When I was a young man, I participated in some bullying. I remember it as clear as day.

[Stinky The Clown]

It was after I got out of the Navy and joined the Reserves. There was a young man (who had still not gone to active duty) who was an E3. I was a badass E5 with a hashmark. It was a gang of us who had all recently come back from the active fleet. There was no physical bullying. Instead, it was mean, cruel, relentless name calling and teasing.

One night, at a weekly drill, the target of our anti social behavior cried as we were being called to attention.

We all saw that. After the drill, out in the parking, some of my fellow perps got together and we decided we would never do that again. Some continued it.

I still regret having done it in the first place, and I still regret not taking up for the kid we bullied when the bullying continued without us.

That was someplace around 1970. I STILL remember everyone's name. I remember the guy we teased. I can still see his face that night. I felt like shit then and, even all these years later, I can still fell like shit thinking about it. And think about it I do. Quite frequently and for odd reasons.

When I heard about Willard participating in a similar event, I was caused to think about it again.

I will say unequivocally Willard is a fucking liar if he says he doesn't remember that.

But what if he does, in fact, not remember? That says even more about his sociopathy. I can't imagine doing what we did and being able to blow it off, down my personal memory hole.

Fuck you, Willard, you entitled perfumed prince. Fuck you.

[PADemD]

1. Are you going to find the victim and apologize?

[enough]

2. So right. One remembers one's own cruelties from childhood and youth

much more vividly than the cruelties that were inflicted upon oneself.

My memories of when I was mean to other kids goes back now into the 1950's. I was never violent or vicious, just "went along" sometimes when the ever-shifting "in crowd" was being nasty to the ever-shifting "outcast." I remember HATING to have to go to school and see myself not being brave enough to stand up and walk away from all that, to change it somehow. Eventually I figured it out.

The fact that Romney says he doesn't remember this stuff is even more frightening to me than the fact that he did it. As a human being, this is true deadness of soul, not to remember one's own transgressions against others and learn from them.

[JHB]

3. My dad participated in a "clipping party" like Mitt's...

...in his college dorm. This was about the mid 1950s. I know he remembers it, because the story comes up (at least within my earshot) about once a decade. I just wish he'd remember it a little less fondly.

This was hair-related too (it was "too long&quot , but he never used any homophobic slurs when retelling, so that didn't seem to enter into his case. It was the more general motive of singling out someone who was being mildly nonconformist and physically coercing him into line.

[Spider Jerusalem]

4. That's quite honestly WORSE than what Romney did.

Considerably worse. The kid in Romney's case could have fought back. The kid you were bullying? Couldn't. Striking a non-commissioned officer is a punishable offence under Article 91 of the UCMJ; if he'd decided to stand up for himself he would have been facing the brig, a summary court-martial and probably a bad-conduct discharge.

[EOTE]

17. Romney physically assaulted his victim.

In spite of the power difference, the OP didn't seem to do anything like that.

I think the difference between verbal and physical abuse is very significant.

[nadinbrzezinski]

28. Did this E-5 physically assault

That Sailor with a deadly weapon?

Not quite.

You are correct in what the UCMJ says, but let's take this fully...if this E-5 also assaulted that sailor with a deadly weapon it is far worst than thirty days and a dishonorable. We are looking at years and discharge as an E-1

[BadGimp]

5. Me too

I still feel the stigma from my sense of shame when I finally realized what a total ass and son of a bitch I was.

[freshwest]

6. Thanks Stinky. But you are much better than Mittens.

What he did was a physical assault. It was premeditated and he was the main instigator of his crew of bullies and didn't stop until he'd terrorized that young man who didn't deserve any of that. I'm glad you repented as you did it, and are the better man for it.

If Mittens had been half the man you are, he would have stopped in the midst of harming Lauber. Mittens did not and will not admit he did anything wrong, but you did. You repented, he laughed it off and profited by it. He went on to destroy the lives of others for years.

That most of you quit, says there was a change of heart and that you remember it as a shameful thing, says much more than Mittens every will.

While making this reply, I remembered something. I've always hated bullies. The last day of elementary school I was walking with a crowd of kids, beside a girl I didn't know well. Some boy ran up and knocked her things out of her hands. That was one thing, I reached down and picked them up. But when she started to cry, he started to laugh. And I was livid.

