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Sun May 27, 2012, 02:52 PM

A Friends Confrontation at a Family Gathering About Supporting Romney. It Gets UGLY!

Sorry this post is so long.

A close friend of mine told me this story and I just had to share. Is it fair to call this person a typical Romney supporter?

A friend of mine had a small family get together yesterday and her Aunts house. Most her family is Republican but usually never talks politics. Well, all but one. A cousin and her husband just can not resist to tell everyone no matter where they go that they are proud Tea Party supporters. They can not go a minute without telling the crowd or anyone who is within ear shot how much they HATE Obama.My friend and her boyfriend have been together now for about 6 years and some in the family made it clear they feel she should be married or at least engaged. You see, my friend lives with her boyfriend and the family see this is them living in sin. This is very important because it comes up this weekend.So, my friend goes on to tell the story:

'Back in January we celebrated my Uncle's 75th Birthday and this cousin of mine talked about how much she and her husband supported Michelle Bachman and Rick Perry. Those were the two they supported and talked about how God Awful Mitt Romney was. They hated the fact that he was a Massachusetts Governor and his health plan was basically Obamacare. The things they said about Mitt were just terrible. They expressed their hate towards him the same as they do with Obama.

In March we got together again this time for my grandparent's 55th anniversary. This time she was throwing her support towards Rick Santorum. They liked Newt but didn't think he could win. They thought Mitt was shameless the way his big money trashed Newt. She went off again about how dishonest and mean Mitt Romney was and swore they would not vote or support such filth. Forget they she and her husband had supported Michelle Bachman and Rick Perry. No, pretend that never even happened. Now they were one hundred percent behind Rick Santorum and he was the ONLY ONE who could beat Obama. They tried to make people think they were behind Santorum all along. The way they trashed Romney was just over the top.

So, now flash forward to this past Saturday. Memorial Day weekend. Nice little family get together. My boyfriend and I were there not even 5 minutes when my cousin and her husband came over and started in. They spoke about how much they adore Mitt Romney and how he is going to beat Obama in November. I could not keep quiet. I reminded her about how much she hated Mitt and this cousin went off on me. She said that was not true. She claimed she supported Mitt a year ago and he has been the one they supported all along. She said she liked Bachman, Gingrich, Perry, and Santorum, but they were never strong enough to beat Obama. My boyfriend even stepped in and said no, he recalled just a couple months ago how much they both hated Romney. This was really pissing them both off. Both of them raised their voices and were getting visibly angry. My Mom came over,asked what the trouble was and I told her. She told me to stop talking politics and try and get them to calm down. My boyfriend just walked away and I changed the subject. They just bought a new house and I started asking them about the house and that seemed to work for a while. Although after about 20 minutes she went off on me about how I am a typical Obama supporter who has to lie. She repeated the claim they she and her hubby have supported Romney since day one. What pissed her off was she then went around telling people how her and boyfriend were lying about her. She said she was secretly campaigning for Obama here at a family event by lying about them not supporting Romney when they said they did.

Then she began asking them when they were going to get married. She reminded everyone that they were living in sin. She asked her boyfriend if he really loved her cousin and then began asking questions trying to hint to everyone that he might be gay. She began asking us questions that were personal, cruel, and inappropriate.Then she came back to bashing Obama and telling everyone how she was lying claiming that she said all these terrible things about Romney. She said they were lies and claimed she never said a bad word about Romney. She was not letting up and no one in the family was asking her to stop or coming to our defense.So, after about 40 minutes,we left. When we left no one really said good bye or acted like they wanted us to stay. To me and my boyfriend it was clear why we were leaving so early.

We went out to eat and then to a movie. I got over it pretty fast thanks to my boyfriend. He knew how to take my mind off things. Still, I was angry and pissed. I felt like I should have said more in my defense and called out some of the lies she was saying about Obama and the Democrats. Then I thought of something.

