Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer

[joeybee12]

VATICAN CITY—Anonymous sources within the Vatican confirmed Tuesday that Pope Benedict XVI has dispatched a crack team of six highly skilled bishops to sabotage the New York headquarters of pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, a leading contraceptive manufacturer.

Responding to what it called the "ongoing crisis of readily available birth control," the Vatican reportedly assembled its finest clerical operatives—an elite unit consisting of the Roman Catholic Church's very best demolitions expert, cryptographer, forger, con artist, helicopter pilot, and martial arts master—and briefed them on the confidential mission in a secret command bunker deep beneath the catacombs of St. Peter's Basilica.

"Gentlemen, in today's world, God's divine plan itself is under threat," Pope Benedict is said to have told the bishops as he paced across a room full of large screens monitoring the world's top producers of oral contraceptives, condoms, intrauterine devices, and spermicidal lubricants. "Companies like Pfizer are making it possible for women to avoid bearing children they don't want or cannot afford to care for. Our intelligence assets indicate some are even engaging in sex for no purpose beyond their own pleasure."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-dispatches-elite-team-of-bishops-to-sabota,27536/

[BumRushDaShow]

1. It's so rare

that we actually see Onion stories considering the truth is more often than not mistaken for the Onion!

[all american girl]

2. I'm so sad

The Onion always gets me

[Angry Dragon]

3. off with their tiny heads

[pinboy3niner]

4. Papal Seal Team Six

[HockeyMom]

5. Of course this is the REAL plan

To completely ban contraception and force EVERYONE to live according to the Catholic Church. Give them an inch, and they will demand a mile.

I used to work at the HQ of Bristol-Myers in NYC 35 years ago. They manufactured contraception. Their employees were given FREE contraception that many years ago. They have hundreds of thousands of employees world wide. No CATHOLICS? Should they DEMAND this coporation stop making the BC pill? Not a ONE ever complained. I knew many a Catholic employee, single or married, who were absolutely DELIGHTED that the company they worked for gave them free contraception.

CONTROL and POWER. This is what the Catholic Church wants over their own faithful who are IGNORING their teachings, but over EVERYONE else.

[Javaman]

6. The Bishop!

[muriel_volestrangler]

7. We was ... too late.

[hifiguy]

8. !!

[joeybee12]

9. I know! I thought about that when I posted this!