Apology to my friends here on DU

[The Straight Story]

I have been a little snippy of late to some here.

Over the last 20 years I have not been with my kids on Christmas morning, my EXs and someone else has been. I was with my daughter for part of those years but the last few I have not been. She has been with her mom and her mom's new husband.

I have 5 kids and have spent a lot of my Christmas mornings alone. Have watched one daughter grow up online and she does not even know who I am (though she will when she is 18).

It was hard to wake up this morning, again, alone. My daughter is finally here and we have played some games. But I had no gifts because I won't have any money until I go back to work this week, what little money I did get I gave to her mom (and she was able to buy her Christmas gifts and pay bills).

My current X never understood why Christmas was so hard for me, didn't get why not seeing your kids on this day (and all others, but especially this one) was so painful to me.

Things will get better. My son is home from Iraq and moving back here soon and I will be living with him and we have big plans for next Christmas.

I got no gifts, could give none, and there was no Christmas dinner with family. I'll be lucky to have enough to put in my gas tank to get to work next week and my X needs money for gas as well to get to her state hearing for her benefits - without them she loses her medical coverage and cannot afford her meds (she has Parkinson's and rheumatoid arthritis). I nearly lost my job, and might still, but with any luck I will be back to work on Tuesday. If my Dr. does not write me an excuse for the last week I will probably be jobless by the end of the year.

I just wanted a simple life. A wife, kids, etc. And just when I had it - I lost it. Again.

The only gift I wanted was to be able to do for them. And I could not because of some decision by a Dr. So many folks rely on me, and I have been too ill to be my best. It is frustrating.

Next year will be better. But today sucked. I tried hard to just make it ok. But I woke up again alone while others woke up to see my kids open their gifts. I am happy for them and their moms and that they got to experience Christmas morning - but I miss being a part of it.

[BootinUp]

1. I would say, don't worry about it.

you obviously have a lot on your mind. Hope next year is better for you. I sorta know what you are going through.

[Skittles]

2. wishing a better new year for you, TSS

right now think of getting ready to host your boy, back from Iraq - yes INDEED

[MichiganVote]

3. Good to lay down your burdens on others sometimes. Hope your new year is better.

[WingDinger]

4. You are one of those Obama and Dems were talking about that 40 bucks a week helps.

Feel full of cheer, that Occupy has made this year so much brighter than last year. All our issues heard and truly mulled. Vs. irrational provincial folks dominating every news cycle.

You have lots of company playing unintended scrooge. It sucks. Sorry.

[cthulu2016]

5. Glad you'll get to hang with your son.

[grasswire]

6. I hear you, and I see your pain, friend.

A family member of mine was also alone on Christmas Day. He hasn't seen his daughters for nearly two years, due to a bitter custody dispute and a family court system that will not bother itself to act.

Note: parental alienation (denying visitation, hampering communication) is very real, and it is child abuse.

My sympathies to all those dads out there who were alone today. Let's agree that next year will be better for you and for the kids.

If you are on facebook, you can find community at the page for fathers and families.

On the net, find them at www.fathersandfamilies.org.

[cherokeeprogressive]

7. Most times your love is the best gift you can possibly give.

I have no doubt about your capacity for showing love to those people most important to you.

It sounds like you and your Son are already optimistic for next Christmas and I sincerely hope it works out like you want it to. Who knows what the future holds? Sometimes the best we can do is cross our fingers and hope.

I've crawled out of bed on Christmas Day alone before, with no prospects for spending it with friends or family. Not fun.

I'm pulling for you Bro. I know you have a big heart and hopefully some of what you send around comes around in the coming year.

[nadinbrzezinski]

8. I get it... and this time of year

can suck...



Merry Christmas

PS if next year you need a shoulder... or somebody to listen to you... don't hesitate

[unionworks]

9. You aren't alone

Hang in there!

[calimary]

10. It will get better, TSS. We love you!

And when you feel down, you can certainly vent here.

[tblue]

11. Lean on us, sweetie.

That's what we're here for. One big nutty family.

You are incredibly strong but you don't have to apologize if you ever feel you're not meeting your own high standards. You are ALWAYS forgiven and embraced here.

Hugs to you.

xox....

[lumberjack_jeff]

12. Tough love is still love.

You need to start looking out for you. Your own unmet needs take first place in line.

You don't have a responsibility for your ex-wife. She's a member of society who deserves its help. That's the limit of your responsiblity.

Without the weight of the world on your shoulders, your health will improve, your state of mind will improve, your priorities will change and you'll be better able to help people who need help because your own needs will be met.

In my experience, bad things still occasionally happen to people who look out for themselves*, but they have greater bandwidth to help others who are in need and rarely become doormats in the process.

*("looking out for yourself" shouldn't have such negative connotations. You can't effectively help others unless you have resources surplus to your own needs. Trying to help others at the expense of your own needs only creates deprivation and helplessness.)

[Liberal_in_LA]

13. Sorry your xmas wasn't so great

[webDude]

14. Hang in there, sounds like better things are on the way with your Son.

[roguevalley]

15. this is the first Christmas in five years that I could feel happy. I know what you are saying about

this. But I know things will get better. You will have your time. It will come. I wish I could say more but all of us are on our own path. Don't be discourage, don't be hopeless. You will be alright. If I didn't believe that I could not go on. Take care and know that what you give of YOU means more than things. Hugs to you, dear straight story.

[joshcryer]

16. Haven't noticed the snippiness, TSS. Hope things improve soon for you.

No need to apologize, my friend. I enjoy your threads immensely, especially the weird stories and the various smoking debates... psst, I don't participate because they can get crazy!

[Alcibiades]

17. Hope you're doing better

All you can do is to try to be the best father you can, given the limitations of your circumstances.

[Horse with no Name]

18. I'm so sorry

I hope things can be better for you soon.

My Christmas sucked and I was with a houseful of people wishing I could just be by myself .

I am thankful your son is coming home.
Hugssss.