Back in January and March, my boyfriend took his camera and shot the 75th Birthday of my Uncle and the 55th anniversary of my grandparents. It took no time to find, on both occasions we found footage of both my cousin and her husband BASHING Romney like you would never believe. The video does not lie. You can clearly see her and her husband. You can clearly hear them. I don't remember this but at one point she even made a clear death threat. We counted on both occasions and she praised Bachman and Perry and said ONE OF THOSE TWO WERE GOING TO BE THE NOMINEE. Then she bashed Romney something awful. Then, we have on tape her saying SANTORUM WILL BE THE NOMINEE, THERE IS JUST NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. She then bashed Romney something awful including a very disgusting slur towards him that even I was offended by. Between the two, we had 17 minutes of her bashing Romney.

Now, I want to upload it and send it to EVERYONE on Facebook and who was there Saturday. My boyfriend says if I do, I can NEVER go to another family gathering again. Don't know what to do.'

That's her story. I can't tell her what to do but I hope she does. She said she will send it to me if she does and if so I will post it here.

So, is this a typical Romney supporter or what?

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Reply A Friends Confrontation at a Family Gathering About Supporting Romney. It Gets UGLY! (Original post)
romantico May 2012 OP
XanaDUer May 2012 #1
hedgehog May 2012 #2
Wounded Bear May 2012 #3
Siwsan May 2012 #4
romantico May 2012 #8
RainDog May 2012 #29
OutNow May 2012 #5
Frank Cannon May 2012 #53
sibelian May 2012 #6
marlakay May 2012 #7
Frustratedlady May 2012 #18
dana_b May 2012 #9
coalition_unwilling May 2012 #10
jp11 May 2012 #24
dballance May 2012 #11
southernyankeebelle May 2012 #12
rufus dog May 2012 #13
Spazito May 2012 #15
Gidney N Cloyd May 2012 #17
rufus dog May 2012 #31
Spazito May 2012 #32
leftynyc May 2012 #40
Grey May 2012 #14
Jim Lane May 2012 #41
WingDinger May 2012 #16
Warpy May 2012 #19
Trajan May 2012 #20
Narkos May 2012 #21
CTyankee May 2012 #22
lumberjack_jeff May 2012 #23
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MelungeonWoman May 2012 #56
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Habibi May 2012 #25
LiberalAndProud May 2012 #27
L0oniX May 2012 #28
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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 02:56 PM

1. You're very patient

I would have told both of themto fuck off to their faces, then had a martini.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 02:59 PM

2. I'd just go see another movie.

Shit stirring just makes everyone smelly!

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:01 PM

3. IDK about a "Romney supporter,"......

but it sounds a lot like a typical Republican. No class or sense of empathy for others, and very short memories....especially about their own actions and words.

I can't make a recommendation, because of the whole "never go to a family gathering again" thing, which is very likely. But some people need to be outed for their lies. Really, really, really need it.

Best wishes whatever your decision, but it doesn't sound like those gatherings are all that great, anyway, especially if it is dominated by assholes like you described.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:04 PM

4. I've found it easier to avoid my tea party cousins

I have the double barrel problem of them also being hard core, old school, 'we're the only true religion and everyone else is going to hell' catholics. You can go in with the best intentions of avoiding socio/political conversations but my experience is, they can't help themselves from throwing in the digs. My first instinct is to react, which only pours fuel on the fire. So, the less I see of them, the better.

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Response to Siwsan (Reply #4)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:10 PM

8. Reminder

Just to be clear, this did not happen to me. It was a friend of mine. She was upset and she knows my politics,which is why I think she called to vent. She knew her cousins politics and her being a liberal Democrat tends to make Republicans angry. I think what did it was she reminded her that she hated Romney a few months ago and did not want her to remind anyone of that so she tried to discredit her.

Very petty. I told her she should send that video around and tell her cousin, "When someone accuses me of being a liar, I have to stand up to myself and prove them wrong!" Her cousin started this NOT HER. IMO, she should go to every family gathering and remind her cousin that SHE IS A LAIR of she dares bring up politics again. Not sure if she see's it like I do.

