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Sat May 25, 2013, 07:19 PM

Louis CK nails the banking system: funny because it is true

“I’m broke, is anyone else broke? {cheers} You ever get so broke that the bank starts charging you money…for not having enough money? {laughs} I’m fuckin’ broke, man.

The bank called me up, they said ‘Hi, we’re calling you because you don’t have enough money.’ I said, I know! They said ‘You have insufficient funds,’ and I said, well, I agree with that. I find my funds to be grossly insufficient! Thanks for calling… {shrugs, audience laughs}

Why are you mad at me? I don’t understand what…How is this something I’m doing to you? She was like, ‘Sir, you only have $20, that’s not enough. You can’t only have $20!’ I was like, look, I’m not being broke just to fuck with you, I really don’t have any money! I’m not trying to be a dick, I just…my life is shitty! {laughs}

So they charged me $15, that’s how much it costs to only have $20. {laughs} But here is the fucked-up part, now I only have $5! What am I paying the $15 for if I don’t get to have the $20…that I paid to have! I paid the fuckin’ money, where is my $20? That’s like going to the movies, you pay for your ticket and they say ‘Get the fuck outta here, go home!’ …But I paid for the movie? ‘No, you paid for a ticket, motherfucker, you didn’t pay for a movie!’

You ever have negative money? That’s depressing, isn’t it? You look in your bank account and it says ‘negative $10,’ that’s how much I have now. Negative $10. That means I don’t even have no money now. I wish I did! I wish I didn’t have anything, I wish I just had nothing, but I have less than that! I don’t have none. I have not $10. {laughs} If it’s free, I can’t fucking afford it!

Someone could come up to me, ‘Hey, this is free!’ Fuck, that costs nothing! I can’t afford that, that’s more than I have! I gotta raise $10 to be broke! That’s not good. That’s bad! {laughs}

Apparently some of you are in the same fuckin’ position. {cheers, laughs} How’s your economy doin’? Shit! I’m glad you appreciate that story, not everyone appreciates that story. I told that story about a week ago in Orange County, California with all these rich motherfuckers lookin’ at me they’re all lookin’ at me like, ‘Well, yeah. You were financially irresponsible and had to pay the price. I don’t frankly see why you’re angry about it. The bank had the right to approve a fee, clearly.’

That’s how different it is to be rich than it is to be poor! ‘Cause when you’re rich, the bank pays you for being rich! If you have a lot of money, they give you money! Because you have a lot of money! You have so much money that we should give you some! Because you have a lot, you should have more! Here, take more money! Take this guy’s $15, fuck him, you should have it! {laughs} He doesn’t have enough, but you have a lot. {shrugs}

Fine, take it all you motherfuckers, I don’t give a shit! You ever get so broke it just becomes funny to you after a while? You’re like, ‘Jesus Christ! I have no fuckin’ money! Jesus!’ {laughs}

People call you, ‘Hi, we’re gonna turn off the….” Fuck it! Turn it off, man! Turn it off, I don’t give a shit!

‘When can you make a payment?’ I ain’t payin’ anything, what am I gonna fuckin’ pay you with? I fuckin’ sold the phone, I don’t need it now. Damn it, man. Shit’s brutal.”

9 replies, 2136 views

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Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
Reply Louis CK nails the banking system: funny because it is true (Original post)
arely staircase May 2013 OP
LineNew Reply k
arely staircase May 2013 #1
TexasTowelie May 2013 #2
arely staircase May 2013 #3
Sirveri May 2013 #7
TexasTowelie May 2013 #8
Snarkoleptic May 2013 #4
arely staircase May 2013 #5
Snarkoleptic May 2013 #9
davidpdx May 2013 #6

Response to arely staircase (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 09:46 PM

1. k

surely someone like me has had a similar experience

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Response to arely staircase (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 10:03 PM

2. You know that you're broke...

when you spend your entire lunch hour writing checks at grocery stores for cash so that you can make a deposit at the bank to cover all the previous checks you've kited...and you do that all five days of the week.

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Response to TexasTowelie (Reply #2)

Sun May 26, 2013, 12:09 AM

3. thank you

I know now I am not alone

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Response to TexasTowelie (Reply #2)

Sun May 26, 2013, 05:01 PM

7. be careful with that. In some areas that's illegal and you could get in trouble for fraud.

Passing bad checks and what not.

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Response to Sirveri (Reply #7)

Sun May 26, 2013, 05:12 PM

8. Thank goodness I'm not in that predicament.

The time that it takes to process a check shrunk tremendously in the 90s so that riding the float was no longer possible. I'm at the point that I only write a couple of checks per month and I know that I have the funds in my account.

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Response to arely staircase (Original post)

Sun May 26, 2013, 12:59 AM

4. Video here-

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Response to Snarkoleptic (Reply #4)

Sun May 26, 2013, 02:13 AM

5. thanks for posting

lck speaks to me like no other current comedian. guess it helps I am a middle aged white male liberal. but the man is brilliant.

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Response to arely staircase (Reply #5)

Sun May 26, 2013, 05:58 PM

9. Me too.

I'm no fan of Opie and Anthony, but this is a great lck nugget on capitalism.

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Response to arely staircase (Original post)

Sun May 26, 2013, 02:46 AM

6. It's too bad his show isn't coming back until next spring

I had hoped it would be on this summer.

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