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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsChristie Asks for Public’s Patience While He Comes Up with New Story - unveiled by Borowitz
TRENTON (The Borowitz Report)Responding to fresh charges that he knew about the controversial lane closures on the George Washington Bridge last fall, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie today asked for the publics patience while he makes up a new story.
Today you have heard some allegations that are shocking and explosive, he told reporters at a hastily called press conference. All I ask is that the people of the great state of New Jersey give me sufficient time to invent a new story that explains my way out of this.
Governor Christie said that he had spent the past few hours in closed-door meetings trying to come up with a new narrative that absolves him of any guilt in the bridge scandal, but while he was definitely denying the allegations, so far, we dont have a winner.
Weve been tossing around everything from my not remembering events correctly to my having a bad reaction to medication, he said. We even floated the idea of my being under too much pressure and having to blow off steam. As I said, we dont have a winner yet. But I want to reassure the people of New Jersey that I am working very hard on this.
The Governor said he understood that things dont look very good for me right now, but he urged the public against rushing to judgment, adding, I will get back to you with a well-crafted and plausible story as soon as possible.
www.borowitzreport.com
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Christie Asks for Public’s Patience While He Comes Up with New Story - unveiled by Borowitz (Original Post)
Mira
Jan 2014
OP
rug
(82,333 posts)1. Secaucus. Blame it on Secaucus.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)3. No blame it on Ho Ho Kus.
rug
(82,333 posts)4. Hmm, that angle hasn't come up yet.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)5. Lol. You have not been to Ho Ho Kus?
rug
(82,333 posts)6. I've passed by it and a copywriter I worked with lived there.
He always reminded me Ho-Ho-Kus has hyphens.
Submariner
(12,503 posts)2. Bet he's pissed he got that stomach operation for nothing now
Probably craving a chocolate mint by now.
Walk away
(9,494 posts)7. Maybe his lap band road up and covered his eyes and...
he missed everything that happened between September 9th and the 13th! It could happen!
Cha
(297,118 posts)8. Mahalo, Mira
Christie needs some Grade A bullshit.. he's coming up with bupkis
Mira
(22,380 posts)9. You posted a work of art. Nt