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Response to romantico (Reply #8)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:37 PM

29. she should sent it to her cousin privately

and tell her cousin to shut the fuck up - and if her cousin continues to harass her around her relatives, she will post the video for all relatives to see - who know about the recent event.

And, yeah, I could definitely use the words, "shut the fuck up, you lying sack of shit." because I would not want to have anything more to do with that person. I would cut the cords.

because, honestly, what benefit is it to your friend to have that asshole in her life?

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:08 PM

5. Posting the video will not make any difference

If these people are anything like my BIL it will make absolutely no difference if they post the entire video. The baggers will just insist that the video was faked by the evil Obama supporters, taken out of context, etc. I had an email from my BIL where he insisted that Obama would lose in 2008 in a landslide. After the election I passed that email around to the family and the BIL said he never sent that email and that I created it just to make him look bad. In addition, after being a loud mouthed asshole for many months before the election, he then said that I was picking on him and he felt like I was threatening him.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

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Response to OutNow (Reply #5)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:41 AM

53. "Taken out of context" is now the classic dodge.

My response is always, "Well, then, in exactly what context should it be taken?"

This usually results in either angry silence or (more likely) an immediate change of subject.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:08 PM

6. I think she should do it.


It sounds like her family is a problem. I have to say I would ditch them. There comes a stage when the family bonds are tested so thoroughly and so disgustingly by certain memebrs that they just snap. This would be one of those occasions, for me.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:09 PM

7. I would send it only because no one supported you

which would make me feel like they all agreed with them. Hypocrites need to be shown what they are.

If you constantly hold stuff in about family over years it will add up. I am not big on confrontation and let a lot of stuff go for a bunch of years that my step mom would do or say and after my dad died she contested the will she agreed to when he was alive. I spent many years angry and bitter and it wasn't worth it. She was a mean drunk and would lie all the time about me. Having lies told about you does effect you big time!

I wish now I had confronted her at family gatherings and been real even if it meant a split in the family. Its not good to hold stuff in. I did confront her once alone when she went over the top and didn't go to my dads house for two years he came to see me. It was hard on my dad so after she said sorry "if" I did something I don't remember I went back. I hate someone using that as an excuse so it bothered me when Romney said it. I always thought she did remember.

Maybe some people can blow things off but my personality isn't like that, I am more sensitive. So it would depend on how your friend is.

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Response to marlakay (Reply #7)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:07 PM

18. Your next to last sentence is the difference.

I think the Tea Baggers cannot be sensitive to others, whereas the Democrats tend to take care of others.

That is one thing that really burns the Republicans because they can't stand the food stamp program, SS/Medicare (unless they are on it) or any other program that helps those in need. They are afraid the Blacks are lying around and drawing THEIR hard-earned money to live on. They don't realize that the majority of people drawing food stamps are whites. (I think I'm right on that.)

You will never convince them that they are wrong. I've come to the point where if a friend or relative makes a statement about Obama or the Democrats that isn't true, I reply with, "Hmmm, you must watch FOX News or listen to Rush." End of political talk.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:12 PM

9. I don't know if they are "typical" anything but

they are obnoxious and rude. I don't understand why your friend puts up with their insults though. I know it is family but maybe the next time she sees them and they start in on her and her boyfriend they could just turn around and walk away. If someone acted like that towards me I would ask them politely to stop and if they continued I would turn around, walk away and ignore them for the rest of the event.

I think if she posts those videos that she is going to start a family war. I would advise against it.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:23 PM

10. If your friend's family won't back her after the video offers indisputable proof of the correctness

 

Last edited Sun May 27, 2012, 05:15 PM - Edit history (2)

of your friend's memory, then that family isn't really worth keeping, imo.

