly fucked up that the porn insecurity angle is only the tip of the iceberg.

In good relationships people don't go through each other's shit. Wouldn't even cross their minds.

Good relationships usually involve good people.

I had just this conversation with a female friend. She was disturbed by text messages she found on her SO's cell. I said that if she's going through his texts the relationship is hopeless whether there is anything there or not.

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Response to cthulu2016 (Reply #7)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:56 PM

22. 100% Agreed. That was my first reaction as well.

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Response to cthulu2016 (Reply #7)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 05:43 PM

26. I also see it as a chicken/egg situation

Which came first, the porn or the unhappiness?

Personally I have no use or desire for porn. However, if I were in an unhappy relationship I might think differently. Saying something is linked does not necessarily mean one thing caused the other.

I also don't really entirely understand how porn could cause such insecurities in the first place. I don't know too many men who can make their dick gyrate, rotate, and vibrate, yet how many men are insecure over their wife's vibrator? If those insecurities are there, they are probably there for other reasons besides porn.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:21 PM

8. Who gets to define "negative" and "positive"? & Since we are talking about RELATIONSHIP here

how do we weight/reconcile similarities/differences in the negative- and positive-definitions of the two, or more, members of the relationship?

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:22 PM

9. Hey ladies: you can't fuck a picture.

You're good. You have home-field advantage.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:23 PM

10. Really detrimental to my relationship....

 

In fact, the main cause of the end of my marriage.

All the people I know that have long term, good marriages have one thing in common: NO PORN. Nothing stronger than Playboy and all of the guys still find their wives desirable.

I had a very hard time finding my wife desirable and found my way into more and more porn and self pleasure.

A Vicious circle it was.

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Response to Bennyboy (Reply #10)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:43 PM

19. I'm guessing your relationship had other issues

My first marriage was "destroyed by porn" according to my ex-wife. It was really destroyed by her massive self-absorption, entitlement and controlling nature. But acknowledging that would be difficult for her, so she blames porn.

My 2nd marriage is a "long term, good marriage". I've watched some porn during it. So has she, for that matter.

Excessive porn use is a sign of other problems, not the cause of problems.

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Response to jeff47 (Reply #19)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:01 PM

34. Well yes and no....

 

Too much of everything is just enough...

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:39 PM

11. If they were "discovering" it on the partners computer

then I bet I can tell you what the problem is, and it ain't the porn.

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Response to LadyHawkAZ (Reply #11)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:43 PM

12. BING! You win today's Nailed-It prize. nt

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:48 PM

13. Some women understand men.

.... and others do not. Women who think porn is there as a "substitute" or as a "model" for how they should look really don't understand men.

Men are constantly chastised for not making an effort to understand women. That works both ways.

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Response to sendero (Reply #13)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:13 AM

44. can you break it down for us?

 

sounds like you can!

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 03:54 PM

14. Porn is like alcohol.

Some enjoy it with no adverse effects.

Some couples enjoy it together, and it acutally enhances their relationship.

For others, it becomes an additction that eventually destroys everything the couple had together.

So it depends.

Those who say it is harmless can only speak for themselves.

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Response to dawg (Reply #14)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:17 PM

15. Totally

Problems happen when one person has an addictive personality and just cant get enough. That's when trouble brews. I know more than one marriage wrecked by porn.

So guys, if you are looking at harder and harder porn, just walk away or get help. Because you WILL be alone with no one else but the computer otherwise.

And ladies, make sure the dude you like does not have addictive personality unless you want high drama later.

On the other hand, if you go though the guys sh-t, it's over. You have no chance. If you have some kind of borderline personality/ pathological distrust or just have women's intuition, then just ask him. If the answer is not good enough, then you have the problem, not him. ( If he is dirty you already are dirty. He will come clean or you will find out anyway eventually. And if he is clean, you are clean). But, in any event, the moment you click "forward" of his email to your unbeknownst to him, or go through his phone. It's over. You ended it. Not him. Understand that.

