GOP candidates need "side effects warning labels" ... like dangerous drugs.

[SoCalDem]

CAUTION:

Voting for this candidate may cause bouts of extreme irritability, eye-twitching, drowsiness, prolonged periods of paranoia, persistent memory loss for events that are more than 4 years prior, increased gambling, sexual or other intense urges, mood changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, irritability, agitation, aggressiveness, severe restlessness, mania, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself. It is recommended that users wear dark pants and bring a change of clothes with them until they understood the candidate's gastrointestinal effects on them. Tourettes-like symptoms have been reported as well... with outbursts containing the words "freedom-liberty-values-taxes-family-God-Obamacare-Jobcreators". Projectile vomiting is common in thirty per cent of users. This candidate may cause visions of the Virgin Mary to appear in treetops. If this happens, open a souvenir shop. There may be an overwhelming impulse to shout out during a Catholic Mass. Women often feel a loss of libido, including an increase in ankle hair, and an intense desire to have abortions (even if not pregnant). Men may experience an overwhelming desire to have secret affairs. Sensations of levitation are illusory, as is the sensation of having a "phantom" third arm. Continued exposure can also lead to indebtedness, homelessness and in extreme cases, hunger, poverty, and even death.

Candidates contain a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled or looked at ... Ingredients of Candidate include an unknown, glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space." Possible side effects include itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, profuse sweating, slurred speech, temporary blindness, heart palpitations . "Do not taunt candidates."

disclaimer: thanks to Steve Martin & the Happy Fun Ball folks for parts of this