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Response to coalition_unwilling (Reply #10)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:59 PM

24. Sadly agree. The friend gets 'called out' for talking politics and it would be obvious

that this couple ignores that 'rule' all the time to any family member that attends those meetups. To then let them both go around trashing your friend and no one tells them to shutup and stop being disruptive through all the personal attacks, insults, rude questions etc.

I don't see how your friend would want to be in contact with those people. I mean the ones that matter, mom/dad maybe, I don't know the relationships, but why bother with the extended family and everyone else who tolerates that horrible couple.

You don't get to pick your family, but you do get to choose how you let them treat you, I'd rather have good friends I chose over bad or apathetic family members in my life that tacitly condone that behavior.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:26 PM

11. Not Sure I Could Stop Myself From Sending

Or posting to FaceBook. Seems like the family functions are not all that fun anyway.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:36 PM

12. You will never reason with these people. They would say you doctor the film. They all

 

know they are lying anyway. I will tell you this much in the future make it a point to tell the family you will not discuss politics,religion and living in sin. So as they start walk away and if they continue leave. That is how I dealth with my family. Before I go to visit them that is the first thing I tell them. I coming to visit them from a distances. It works.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:37 PM

13. How about she just sends it to her obnoxious cousin

Not the entire group.

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Response to rufus dog (Reply #13)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:47 PM

15. That's not a bad suggestion, I would add this though...

The OP's friend send the videos showing what was said by the cousin and stating she expects an apology from the cousin and cc'd to the family members who were at the Memorial Day get-together and ending with something like 'If you feel unable or unwilling to apologize for calling me and my boyfriend a liar then I have little choice other than to send these videos to the family members myself so they know we are NOT liars'.

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Response to Spazito (Reply #15)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:01 PM

17. Bingo.

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Response to Spazito (Reply #15)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:46 PM

31. Possible

Does it matter though? I would guess most other guests knew the cousin was lying. They didn't stick up for your friend so she shouldn't expect them to do much about an email.

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Response to rufus dog (Reply #31)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:53 PM

32. I guess it depends what the real issue is, imo...

Is it being called a liar over and over again by the cousin to anyone who would listen and a need to set the record straight, via the videos, so the truth is on record or is it something else?

My thinking was it was a way of addressing the issue such that it gives the cousin the chance to own up herself yet makes it clear that if the cousin chooses not to, again, own up then the videos will be shared proving the OP's friend and her boyfriend were not the liars. As to whether any of the other guests care, well, either way they will know the truth, what they do with it is up to them.

Just my take on it.

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Response to Spazito (Reply #15)

Sun May 27, 2012, 10:20 PM

40. Agree

Give the cousins a chance to do the right thing - your friend is already on the high ground but for family, it's always better to go the extra mile. But if they insist stupid shit like your friend doctored the tape or anything like that, send it to everyone who was there. She and her boyfriend have the right to defend themselves.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:41 PM

14. If this were a poll,

I would vote send...
What is the quote, for evil will flourish when good men remain silent..?

No, that's not right but I think you know what I mean.

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Response to Grey (Reply #14)

Sun May 27, 2012, 10:26 PM

41. The quotation you have in mind

I thought it was from Edmund Burke, but it turns out to be disputed.

From Wikiquote:

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. This is probably the most quoted statement attributed to Burke, and an extraordinary number of variants of it exist, but all without any definite original source. These very extensively used remarks may be based on a paraphrase of some of Burke's ideas, but he is not known to have ever declared them in so succinct a manner in any of his writings. They may have been adapted from these lines of Burke's in his Thoughts on the Cause of Present Discontents (1770): "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."


There's more on the subject, with some links, at Wikiquote -- http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Edmund_Burke#Disputed -- if you want to make an intensive study of the subject.

Anyway, leaving Edmund Burke out of it, I would also send the video, just because it would be a hoot.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 03:48 PM

16. An email, stating that video will be shown, if EVER again, the fools call her a liar.

 

Or spout their propaganda. And it will be available, if anyone doubts it. State that she has been patient, but was hurt that noone told them to shut the fuck up.
She will not tolerate those in her family using her as a punching bag, neither politically, or morally. She has held her tongue, even though she finds Teabaggers ignorant, and abrasive, so the least they can do, is keep their ignorance to themselves.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:21 PM

19. Not a typical Rmoney supporter but certainly a typical teabagger

Their memories are very convenient.