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Response to musiclawyer (Reply #15)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:32 PM

18. Marriages "wrecked by porn" were wrecked by something else

Porn was just the convenient target to blame.

My ex-wife blames porn for "wrecking" our marriage. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with her massive self-absorption and controlling nature.

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Response to jeff47 (Reply #18)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:15 AM

45. aka

 

wanting your attention and trying to communicate with you?

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Response to ManyShadesOf (Reply #45)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:30 AM

47. Nope, but good try trying to blame me.

Some examples: I wasn't allowed to spend any money, yet she could purchase anything she wanted. I wasn't supposed to have a relationship with my parents and other family, because her relationship with her family was awful. Despite me working full-time, and her not even bothering to look for work, I was expected to do much of the housework - She was busy gaming, and reading explicit erotica on the Internet...oddly she felt that was completely different than watching porn on the Internet.

I assure you, we tried all sorts of communication, including with counselors. Oddly enough, she always wanted to switch counselors when they tried to talk about her issues.

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Response to jeff47 (Reply #47)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:33 AM

48. I'm sorry

 

wasn't trying to blame *you* - your story is your story. what you described (previously) can also be different points of view about who's zooming who. I hope you're doing better now.

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Response to dawg (Reply #14)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:23 PM

16. +1. nt

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:29 PM

17. Why does everyone believe women are the ones "hunting for evidence" of porn use?

We don't have "his" or "hers" computers here, we have a laptop and a desktop that we share interchangeably. Similarly we have used each other's phones to get numbers or text messages from each other.

Furthermore, I pay the bills. If a weird charge came up, I'd ask him about it. If it were porn, I'd know. If our internet usage suddenly went up, I'd similarly know.

So if my husband were into porn, yeah, I'd definitely discover it but it wouldn't be evidence that I was on the hunt. Lastly, if you have to "hide" the porn on a personal device so your partner or spouse doesn't know then the problem resides with YOU and not the partner if they come across it.

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Response to riderinthestorm (Reply #17)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 04:50 PM

20. Because when Dr. Phil has an episode about marriages destroyed by porn

It's always a wife hunting for evidence of porn use. And her "hunting" is always far more extreme than just paying the bills.

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Response to jeff47 (Reply #20)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 05:04 PM

23. Dr. Phil? Really? That's Your Source?

 

After reading this and your other comments on this thread, I think it is best if I say adios!

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Response to HangOnKids (Reply #23)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 05:10 PM

25. "Marriage destroyed by porn" is an extremely common daytime TV episode

The Dr. Phil reference is just for convenience.

And, more to the point, every time I've heard of a "marriage destroyed by porn", a little digging reveals there's other problems. The "excessive" porn use was an outlet for someone unhappy in the relationship because of those other problems.

Blaming the break-up on evil porn is a convenient excuse that renders both parties of the relationship blameless. The woman's a victim, and the man's a victim of the evil porn industry in the "standard" telling of this tale.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 05:10 PM

24. The cause of porn use

 

is the reason for many "unhappy relationships."

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 06:08 PM

27. From the article

The results showed that women who reported that their boyfriends or husbands looked at more pornography were less likely to be happy in their relationships than women who said their partners didn't look at pornography very often. When women were bothered by their partner's porn use, saying, for example, that they believed he was a porn addict or that he used porn more than a "normal" amount, they were also more likely to have low self-esteem and to be less satisfied with both their relationship and their sex life.

The findings showed that the statistical link between frequency of porn use and relationship dissatisfaction was partially explained by low self-esteem among the women in these relationships. But that doesn't prove that porn necessarily caused the women's self-esteem to drop. It's a chicken-and-egg problem, Stewart said: Women whose partners watch a lot of porn might begin to feel more insecure. Or women who feel bad about themselves might seek out or stay with porn-loving guys more often than secure women.

