Berlin: US is "possible suspect" in new Merkel incident
German authorities announced today that they have asked the US Ambassador in Berlin to return to "answer some questions", just days after he was summoned to discuss the arrest of a German intelligence officer accused of spying for the US.
"Very late last night, a guard noticed a small bag in flames by the front door of Chancellor Merkel's residence. The guard used his foot to extinguish the flames, and found his foot covered with a fetid, dark substance - it appears to be some sort of animal excreta, perhaps from a dog. We are sincerely hoping, for the sake of what's left of our relationship with Washington, that forensic analysis does not indicate it is from a Portuguese Water Dog"
The American Ambassador was not directly available for comment, but a spokesman reported that "Hey, you know, things happen, it's a rough world out there. Maybe some people, I have no idea who, got a little irritated about all of the German whining about US spying. Maybe a little less whining, and Chancelor Merkel wouldn't have these problems, who knows?"
When asked about the incident at today's press briefing, Press Secretary Josh Earnest stated "Of course, it would be inappropriate to discuss this mucky situation at this time. Certainly, Germany is a very close ally, and the President has made it clear to CIA Director Brennan that the war actually ended 69 years ago, and we didn't even waterboard them then, so don't even think about it."