Since the bully went on full personal attack, I'd go ahead and post the footage. Either she'll poke the crazy hard enough that the bully will boycott those family things or she'll be disinvited to them.

It sounds like a real win-win situation to me.

Your friend can visit the people she likes when there isn't the pressure of a crowd or the bully can do the same.'

I have a real problem with bullies who lie right to my face and then go into tirades. I will hit back, any way I can. It's the only thing a bully will ever understand, a real or rhetorical bloody nose.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:28 PM

20. I would post it so THEY know other family members can see it ....

Let the family steep in the facts ..... I dont appreciate bald faced liars, and I see nothing wrong with publicly exposing their lies ...

If they are willing to yell and scream about their own righteousness in a family setting, then there is nothing wrong with introducing culpable evidence that clears YOUR reputation, while placing their reputation as 'honest brokers of truth' rightly into the loo ...

I would post it, and bring copies to the next family gathering, just in case anybody missed it ...

NEVER fear the truth ... and never let Tea party assholes get away with lying about themselves ....

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:46 PM

21. Don't do it . You WILL regret it n/t

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:53 PM

22. I'm not sure what you will really accomplish except revenge.

I have learned -- late in life, but better late than never -- that sometimes there are family things you just can't do anything about, except avoid at all costs. I've given up trying with members of my husband's family (and so has he) after YEARS of trying to find some kind of accord somewhere. I realize now that it was doomed from the start.

Go your own way with your partner. You'll have more peace of mind. Forget them. Please take it from me, a sadder but wiser person...

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 04:58 PM

23. Upload it to youtube and go to the next family gathering wearing an Obama t-shirt.

But then again, my approach to family is comparable to my approach to politics. "This is me. I don't need you to like it."

In my experience people respect directness and honesty. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Your cousin's kind of bullying will eventually prevent you from going to another family gathering anyway, so what do you have to lose?

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Response to lumberjack_jeff (Reply #23)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:18 PM

26. I prefer your approach .... I think most of these posts show that Democrats have no spine ....

How on earth are we to retain any significant measure of integrity if we allow others to lie so publicly, without their being held to a minimum standard of honesty ? ....

I would QUICKLY post that video, AND bring copies with me, alongside the potato salad and corn on the cobs, while wearing the Obama T-Shirt ....

OK ... I might not wear the Obama T-Shirt, but that video and other like it are going up immediately ....

You wanna lie about your own statements ? ..... Sorry, not on my watch ....

Unless you are my momma or grannie and you are on your death bed, you will see this video clip.

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Response to lumberjack_jeff (Reply #23)

Mon May 28, 2012, 09:25 AM

56. Absolutely agree...

There is nothing to gain by trying to appease people who enjoy being jerks. If she posts the video for everyone to see, that couple will avoid her like the plague at the next function.

I told a very close family member with similar viewpoints to fuck off 20 years ago and I've never regretted it. Life is too short for bullshit.

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Response to lumberjack_jeff (Reply #23)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:03 PM

61. That's what I was thinking

These people make the family gatherings stressful by bringing it up - ban the cousin, not the couple.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:08 PM

25. I'm very sorry for your friend's experience.

Nothing quite like getting blindsided by a psycho zombie from hell.

If she still wants to attend family gatherings which this crazy person will also be attending, I'd say she needs to detach herself emotionally from the drama this person will try to create. This is not easy, but with practice, it can be done.

Humor often helps to defuse such situations: changing the subject ("Nice froth, Mary!"), or making a piss-off-the-psycho game of it: "Say, I've heard that people who are obsessed with other people's sexuality are closeted gays, what do you think about that?" or making up bingo cards to show everybody how many times Mary said the word "socialist". A little public shaming isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But of course, some people will not be dissuaded from their insanity.