The study is limited to a youthful demographic, and most of the relationships were short-term, Stewart said. Because most of the couples weren't co-habitating, the women might not know how much porn their partners actually watched, she said.


I think a women's level of maturity might have an impact upon this too. In any case - they don't seem to know if one thing or another is corelation or causation. But yahoo knows how to get hits.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 07:29 PM

28. Am I the only woman who admits to watching porn?

Women/men, men/men, women/women porn? I have watched all of it. A lot of it is very fake, some of is good, and many of it is laughable. I don't care if my husband watches it. Your relationship is about your relationship and how you get along with that person every day. I could care less, actually. Porn is not threatening to me in any way.

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Response to Jennicut (Reply #28)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 08:34 PM

29. Well, good relationships are about respecting your partner....

I think people who say porn doesn't bother them are kind of fooling themselves.
I wouldn't want my partner to view that hard-core, demeaning shit, that's not the kind of person I want in my life.

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Response to Jennicut (Reply #28)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 11:47 PM

41. No.

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Response to Jennicut (Reply #28)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 01:12 AM

49. No, I'll admit it

& doubt that I'm the only woman who would. Has no effect that I can see on any relationship that I have.

I know without doubt that the guys I have seen or been with (even currently) watch porn - makes no difference to me. It actually IS all about the relationship & getting along. If a relationship is so fragile that porn can bring it down - then there are bigger problems in the relationship.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 08:37 PM

30. Is there a place where I could find this porn thing?

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Response to underpants (Reply #30)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 08:59 PM

32. Sure.

 

Here's a great porn site: REDACTED

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Response to underpants (Reply #30)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 10:56 PM

40. I've heard that you can use

the google on the interwebs to search for pron. But that may just be a rumor.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 08:54 PM

31. Ah, relationships and emotional turmoil...

 

I've never been with a woman who didn't watch porn. And absolutely never will for any reason. I don't need those kind of hangups in my personal life. We don't watch it excessively, just once in a while to spice things up.

The anti-porn squad is preoccupied in Meta at the moment. Boy will they be happy when they get wind of this thread.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:00 PM

33. I voted "mostly neutral" because its communication and expectations that matter, not porn.

Last edited Fri Jun 1, 2012, 11:47 PM - Edit history (1)

Best things for long term relationship happiness are honesty and open communication. If one partner likes to look at porn and the other one doesn't want them to, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out the few potential outcomes.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:04 PM

35. I think it depends on the people involved.

Porn is neutral in itself. People's reactions to it will vary.

I had a close friend once confide that he didn't feel comfortable in relationships, stating that his expectations were too high because of his mental ideal being a professional acrobat/sex worker. There are women whose self esteem may feel threatened by the barely-legals and their size 0 bodies.

Both examples are issues with much deeper roots than porn.

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Response to Ruby the Liberal (Reply #35)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:27 PM

39. "professional acrobat/sex worker"

 

There's a phrase I didn't expect to read today. That conjures up all kinds of images. None of them wholesome.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:08 PM

36. I chose none of the above

It all depends on the relationship.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:13 PM

37. Seems like you either do or don't...

Probably can't tell who views porn when they're walking down the street (unless he/she ducks into an adult store) anymore than
you can tell a spouse beater walking down the street. Seems to be a cultural, universal...just not for everyone.


Tikki

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Fri Jun 1, 2012, 09:20 PM

38. Let's see, was it the porn, or the alcohol, or the mood swings, or the violent temper...

or the unresolved damage of childhood abuse, or the lack of communication, or the cigarettes, or the depression, or the cheating? I'm not sure, but I don't think it was the porn.

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:06 AM

42. perhaps they're unhappy

 

with themselves



or not being able to give themselves head lol

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Response to RadiationTherapy (Original post)

Sat Jun 2, 2012, 12:27 AM

46. It can be addictive

If it becomes an obsession then it definitely can become a problem. I know a couple who's marriage ended and a big part of it was his porn addiction.

It's the obsession/addiction that is the problem, not so much the porn.

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