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Fri Nov 8, 2013, 09:34 PM

why is it so hard for some people to

believe that men and women can have platonic relationships?

14 replies, 772 views

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Arrow 14 replies Author Time Post
Reply why is it so hard for some people to (Original post)
DesertFlower Nov 2013 OP
Link Speed Nov 2013 #1
1000words Nov 2013 #2
liberal_at_heart Nov 2013 #9
CFLDem Nov 2013 #3
kestrel91316 Nov 2013 #6
CFLDem Nov 2013 #7
kestrel91316 Nov 2013 #10
cynatnite Nov 2013 #11
DesertFlower Nov 2013 #13
CFLDem Nov 2013 #14
JVS Nov 2013 #4
Chan790 Nov 2013 #5
liberal_at_heart Nov 2013 #8
liberal_at_heart Nov 2013 #12

Response to DesertFlower (Original post)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 09:41 PM

1. I can tell you right now...

 

my GF will never get it.

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Response to DesertFlower (Original post)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 09:42 PM

2. Insecurity

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Response to 1000words (Reply #2)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:29 PM

9. +1

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Response to DesertFlower (Original post)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 10:34 PM

3. Because that's not the case

 

the vast vast majority of the time, at least with one-on-one interaction. Most people just don't have the discipline to overcome biology.

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Response to CFLDem (Reply #3)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:21 PM

6. Speak for yourself.

We aren't all ruled by our hormones, and women don't have a "little head" to listen to and screw up because of.

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Response to kestrel91316 (Reply #6)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:25 PM

7. I agree.

 

We aren't all ruled by hormones. But the vast majority are given the right circumstances.

Congrats if you can pull it off. It's a very rare quality.

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Response to CFLDem (Reply #7)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:35 PM

10. I have to admit that, when a female friend (much younger)

told me that the way you know that a man wants an intimate relationship is because he has come up to you and started a conversation, I scoffed at first. But it certainly would explain a lot, and now I sort of regret if I missed what must have been HUNDREDS of potential suitors over the decades because I didn't recognize it as "flirting".

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Response to CFLDem (Reply #3)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:37 PM

11. Utter nonsense...

I can't count the numerous friendships I've had with men that didn't involve sex. I would imagine you had plenty of friends of the opposite sex over the years and that didn't end up in bed.

People have platonic relationships with the opposite sex all the time.

You're assuming that people aren't able to control their sex drive. Nonsense.

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Response to cynatnite (Reply #11)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:57 PM

13. my husband and i were together for almost

42 years. he had female friends and i had male friends. most times we knew the person. he would tell me about a woman at work and say "you've got to meet her -- you'd really like her" in which case i would say "let's have her over for dinner". same with my male friends. many times we became friends with both the man and his wife.

i've been friends with a guy since '84. i'm 72. he's 55. he's like my little brother. and yes, he met my husband several times. came to stay with us back about 10 years ago.

hubby passed away 5/12 and michael is my emotional support. we talk every week for at least an hour -- sometimes longer. he came out to stay with me in april. because i watch tv and record in my bedroom we watched tv at night on my bed along with my cat. i've never thought about him in a sexual way and i doubt he's thought about me that way. back when AIDS was an epidemic i asked him if he was being careful. he took out his wallet and showed me the imprint of a condom.

someone recently asked me if i ever thought about michael in a sexual way. i said "no", but my answer should have been "do you have a sister -- have you ever thought about having sex with your sister"?

i don't know what i'd do without my friend howie. he's my massage therapist. when my husband got sick he said "make me a list of everything john does and i'll take care of it". and he has. packed up all of john's clothes -- got his cars sold, etc. he fixes things around the house for me. and yes he's married to a wonderful woman who i like. sometimes the 3 of us go out to dinner, but many times it's just howie and me because his wife is a nurse and is "on call" a lot. i was invited to their house last xmas but couldn't go because i was grieving so much -- couldn't stop crying. i did go there for easter and will be going for thanksgiving.

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Response to cynatnite (Reply #11)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:58 PM

14. I don't disagree

 

that platonic opposite sex relationships are common. Men and women hang out in group scenarios all the time with no sexual tension.

It is the one-on-one scenario where that is usually not the case. In one-on-one cases that are platonic, it's usually because the guy has been friendzoned.

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Response to DesertFlower (Original post)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 10:42 PM

4. Maybe that's their way of indicating that they're not interested in a platonic relationship.

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Response to DesertFlower (Original post)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:06 PM

5. They're realists?



As I put it to my girlfriend one day:
"You know that single male friend of yours that you think of like a brother? He wants to have sex with you. And that professor that goes out of his way to help and mentor you? He wants to have sex with you. The nice teenage boy downstairs that always helps you carrying the groceries? He wants to have sex with you. Your ex-boyfriend you remain great friends with? He still wants to have sex with you. That friend of your older brother that is like an extension of your own family? He wants to have sex with you. The friendly mailman? He wants to have sex with you. Your sister's fiance that sometimes comes over to hang out only when I'm not around? He wants to have sex with you. The husband of your best friend from college? He wants to have sex with you. Pretty much every non-gay non-relative male you know wants to have sex with you.

You know why I'm willing to hold your hand in public? To rub it in that they're not me.

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Response to Chan790 (Reply #5)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:29 PM

8. That depends on several things such as age, hormone levels in the body, maturity level,

and whether or not they are in a long term, committed, happy relationship.

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Response to DesertFlower (Original post)

Fri Nov 8, 2013, 11:39 PM

12. I've been married for 19 years. My husband has platonic friends and he has had friends that I

had to tell him, "be careful with that one. She will come on to you." I have good intuition. He will come back later and so, "You were so right. I was so oblivious to it, but you were right." He doesn't stay friends with those women.

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