The cousin sounds utterly toxic. Unless your friend can find a way to maintain her own equilibrium at such gatherings, it might be wise for her to decline to appear.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:27 PM

27. It would be impossible for me not to send it to cousin with a note

"Don't EVER call me a liar again". I think I'd keep the rest of the family out of it, as that seems to have been their position in the dust up. Seems they wanted to be left out of it.

But really, would it be so bad to be banned from the family gatherings?

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:30 PM

28. I would post it on Youtube and email everyone of them a link to it...

and never talk or respond to them again. Some people need to learn to STFU for fear of exposing their stupidity.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:42 PM

30. Offer to send a copy of the video to the Romney campaign since it

so clearly shows the nature of their support for him.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 05:56 PM

33. Here's an alternative solution.

Upload the video, edited to only the relevant bits, to your phone or to a dvd. At the next family gathering, give the cousin a chance to walk back having called you a liar.

"On memorial day, you called me a liar for pointing out that you didn't support Romney. That hurt my feelings".

Because she's a republican, she will of course double down and get screechy and call you a liar again. At this point you produce the dvd and play it for the family.

"Unless you apologize right now in a manner that I find sincere for calling me a liar and for being a liar yourself, I'm posting this to youtube."

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 06:55 PM

34. Start a discussion about the incident on Facebook.

When she calls you a liar again post it.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 09:01 PM

35. She should do what feels right to her.

That said, I think she is entirely justified in sending the video to everyone who was at the gathering. Not to get even, but specifically because her cousin accused her of lying, in front of the whole group, and no one disagreed. Therefore IMO it's a matter of setting the record straight.

Now of course family relationships come into it as well, that's why she should do what feels right to her and not feel that she has to send it out because someone else thinks it's a good idea.

If it was me, ... Well, who knows. My extended family is more liberal than not, so I have not had to deal with that. Except for my brother, who is religious and conservative. I remember years ago, when Bill Clinton was President, soon after the Monica Lewinsky affair and the impeachment and all that crap. We were going to a family gathering and my brother started in on what a harridan Hillary Clinton was, and I just looked at him and said, Careful now, you're going to be giving Bill an excuse for what he did. Shut him right up -- we didn't talk about anything political for the rest of the evening.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 09:19 PM

36. Probably not worth starting a major family fight over.

The cousin and her husband seem to be the main problem and I'd advise to never discuss politics with them regardless of what they say.

The other alternative is to prove to other members of the family that this cousin and her husband have lied but then that drags everyone into the fight of which there may be no return.

Would that be worth it? Some here seem to suggest that it would be but then they are not the ones who are going to have to deal with the aftermath.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 09:34 PM

37. If it were me

I'd send the tape to everyone.
She called you a liar.
Them's fighting' words.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 09:46 PM

38. DO IT!

 

These people will NEVER learn to live in reality unless they are humiliated and proven to be liars.

When it comes to angry, mindless, ignorant, combative, lying hypocrites I have ZERO tolerance or sympathy. Personally, I would not hesitate to post the videos with a detailed explanation of why I was posting them and I would include an encouragement for the liars to 'seek professional psychological help and anger management'.

They will hate her because they cannot grow the hell up and live in reality.

So it really depends on whether she wants to be invited to family events again.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 10:19 PM

39. Maybe not a typical Romney supporter but definitely a typical Obama hater

Maybe she should send the video to everyone but her aunt and uncle. That would set the record straight with the rest of the family and avoid having to deal with the aunt and uncle's fallout. Chances are very good that no one would tell the aunt and uncle about it for the same reason. The aunt is probably the family bully which is why no one tried to intervene.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Sun May 27, 2012, 10:31 PM

42. My guess? She'll just deny having ever called you a liar

And follow that up with "Mitt's still better than some Stalinist Kenyan Antichrist.". And then the family, for the sake of "peace" will take you to task for having riled her up, and in the end, you'll still end up the loser.