The next moments are not really clear, but I gave him a knuckle sandwich. When he fell down, he started crying. The other boys ran to me and cheered, 'You did it! You beat the school bully! Wow!' or something to that effect. Then he got up and we all kept on walking and I forgot about it. I didn't apologize and neither did he.

I didn't know his reputation, but he was not going to do something like that in front of me, make someone cry and then laugh. I'm not proud of hitting him, but it ended with that incident. When I think back, he was probably beaten at home and carrying on the pattern.

So this many years later, I don't feel good about it, although I didn't feel any pride at the time, either. As an adult we see things differently. I'm sure Mittens never paid for his antics.

[slackmaster]

7. I'd Rec this right now but the Crackberry browser chokes on it

I'll catch you later STK.

[Speck Tater]

8. As a kid in 1955 I blurted out an angry racial slur at another kid.

That was 57 years ago and it still upsets me to think about it. How could I have done such a thing? There's no way I'll ever forget it, or forgive myself for having done it.

[samnsara]

9. me too!

I'm 60.. when i was 14 or so i was a mean girl in jr high.. even tho i got my fair share of bullying i was also on the giving end. I am horrified at what i did.. the names i called my friends and my actions... i remember them clearly! I take full responsibility. how convenient that romney's victim us dead.

[ScreamingMeemie]

11. Welcome to DU, samnsara.

It is convenient, but luckily there are others who remember.

[shugah]

10. on point!

Last edited Thu May 10, 2012, 11:49 PM - Edit history (1)

"what if he really doesn't remember?"

there are a few paths for bullies to follow to redemption. or maybe just the one: regret. if you can't remember, you certainly cannot regret.

edit: clarity

[rufus dog]

12. Amazing

I was just recalling some bullying stories on another thread and before reading your post was amazed that I could remember the name of every key player in my event even though it occurred almost 40 years ago. I went to school with these kids for seven months and other than running into a couple people from that school later in life, I never ran into the main participants. I was truly amazed that each name came back to me even though I hadn't thought about is since I was probably 18 or 19. To your point, events like these, good or bad, are locked into your memory and don't go away.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=673266

[xfundy]

13. I was bullied. I became a bullly, to kids smaller & weaker than me.

I grew taller. I also grew fatter, and heard every week at church how people like me, gay people, were going to hell. I was fucking miserable for most of high school, became enormously fat, and began picking on smaller guys, smarter guys, etc., at several points even yelling out bible verses at them.

And all of it was just to try to draw attention away from me, and maybe get to be close to the guys I liked on the football team, scout troop, etc., only to be treated like shit by the guys I idolized and abused others for the entertainment of. (English police, weapons down.)

Of course I regret it. Being too stupid and/or weak to stand up for myself, then being cruel to guys I could sit on as the "cool" guys applauded. What an asshole I was.

Now, the boy scout handbook, every book at the public and church library, and the church sermons, etc., always assured me I'd "grow out of" my attraction to other guys. At 18, I realized I wouldn't, but went on for years in the same patterns– after all, the adults, preachers, people who had lived life and surely "knew," from church, scouts, dictionary publishers, Christian publishers, etc., would never lie, right?

Took me till about age 25 to realize it was all lies. 25 is about the age I'd guess most guys finally figure out they're not immortal. But it still took me 13 more years to realize I was an atheist, then, after careful consideration of the evidence on both sides, I decided I was agnostic.

Sorry, I didn't plan for the gut spilling. It just happened, probably in the wrong forum, etc.

Whatever, I did it, no apologies.

[duhneece]

14. My late husband had guilt over his bullying of a kid in 5th grade

His memory wasn't genius, but he remembered details ...but then again, he felt guilt 40 years later; he wasn't a sociopath.

[wildeyed]

15. I bullied once in 4th grade as part of a group.

I will never forget the look on the girl's face, she thought I was her friend. And she never came back to school after that day. I was her last hope since I had been sticking up for her in a kind of half assed way before that. I never did it again, it made me feel so horrible. And I never forgot doing it.

[EFerrari]

16. The thing about human relationships

is that when you hurt someone emotionally, you feel it, too, to a degree.

So, if BushCo's new boy doesn't remember the incident, he's either lying his 1% ass off or it was so bad, his brain is suppressing the trauma of the memory.

