After much deliberation, the GOP has announced they will support a lump of American Staffordshire Terrier shit as president. One anonymous GOP insider stated "it's a truly American dog, it even has American in the name. So it is All-American shit."
Adding to that, a high level member of the RNC, speaking through his Ouija Board, commented: "Women will see how cute the AST is and will reflect that its shit is cute too." The RNC member also stated that "the dog's shit is a far better choice than the human shit we've been parading around the country for eight months."
President Obama leads this new candidate by 11% percentage points, 53 - 42, with those commenting in favor of the AST shit stating "at least the AST shit is honest about being full of shit."