Of course, if it was me, I'd send the damn tape to everyone in the family anyway. If I'm going to be wrong anyway, I might as well be wrong with the facts.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 07:07 AM

43. The best advice I can give is to

 

get a new family.

Life is to short to put up with 'people' like that even if they are biologically related.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 07:31 AM

44. I would talk to the host of the gatherings

& tell them I was no longer able to attend future parties. I felt that My boyfriend & I were under continued attack & no longer felt welcome. We do love our family members & enjoy seeing them, but unless everyone could keep things civil, we would be spending our time elsewhere.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 07:48 AM

45. That's one heck of a story!!!

I'm sorry you had to type it in!!!

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 07:55 AM

46. Please find a good continuity editor.

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Response to GeorgeGist (Reply #46)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:15 AM

49. She didn't want to admit that she was talking about herself.

She slipped out of passive voice a few times.

Doesn't mean the story is BS.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:10 AM

47. Tell your friend: Next time YOU host the party. Be sure to show home movies...

Don't home movies go hand in hand with family gatherings?





Laura


Edited for clarity!!!

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:12 AM

48. Post It!

Stop tiptoeing around TYRANTS!

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:16 AM

50. i hate to say this -- but to me -- your friend isn't very important to her family.

1st -- before the 'disagreement' -- if this person's mom and other family members holds thoughts and feeling that the couple are 'living in sin' -- WHOA -- stop the presses -- somebody is being treated as less than a real person right there.
6 years is a long time -- the gentlemen should be treated as a SIL.

what mother stands by -- idle -- when another family member calls her daughter a liar, etc?
my notion is this -- everyone knows the teabagger couple is creepy -- but some how they are being given standing?
why?

i would tell my friend post the videos with the title 'i am not a liar'
and i would also tell her to have a long, long talk with her mother -- and make her understand that she is nothing less than a human being and will be treated with repect or family get togethers will be with out her.

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Response to xchrom (Reply #50)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:52 PM

67. I agree. The mom needs to stand up for this couple.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:17 AM

51. Send it.

NEVER back down to Teabagger scum. EVER.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:23 AM

52. POST THE VID AT ONCE, but first, send it *just* to them, and let them see for themselves...

Then, like five minutes later, post it for everyone.

Say you don't take kindly to being called a liar. They said what they said and WORDS MEAN THINGS.

Throw their own rhetoric right back at them.

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Response to LaydeeBug (Reply #52)

Mon May 28, 2012, 08:47 AM

54. Yup..........

exactly, words mean things.

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Response to LaydeeBug (Reply #52)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:05 PM

62. Exactly the way to do it.

It probably won't shame them though, because they sound shameless.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 09:02 AM

55. She should post the incrimminating video.

Biting one's tongue for the purpose of not offending offensive people only encourages the bullies. Don't back down.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 09:39 AM

57. Do it for you

If someone trashed you like that, speak the truth. It doesn't matter if they listen or if anyone else does. You do it for you.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 10:01 AM

58. The family is dysfunctional and this episode is just a symptom of it.

I believe the boyfriend is in far better position to offer advice as to what to do then anyone here. He doesn't seem to be arguing against the idea of uploading the video on Facebook but he is giving a clear picture of the consequences of such an action.

I'm just guessing but I think the cousin is the kind of person who will retaliate, if you send the video(s), and your own mother will be dragged into this.

My advice is to talk this over with your boyfriend. He knows your family, and you, better then anyone here.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 10:31 AM

59. Send the stuff, they are the ones who made you feel uncomfortable at the family event...

Screw 'em.

I had the same kind of reaction when I ran for the statehouse as a democrat with some family friends and MrsWGreen's republican family.

They always felt it okay to start the conversation by Bashing Clinton and what not, always attacking and then whenever I started in on the GOP, they would claim that I was "talking" politics and that it made them uncomfortable. Finally, I said you brought it up, not me so just stop it.