[ieoeja]

18. The "I do not remember" defense bothers me more than him being a bully four decades ago.

I can only think of four possible followups to "I do not remember".

1. "Because pinning someone to the ground and cutting off their hair is no big deal."

2. "Because I've done so many things as bad or worse that you can not possibly expect me to remember all of them."

3. "No, just kidding. I remember. I was just lying."

4. "Brain damage."


I certainly hope that he is lying. And isn't it sad that lying is the BEST thing you could say about Romney right now?

[Warren Stupidity]

19. Me too.

Clear as day and it still bothers me.

I'm very sorry for the way we treated you Stephan Barnet. It was shameful and cowardly.

[tabasco]

20. I did in junior high school

and I still feel bad about it to this day. Teasing an outcast, nothing physical, but cruel jokes. I was very stupid when I was young. Since I have matured, I have tried very hard to make up for it. But I will never forgive myself.

[99Forever]

21. The real difference between you and ...

... and that antisocial jerk, is that you my friend, have a conscience. He may or may not "remember" one particular instance, because the odds are good, that the a**hole has treated so many people in such an inhuman manner, that his life of evil deeds is one long blur.

[Egalitarian Thug]

22. Good on you for having a conscience and humanity. K&R. n/t

[nadinbrzezinski]

23. I believe him actually that he does not remember

why?

The ones who did that at the same age or so, don't. (To me mind you)

The problem with this is not what he did fifty years ago... (which is a problem)... the problem with this is that he will have the power to bully COUNTRIES, and trust me, he will.

[marlakay]

24. I was bullied in junior high

The thing about it is, for the rest of your life you struggle with fear issues and feeling weak for not standing up for yourself. I still have a fear of confrontation of any sort which has made for many marriage issues over the years.

People who bully don't give a thought to what they do to others for the rest of their lives.

[shanti]

27. i was as well

bullied in junior high. i had just moved to a new neighborhood, was extremely shy, and didn't know a soul. we had to share lockers in 7th grade and i was matched up with a mean girl. she and her buddies used to put used lunch bags with spoilt milk cartons in the locker for me to find (and smell). they would drip onto my books. i never said a thing to anyone about it, but i did get my locker changed. i think the girls became bored with my lack of response, so they moved on to harass others.

i was also bullied in the workplace too, but never found out who it was (although i had an idea). when you're different and don't care, you are a prime target for bullies!

[Lesleymo]

25. He remembers. Of course he remembers.

That nervous little chuckle says it all. Heh, heh, I theoretically apologize if, heh, heh, I ever did anything wrong in high school. Heh.

He can never admit it. But he remembers.

[lunatica]

26. When I grew up my younger sister was teased and tormented

Because I loved her I stood up to the assholes and always defended those who were picked on. More than once I actually socked boys bigger than me for bullying smaller kids. I was a tomboy and tough. It's pretty amazing how many times the bullies ended up wanting to be my friends. I guess they understood people who pushed them around when they bullied people. It seems to be a language they 'get' and 'respect'. Bullies are like that.

Once when I was 11 or 12 years old a girl who I had defended against the class bullies took advantage of finally being accepted because of my actions by turning others against me. For a long time they picked on me like a pack ganging up on me. Like Romney did with his helpers. She got so confident that in front of all her new found friends she got into my face trying to insult me and sticking her tongue out at me while the other students laughed. I slapped her once, very hard and just stared at her while she sat down hard with a look of total shock. The silence in that classroom was deafening as they all reacted in shock. One lone stupid boy tried to tell me that if I did that again he would... He never finished his sentence as I walked up to him and looked directly into his face. I simply said, what? What would he do? He actually lowered his gaze and sat down in a totally wimpy way.

They stopped bullying me that day. I scared an entire classroom of people who were going along with the bullies by standing up to them and fighting back. Literally fighting back. I had finally had enough of being pushed and humiliated and ganged up on.

I've never forgotten the lessons of that day. I got angry, but it wasn't a loud screaming angry. It was a deep down quiet rage and it showed because they never expected me to take the entire classroom on. Of course 99% of them were just going along with the bullies' agenda. Sometimes I wonder if they didn't secretly feel relief not to have to do that anymore. Human are very complex. Lots of people are just followers and would follow a good person just as easily as following a bad person.