I walked out and didn't go back until a few years after.

I didn't miss them but I sure as hell wasn't going to get blind sided so I just smiled and walked away when they started in.

The last time I said out loud as I walked away, "why do people insist on talking about politics where ever they go. Can't people just enjoy a party without talking aboutpolitics..."

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:00 PM

60. Is there some chance it is the tea partier who won't go to family reunions again?

They seem to be the ones to start it. Whoever brings up politics at family gatherings is the bad guy, IMO anyway.

I'd say focus on how much they are stressing the events with their politics and show them up for the liars they are - they are the ones making the gathering unpleasant.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:08 PM

63. Those people are mentally damaged...

Very common repuke teahadist behavior, PROJECTION. Your obviously not lying, they are the ones doing the lying and so they project that upon you. I just get back in their shit and let'em have it.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:15 PM

64. They are just like their newfound candidate

Pathalogical liars. Rmoney will say one thing, and the next thing you know, he is saying the exact opposite. Just like your friend's tea-bagging relatives.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:21 PM

65. I think the family is perfectly aware of what kind of person she is

Whether she has an actual mental illness like borderline personality disorder or is just a drama queen, I think everybody knows what kind of person she is and they don't get involved because they know it's pointless. And I'm sure it is pointless--do these sound like the behaviors and words of a stable person?

I would tell anybody who asked that I had video of her saying the things she claims not to have said, show them if they ask, and leave it at that. (I would also avoid family gatherings that included her.) The family is probably just as weary of her as your friend is. They already know who's right and who isn't.

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Response to romantico (Original post)

Mon May 28, 2012, 12:41 PM

66. I'd say it depends on a lot of factors.

To answer the last question, given that probably somewhere around half (hopefully significantly less) of voting Americans will be supporting Romney, I don't think we can generalize about what a typical supporter is. This person sounds just generally toxic, and I can tell you that even the most thoroughly liberal families have their toxic and dysfunctional individuals. Also, from the way the offending cousin's behavior is described, I'm curious if she was drunk--though I know personally there are plenty of people who would behave in such an awful way sober.

Sending out the video would be vindicating, no doubt, but it would be a definite escalation of the conflict, and I highly doubt that the cousin will be humbled or admit wrongdoing--she will just change the goal posts, because that is what people like this do. Pursuing a just or satisfying relationship with this person is pointless, so I would just let her stew in her clearly very damaged juices. The question is what this person wants to do about the rest of the family. Is your friend an out and out pariah? Are there family members that she trusts and loves more than others? I realize there are political and moral divisions between her and the majority of the family, but I also know that there are plenty of people who are my "political opponents" who have been immensely supporting and loving to me, and who I would not want to antagonize out of my life. I can brush the political differences under the rug and focus on the things that connect us, mostly because I live in the kind of small town where you have to do that to get by, but I know that isn't true for everyone. I also know that in a situation where you are constantly being judged or made a pariah by your family, the people whose approval you often most want to have, sometimes you just have to cut ties.

I think if your friend was hurt enough by this event that it is going to have an impact on her relationship with her family, and if that relationship is not something she wants to sacrifice, perhaps she should reach out to just one or two of the family members that she trusts most and express how much the behavior of her cousin, as well as the silence of the rest of the family, hurt her and made her unwilling to come to future gatherings. She needs to be clear that it is not about political beliefs, because that is a battle she will not win; this is about family respecting her and standing up for her when vicious and hurtful things are said.

In a sense, posting the video is giving in to the idea that your cousin has some credibility in accusing you of lying. You don't need a video to "prove" that you are telling the truth. The bottom line is that your family should take you at your word. You have the dignity and the right to expect their faith, trust, and respect without having to justify yourself. If they don't trust you inherently, they are not worth your time or your mental or emotional energy in the first place.

I definitely don't recommend posting the video on YouTube--think of all the personal family conflicts that have gone "viral."

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